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Need insight: insuring adult skids on my plan when not required by law

Biblicalunicorn's picture

I’ve posted about this recently. My DH wants me to add his four kids (13-19) to my state health insurance. I have two of my own. Although I did discover that it would plateau at $600 a month, my concern is that al of the out of pocket bills are going to come directly to us and we have to just hope that the two BM’s involved will fork over their portion. If they don’t, we either have to eat it or sue them. Either way, really expensive. I’m concerned about putting our financial security on the line in such a way. He was using Medicaid for all of them until we married three months ago, but since I’m working (which neither of the other two ever did) we now aren’t eligible for benefits. 

The two 19 year olds are complete a-hole jerks, by the way. Maybe this shouldn’t influence my decision but it does. His 19 year old daughter refuses to have anything to do with me and won’t even see her father (who adopted and raised her) on holidays. Earlier in her life, she made up a story about her dad beating her until the police became suspicious that it wasn’t true due to lack of evidence and when they stated to investigate her and the mother, they dropped the story, blaming her diagnosed mental illness.  He still buys gifts and sends her college money. That’s on him. But I’m kind of feeling like, F you, brat. 

The 19 year old son lives with us in the basement and hates me because before me, there were no rules. He has driven and wrecked dad’s brand new car and not paid for repairs, damaged the tires, destroyed the inside, works at a fast food restaurant, refuses to go to school, runs around with white trash and does marijuana constantly. I required his dad to stop him from bringing the drugs ans druggies into the house and pressed him to set limits and invite the kid to leave if he doesn’t want to better his life; he can get his own apartment to get high and work at McDonald’s and finance it himself. If he wants to get an education and stop being a druggie loser, I’m happy for us to help. He won’t speak to me or my kids and just glares at me with insolence when he sees me. My parents threw an expensive Christmas weekend at a cabin and bought everyone a $300 gift. He made up an excuse and refuses to come, though the younger boys were grateful and happy. He still gets his gift of course. 


I am really resentful at both these a-hole kids. Since I’m not and DH is not required by law to cover them past 18 in our state, I now want to say no. Maybe it’s Wrong of me but honestly they are going to behave this way why should I do a damn thing for them? Maybe I should just tell to help DH but I’m so bitter. I HATE being a stepmother. I hate it. I feel like these two can go to hell for all I care. 

tog redux's picture

Who's going to pay for the out of pocket expenses for the older two? The BMs won't be obligated, they won't do it, so that means you and DH will? At least separate your funds first so you don't end up paying for them.

Honestly, your DH has no right to expect you to insure his kids. It opens a can of worms in many ways, and most women on here who insure their skids come to regret it, for all the reasons you've listed.  And is DH making as much income as you? Or are you expected to pay for the entire premium as well? I understand it's not going up any, but now that he is benefiting from it, he should be helping to pay.

lieutenant_dad's picture

What does your DH do? Why can't he get his own health insurance plan for them? Why can't the 19 year olds get their own health insurance? Basically, why is this your problem?

But to answer your question, if the BMs take their kids to the doctor, they should be the ones responsible for the bill. Insurance will be charged first, and then anything over that amount will be owed by whomever signed off on the care - which could be BM or the adult SKs. The only reason why you or DH would owe is if DH signed off on the care or the BMs/adult SKs commit fraud and don't disclose they have other means by which the care could have been supplemented, like another insurance plan. If the insurance then overpays, they may come back to you, as the policyholder, to be reimbursed.

tog redux's picture

Except if they DON'T pay, the doctor's office may come back to her as the guarantor and the holder of the insurance plan. They won't chase multiple people for money. Then DH will have to take BM to court to make her pay, and the CO may not even say anything about her having to pay.

lieutenant_dad's picture

They won't chase HER, they will chase her DH who is the parent legally obligated to provide the care. Insurance isn't going to go after anyone, but the doctor will go after dad. 

hereiam's picture

Why did you marry this guy? It sounds like you would have fared better by NOT marrying him.

I absolutely would not put them on my insurance, you will get stuck with all of the out of pocket expenses.

I also would not let a 19 year old disrespectful jerk, who hates me, live in my house.

I still vote for an annulment.

SteppedOut's picture

My vote also goes to annulment. You know, since it is causing such problems with their insurance... 

Does you husband work? Does he pay half of the expenses? Have retirement? 

STaround's picture

If the kids are over 18, and low income, dont they qualify for Medicaid.  I can understand the problem with the under 18 ones, that by dad marrying, they may lose Medicaid (and I dont even know about that), but why would the older ones not have Medicaid.

ndc's picture

If the BMs are low income, why can't the skids get Medicaid through their respective mothers' households?  How much does it actually cost you to add the skids (in insurance premiums)?  I don't suppose there's any way that non-working BMs can pay you in advance? Seems like your best bet is to just say no.

FYI, I am covered on my dad's insurance policy through his employer. He is NOT responsible for my medical bills. Carrying insurance in the absence of some other obligation  doesn't make you liable for another's medical bills.

tog redux's picture

If you were a minor and didn't pay your bills, the doctor's office would likely go after your father for money - or could. And BM could put DH as the guarantor and there is nothing they can do about that for the minor children.

I believe this DH is ordered to carry the insurance, and both BMs have husbands so aren't low income either.

ndc's picture

I agree - that would be another obligation for the DH, but not the OP.  It's his parental obligation, not the fact that it's OP's insurance. But the older skids, at least, are adults, and should be liable for their own medical bills. In any event, OP should separate finances and not allow herself to be bullied into paying for the skids. 

tog redux's picture

This DH needs to go back and get a new CO in light of the fact that he can't get Medicaid anymore - one that spells out BM's obligation.  She should be helping to pay for premiums as well as out of pocket costs.

Cover1W's picture

Don't do it! Why would you? What is the benefit?

I covered my young teen SDs for 1 year as DH didn't have insurance coverage with his new job at the time. It was only $140 additional per month. DH and BM agreed to reimburse me at the first of each month. That was $70 each parent was to pay. WAS to pay. Ha! I had to ask both of them every month to pay me back. BM also then thought it was my obligation to pay. Oh H*ll no. I also found out the CO required BM to cover them, so DH should never have been doing it (she gets the tax credit) anyway.

I then dropped them at my open enrollment and told DH never again.

BM pays her bills so no worry on my part there.

sandye21's picture

Please consider my experience.  Your situation is so similar to what I went through in the beginning of our marriage.  And I made some real stupid mistakes.  DH's income was limited because he chose to change his career.  I just wanted to be a good wife.  SD was going to college so I supported him while he paid for her expenses.  I also paid for SD's health insurance.  It didn't cost me much more than covering DH and I but there was never any appreciation for it either.  SD treated me like dog doo.  If I had to choose again I would say, "Sorry, I'm not able to do it."  No more explanations necessary. 

One thing to really look into before you have too much time invested in this marriage is the financial situation with your DH.  If he was using Medicaid to insure the skids before he married you, this means he had limited finances.  If you want to continue to be married to this man separate all finances, and protect any investments you have.  If your DH really loves you he will be agreeable to it.  After you tell him you do not want to insure the skids he should let it go.  I was in the same position as you over 28 years ago and luckily, I obtained a postnup.  

It is simply NOT your responsibility to insure the skids.  You owe them nothing.  If your DH continues to pressure you take a few days away from him to ask yourself why he married you in the first place.  I am so sorry if this insults you but three months is a bit soon to be asking for you to help support his kids.  It just sounds like he has an agenda.