Nervous about our future....
Well SD19 got accepted into the National Guard and ships out in January, and now she seems to have totally given up on "giving a $hi7".
My angst comes in when we discuss the idea of "what happens if this doesn't work, or she drops out or gets kicked out?" I pointed out that the choices she makes on a almost weekly basis can put her at risk for bigger issues. I used the example of "If she got a DUII, that would exclude her from enlisting, and she would then be both unable to DRIVE and get to WORK, but unable to go to the NG." If something like that were to happen or any number of possible situations, like she gets pregnant, or just decides she is so "in love" she can't bare to be away from her love for so long... It basically puts her right back in the house doing nothing.
Mom just said she doesn't know what she would do, "she is my baby after all, I can't just kick her out onto the streets".
We watch lots of Intervention and reality TV like that and I pointed out how this is very similar to those situations, I told her that she is basically "enabling" SD to live like a child and never take responsibility for herself and it is a disservice to her as a parent. She didn't like that much obviously. Mom seems to just kind of hope that she will suddenly pull her head out of her @$$ which I know is not going to "just happen".
This last weekend I proved to myself I couldn't do it. The D had ONE chore she was supposed to do before she left the house, empty her cat's litter box that was full and sits near Mom's bedroom. She basically snuck out and then said she had forgotten about it, then "accidentally fell asleep" at her 34yr old BFs house so she never came home to do it. I took the litter box and put it in her room so she would basically trip over it when she came home and HER room would stink. Totally reasonable to me, well Mom got upset and told me to put it back and made a comment about "she's not your kid". So I can pretty much see how it would go it we were all living together, I am NOT passive and soft spoken enough to keep my mouth shut and I KNOW I would end up causing fights for "being rude" or "butting in".
When I "suggested" that I would not be able to move in and live there while the SD19 was still in the home she thought that was unreasonable and didn't understand why I would have a problem with that. Since it is almost a year off I decided to not make a big issue of it but now I fear for our plans for the future.
It just rubs me the wrong way to make Mom "choose" between me moving in and our life together and letting her daughter stay in the home until... whenever she chooses to leave?
Anyone have any ideas on how to package the idea that there would be "criteria" before I could move in and not sound like an ass?