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New Grandbaby and the crap has started

Plshelpme's picture

The horrific things my adult SD does to her dad infuriates me to no end. 

I have cut both my SKids off from me - it’s been a year long ordeal.  

When SD gave birth on the 4th of July - she “allowed” her dad to be there the entire day.  I made it clear to him not to call nor text while he was with her, the focus was her; my way of making sure not to give her anything to hang over his head.  

She has sent him photos almost daily - and I was letting my guard down - being aware postpartum still hasn’t hit her.  He works a crazy work shift, and his days off change weekly.  He made plans to go see them on his ONLY day off after working 6 days straight, she told him to remind her the day before, so she wouldn’t forget (logical, since she still has pregnancy brain) - when he did - she told him they had made plans and her mom would be watching the baby.

He felt like he had been slapped in the face.  He told her his next day off is Friday and she said she wasn’t sure, because her father-in-law is flying in during the week.   

The inconsideration on her part is over the top, it’s a control issue and thoroughly ticks me off.  

They live two hours away, so it’s not like he can just drop everything and go see them, it takes planning and they are off work until Labor Day.  He and I only get three days a month off together and I’m not holding him back and encourage him to attempt to make plans with both of his kids and they can’t take them time to spend time with him.  

I ordered him a book on letting go of your adult kids - and registered him on neglectedparents.net.  Trying to help him find other people that have gone through the same thing. 

I just need a place to vent about these horrible two young adults.  

 

tog redux's picture

Maybe my family is weird, but my parents would not have driven 2 hours once a week to see a grandchild. Not saying SD isn't a bitch, but maybe your DH is expecting too much and needs to reset in his mind how often he's going to see this child - and back off and let SD reach out to him. It's best not to get to attached to grandkids if their parent is like this, anyway.

shamds's picture

its the fact there is no compromise with her. She expects daddy to drop at a moments notice or go out of his way to accommodate her

this happened with my 3 skids (sd23.5, ss21 and sd 14.5), sd14.5 lives with sd23.5 who does drive but sonehow me and hubby with 2 toddlers in tow ust everytime go out of our way to accommodate them. They change plans and times last minute and hubby is “no worries”, 

i put my foot down late last year i wouldn’t put up with this crap. If your kids can’t get their shit together so be it.

in your case she wants advanced notice but when daddy gives it, its oh sorry no can do...

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Yup things are hectic with new baby’s, time to chill and not take stuff personally. I remember after having my first baby, waking up to find my sister in law and best friend from school staring at me, invited by my considerate partner at the time haha. Followed by my parents for the next year not understanding why they couldn’t just turn up at the door anymore (I had to shut the curtains and hide lol). 

Plshelpme's picture

My SD 3 years ago adopted her young brother in law, and the never having time for her dad to visit isn't new with the bio baby.  
She has made quite the habit of putting her dad off and then at the last minute contacted him to drop everything to come see them for an hour or two.  
The baby is now five months old - and he has maybe seen her once a month.  
When he does see them, he comes home emotionally drained, it's like he has to walk on eggshells around her. 
 

She is controlling and manipulative - being worse now that she hangs her kids over his head.  

2Tired4Drama's picture

I'm going through a similar thing with my SO's first grandkid.  My SD sounds much like yours and is self-absorbed and manipulative. 

We live several states away and about a month after the birth, my SO asked SD about going to see her/grandkid about three months later for a two-day visit.  Since he has to purchase airfare he wanted to plan in advance.  SD has a huge home and my SO stays on the lower floor with his own room/bath, entertainment area, etc. and SD/hubby/baby have the entire second floor to themselves.  It's not a space issue. 

He thought he was being considerate by waiting several months for them to catch their breath, bond with the baby, etc.  Of course, SD tells him she didn't know what her plans were yet.  WTF.  What kind of grand plans she was expecting is beyond me.  This is her child's grandfather!  Of course he was heartbroken and disappointed.  

Since BM lives local she gets to see gskid as often as she wants.  But my SO seemingly has to beg for scraps of time.  Like your DH he is almost groveling/walking on eggshells even for those scraps.   It's not easy to watch, is it?

 

 

Sadge56's picture

My DH has a new grandchild and SS antics since the baby has arrived are very hurtful. I’m not sure Curious Georgetta is going to give you any advice worth bothering about, I don’t think CG understands anything.