Need advice tonight - should I tell, or no????
So my SO's daughter 23 rarely takes initiative to call him - she expects him to reach out to her which he has been doing since she was a teen. Sometimes he waits to see how long she will go without contacting him, but he usually breaks down and will call her. This time, it's been two months since the last time they saw each other and she hasn't initiated any contact with him.
Just for the heck of it, I took a look at her BFF's Facebook page tonight and there's a picture of the two of them. I was quite surprised at SD23 - as she looks remarkably different. Like, plastic surgery different - looks like a nose job and maybe an eyelid lift. In fact, one of the people "liking" the photo is a platic surgeon's office.
So - since my SO has absolutely nothing to do with Facebook, should I show it to him or not? I have essentially been disengaged since Christmas (although it's not hard since she never contacts us.)
I figure eventually he will see her in person and will certainly see one of the reasons she hasn't contacted him is probably because of healing from the work she's had done. I know he will be disappointed, because quite frankly, it's pure vanity on her part...she was a pretty girl without the new look. Plus, she has health issues and any kind of elective surgery carries quite a bit of risk for her.
Thoughts? Keep mum or tell him?
I would show him.
I would show him.
yhatzee, you bring up an
yhatzee, you bring up an interesting point - knocking some sense into her because she isn't getting it from anyone else in her life. Very true in this case. Her mother is an absolute self-absorbed nutjob and has created a mini version of herself in SD. Both of them are branches of the same narcissistic tree ... it's all about them, all the time. My SO was the only "adult" in the family, even now, it seems.
I would try not to tell him.
I would try not to tell him. You know the saying shoot the messenger? He will find out soon enough.....wait, the bills will arrive!! Lol
Thankfully, SD is gainfully
Thankfully, SD is gainfully employed and has a trust fund. So at least there are no bills to worry about!
Print the pic and put it on
Print the pic and put it on his pillow. Parents should know what their children are doing. Even adult children.
Meh, I wouldn't say anything.
Meh, I wouldn't say anything. If she wanted him to know she would have told him. She's a big girl.
^^^This.... She is 23 years
^^^This....
She is 23 years old. Has a job and trust fund as you mentioned. She can do what she wants with her body and doesnt need her dad's permission.
She will tell him/show him when she is ready.
Not your business to show him a picture of her on someone else's Facebook.
I'd stay out of her business.
I'd stay out of her business. She obviously wants it to be a surprise. As poor as your relationship is with this woman there is no reason to stir the pot.
He'll never know you knew if you don't say anything before or after he finds out.
I'm tending to go with all
I'm tending to go with all the advice to stay out of it, OC. I am afraid there is nothing in this for me but headache. As others have said, she's a big girl now. If she wants to go out and do this stuff, it's her business.
And as long as I can keep mum until he sees her again for himself, it's probably for the best. Quite frankly, I find reasons to avoid seeing her anyway, so when he sees her next time he'll probably go alone.
I do appreciate all the advice I get on here. Just when I think I am becoming an "emeritus" of StepTalk, something inevitably crops up and I wind up writing in again!
Thanks to everyone for your opinions and insight, as always!
Not a peep ~ what good could
Not a peep ~ what good could come of it !!! In essence you would be sniping ~ I wouldn't touch that topic with a ten foot pole.
It's not like he won't figure it out when he sees her new look !
She's a working adult. She
She's a working adult. She didn't ask ask dad to foot the bill. There's no need to tell your husband anything.
She's 23 and already having
She's 23 and already having work done???
Yes, that's the thing I think
Yes, that's the thing I think is so troubling. 23 and already hitting up surgical cosmetic changes. And to be clear, there is/was absolutely NOTHING wrong with her appearance that would warrant it. She did not have anything legitimately wrong - her nose was not big, never broken, and not odd-shaped in any way. It fit her face perfectly.
Like most people have said, and I agree, she is an adult and can do what she wants and it's not my business. I decided not to say a word - let her Dad find out for himself.
Aside from that, I do feel sad about it all because she obviously has some insecurity issues and thinks making cosmetic changes will somehow "improve" her. The fact she has a serious underlying medical condition makes it even more disturbing for having this kind of elective surgery. The risks she took don't seem to warrant the "improvements" she got out of it.
But hey, it's her body, her life and her choice. And I'm sure that will be what she tells her father when he eventually sees her and probably asks why she did it ...
Say nothing. You don't deal
Say nothing. You don't deal with her otherwise, why bring up the plastic surgery? It is her business. Let her tell her father etc.
You don't want to open a can of worm here.