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Need immediate advice

amykatzz's picture

Submitted by amykatzz on Thu, 09/05/2013 - 9:19am

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Adult Stepchildren

My husbands' 20 yr old son was dumped out in front of our apt complex yesterday afternoon by his bio mom, who he was staying with off and on. He has a history of alcohol abuse, lying, stealing, manipulating, emotional blackmail etc. He stole his moms car and cussed her out so she was done with him. This comes after years of threatening suicide when he doesn't get his way til ne of his parents gives in, takes him in, and the cycle repeats.He constantly verbally abuses everyone til they cave and give in, name calling, threats that we will all be sorry, threats of suicide. So he banged on our door off and on all night, texting his dad (my husband) to let him in or he would kill himself. We did not but at 2am he was frantically ringing the doorbell and we got into a fight because I said no way are we letting him in. Now husband is mad at me, not speaking to me, because I said he cannot stay here or I will call cops and he needs to be committed. Husband left for work but I saw his son wandering around on the apt property still. Im not giving in. I cannot have my life unravel because of a loose cannon who is unstable and aggressive. I do not feel safe letting him in. It is probably costing me my marriage. Any advice?

whatamess's picture

Submitted by whatamess on Thu, 09/05/2013 - 9:45am

First and foremost is physical safety. It's sad that your DH can't see that his son needs professional help but that doesn't mean you should sacrifice your safety to placate your husband. If you feel he is a threat to you today, call the cops.

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Thu, 09/05/2013 - 9:46am

I agree with the others that you did the right thing. I can also see your husbands side too, because, as I am sure you know, a parent will always want to "rescue" their child- no matter how old. You have the "privilege" of not being the one with the emotional attachment the way he does and are seeing things clearly.

I agree with the others about calling the police. If he is making those threats he needs to be taken in for an evaluation. If he did decide to go through with it and you had done nothing I don't think you would forgive yourself.

goincrazy.com's picture

Submitted by goincrazy.com on Thu, 09/05/2013 - 10:50am

You don't have to tell your husband that you called the cops, do it anonymously. Say one of your neighbors probley got creeped out and was afraid someone was wandering around the property checking it out to possibly steal or something.......

And really BM??? I'd have some words for her, she just dropped his grown ass off on your door step???? He can go to a shelter

Drac0's picture

Submitted by Drac0 on Thu, 09/05/2013 - 11:19am

>Now husband is mad at me, not speaking to me, because I said he cannot stay here or I will call cops and he needs to be committed.<

Good on you for holding your ground! You have every right to protect yourself from his son who is in obvious need of professional help. Sorry, but anyone who threatens suicide in order to get their way is so far removed from deserving parental affection. This boy needs help and neither you or your husband are qualified to give it (assuming you guys aren't already professionals in the field of psychology).

Oh, and call the cops.