No - you can let DH have a relationship with his grandchild and stay out of it. Best not to get attached to the kids anyway.

It doesn't have to be. This can just be a chapter of his life that you don't share. When he wants to do things with/for the baby just go do your own thing. 

Make sure you discuss what your limits are financially for the baby. They need soooo much in the beginning and before you know it you are spending $100's on diapers and clothes and formula every month. Maybe do something like a re-loadable gift card. That is the "baby account". DH can spend $X and that is it. 

ALSO -- make sure to talk about what happens if they lose housing or God forbid custody. Are you willing to take baby in? I wouldn't be (I say that like I am all tough- the reality is if it was my grandchild or neice or any other baby in my family, baby can come in-- parents can take a hike). Make sure you know where your DH is on this and make sure he understands where you stand as well. 

Do you have full access to your bank accounts, insurance, etc? I would be concerned about DH trying to help with the baby. It's his first grandchild. Heart strings are going to be tugged. But the baby is not your financial responsibility. If he starts taking money out without your approval, then you need to do the same. In face, split it right on down the middle.

Dysfunction often ramps up after major life events like an engagement, wedding, or birth of a grandchild. And because your H's kids have proven to be exploitative in the past, there's a high probability that the skid will use the gskid as a tool for manipulation. Please keep a sharp eye on your finances, and shut this down if you see signs that your H is getting sucked in again.

Some men go gaga for the grands, while others are able to keep their wits about them. What's important is for you to know what your boundaries are, and be able to articulate them as necessary. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting these criminals in your life, your home, or your wallet, but it's early days yet. 

Please keep posting, and let us know how this goes. 

It's only been two years - but I have nothing to do with his son who is 34.  This is not negotiable.  There is NOTHING SS could do to "make things right".

I read a meme recently that said that giving someone another chance is like giving someone another bullet after they missed with their first shot.

DH sees his son.  I don't even discuss it with him.  There is a 3 year old grandchild and they are expecting another one.  Fortunately DH is not gaga over kids.

"How do you all handle things when you stay at home to avoid something? Do you feel that you are talked about? Called names behind your back? Just curious...."

This is where I was over 8 years ago.  As time has passed though, I could care less if DH and SD talk about me or call me names behind my back.  SD still is not allowed to darken my doorstep until DH can tell her in front of me that she is to respect me as his wife.  Period.  Non-negotiable.

Funny thing happened though:  As has been written on this site many times, most men are focused on their own comfort rather than anything else.  So when I took myself out of the equation, and DH didn't leave me as SD had been led to believe, she discovered what DH's top priority was - and it wasn't me OR her.  

SD then had to realistically view the relationship she had with her father.  He would call her, she wouldn't return his call or would say her phone was cutting out.  She wouldn't acknowledge him on Holidays.  DH got tired of being punished and one -way communications.  Today I don't ask about SD or discuss her with DH.  This is something DH created and is responsible for.  Not me.

As far as staying home to avoid being with SD:  If you want to stay home, pamper yourself and watch what you want on TV or go out with friends - whatever you do, make it fun and memorable.  My DH knows if he leaves to visit SD I will be going out and shakin' a leg - possibly without my wedding ring on.  LOL

Times that my husband goes to see his daughter in another state I try to plan some things for me.  Even if it's just ordering my favorite pizza and watching chick flicks after getting a pedicure.  It's me time.

We've had drama and no contact for a while now.  She contacted her dad after she had her latest spawn.  She didn't get so much as a card from me. That's his issue, not mine. 

I'm sick just hearing it.

Seriously I'm only surviving my situation because the daughter is such a horror show I can't imagine her EVER having a relationship -none so far and she's 21 and cute- and the boy has an older sugar mama who can't procreate.

If we survive we'll need to move away at some point I'm pretty sure. The situatoon only gets worse for me watching them use my partner and in the girls case abuse her verbally and financially.

I would say that if DH ever, even once, for a microsecond, ices you, puts you or your marriage behind the serial criminal POS breeding SS and his shallow and polluted gene pool, puts one penny into that train wreck hell bonded breeding pair and their child, or in any way interferes in or disrupts  your peace of mind and your marriage together ... then yes. This is your fork in the road.

I have zero use for people like your SS's and even less for people who destroy others catering to them.

I would take some time and create a comprehensive spreadsheet of SS related issues, costs, crimes, etc, etc, etc...... over the years and give it to your DH while delivering the message that DH has allowed his POS son(s) to ruin your life and marriage for 30 years and it will not continue.  Have your lawyer on speed dial and start shifting assets to individual accounts so that if DH even allows his head to approach his own ass on this you can pull the trigger and rid yourself of the entire shallow and polluted gene pool in short order.

Good luck.

Take care of you.