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Never will be your people

Newimprvmodel's picture

Wise words of wisdom. I sent a hundred dollar trike to SD for granddaughter we've never seen yet. Turns 1 and we are not invited to the birthday party albeit they live a good days drive from us. This gift was for Easter and I told her it needed to be put together.  I sent it two weeks ago. So today she rings her father to FaceTime baby opening package even though I advised her to put it together. Hubby busy and I answer. She says oh I've haven't even looked at the package yet. Gee I think why do I even bother. Other SD?  Not a word for Easter. And I send her lots of nice books etc. 

So the passive aggressive side of me sends a pic of me and their father with our we have been vaccinated stickers saying we are ready to travel.  No response. Nothing.

yes they never will be my people.   

tog redux's picture

Yep, time to stop sending gifts. Let your DH pick out any gifts and you can sign the card if you want.  But also stop communicating with them period, let him handle that.

Kes's picture

Yup - that's all I ever do, sign the card.  Otherwise there is too much opportunity for good deeds to get punished. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

OP, your biggest problem is your H wants you to do things and behave in ways that run counter to what's best for you. His dynamic is dysfunctional, but he pressures you to play pretend with him and keep offering yourself up to be hurt so HE can be comfortable.

A few years ago, you decided to give in and do things his way. I did this too, so I understand. But over time, not being true to oneself and knowing things aren't "right" wears on one's soul and spirit. Only you can decide when you've had enough.

Oddsocks1's picture

Totally agree, all 3 of my step kids are people that if Id met in other circumstances would be people I would never choose to have in my life, we have nothing in common and they are the most dull and unsocial people ever. I bent over backwards for them when we first got together and the fact is they don't give a shit because all I am to them is the woman their dad lives with. I had a lightbulb moment one day and just thought why am I being such a muppet and wasting my time and energy on them, if they talk to me fine if they don't that's also fine and it really doesn't make the slightest difference to my life.

Missingme's picture

In exact same boat.  Even if things do seem great with your skids, in the end, when their dad and or blood relatives die and you are left, they will turn on you like a dime!  Sadly with divorce comes a disconnect to family and others loyalty.  It's a foreign concept to them. Don't waste head space and time on them unless you must to get along for an activity.  I realize that's hard to do.  

Olivia2020's picture

My mom was a nurse w/a wicked sense of humor. Throughout my life, I would hear her say, "They wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire!" during her calls to colleagues or in convos with my dad. 

I never really thought about the meaning. I would cringe because my mother said 'piss.' 

After the 5 years of being around those exSD's, I came to understand what my mom was talking about. Now I know. 

I'd rather BURN than have those awful exSD's (ages 21 & 24) piss their toxic urine on me. 

When I realized this, I became indifferent. I"m ok with indifferent. 

Exjuliemccoy is correct, it'll wear on our souls and spirits when we are not true to ourselves. 

It stinks that not even one bit of graciousness or 'thank you' comes across the lips of these SD's. Being their 'father's wife' is fine...they are your husbands daughters. No step. No daughter. No bond. No connection. No relationship. 

Please stop giving gifts. Maybe reframe to think, "Wow, look at all the extra money and extra time I have now since I don't buy gifts for ungrateful daughters of my husband. I have more time to plan my trips and even get nice upgrades with all this money I'm saving!" 

Worth a laugh....Tyler Perry's 'Madea' and a few pearls of wisdom on YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTPzXwNVc9g

Let them go!

 

Rags's picture

Time for an FB photo campaign of posting pics of manicures, makeovers, pedicures, new boutique clothing, vacations, jewelry, cars, etc.. under the caption.... "Enjoying my Skids' inheritance!"

Diablo

Newimprvmodel's picture

Of having a moment of weakness. Step grand daughter birthday soon. I actually ordered a gift and hit the send button. Then thought of all the money and gifts sent there this past year. Husband actually did a project for baby's room as gift for birthday. 
so guess what?  I cancelled order!  Yup.  Felt good. 
 

Olivia2020's picture

That was easy.. especially knowing hubby did the project!

CLove's picture

I recently hit my "Wall". We all do, eventually. My wall was toxic BM texting DH toxc BS. Provided information by Toxic SD22 Feral Forger.

I really and truly want nothing more to do with Toxic Troll BM  SD22, nor right now enabled and enmeshed SD14.