New poster, StepDaughter driving a wedge in our marriage.
Long time lurker, first time poster. I am so grateful for this site! It has helped me realize I’m not alone in this nightmare of being a step parent to adult kids, especially adult stepdaughters.
Married 6 years, my second, and his third. He has two adult daughters, SD33 and SD 30 from his first marriage. I have no biokids. He’s 58, I’m 54. They both live out of state. SD33 has two boys and lives with her boyfriend (both boys have different dads). SD30 is married with four kids from three different dads. Not that their baby daddy’s matter, but I add it for details.
Same story here, kids were OK upon first meeting, however I think they had some issues since I look younger than 54 (thanks to my mom and dad for my great genes) and I think some jealousy developed. Over time, it started to suck since every time we got together there was some sort of blow up when we didn’t do something they expected or cater to them. Each time one of them (especially SD 33) doesn’t get what they want, it’s an all-out war with them usually blaming me for whatever wrong they think we did.
When they’re pissed at daddy, the text messages they send are horrible! If I spoke to my dad this way, I would get slapped right across the face! DH does nothing when this happens, doesn’t respond and just ignores them. When they text him how awful I am, he also ignores that. That alone pisses me off since it doesn’t appear he has my back.
A year or so ago, SD33 text me and DH a tirade about what pieces of sh!t we both are, blah blah. I had enough. I told her I was sick to death of her disrespect and to stop texting me unless she apologizes and acts like an adult. She went off & kept texting me over and over even after I asked her to stop. I finally told her that I’d file harassment if she didn’t knock it off. She stopped. I was tired of the bullsh!it and I stood my ground. She didn’t like that. . I blocked SD33 on my phone, email and all social media due to her toxic behavior.
Which brings me to the latest….. DH and I had problems and even separated a while. We are now back together and trying to work it out. SD33 apparently thought daddy would get a divorce and move down to be with her. When she found out we were trying to work things out, she upped her campaign of hate. Just recently, I found out DH told her a few things about our living situation that should only be discussed between us two. I was livid!! It’s none of her F-ing business, but nonetheless, he told her.
My therapist even thinks this is unacceptable. SD33 is driving a wedge between DH & I and he’s giving her the tools to do so. I asked him to contact her back and clear up the perceptions she has (thanks to him) and he has not and it’s been two weeks. I feel this is a slap in my face. I know I cannot force him to do anything, but shouldn’t he? Or am I expecting too much?
SD33 invited DH to a football game out of state on their birthday (they have the same birthday). I’m not invited. I wouldn’t want to go anyway. But, after telling her it was unfair to exclude me, now he’s thinking of going. If he does, I think it may signal the end of us.
Sorry this got long, but I would appreciate any feedback. I've disengaged from her but she's still trying to split us up. Thanks everyone! So glad to have found this site.