Need advice on letting go of anger
I do not know how to handle my feelings about my step daughter who turns 18 in 2 weeks.
She irrationally and out of the blue decided she hated me and put me through HELL. She since has moved out and said she will never ever talk to me again or set foot in my (our) house. For almost a year she had zero contact with her dad despite his attempts to reach out to her. Now they "talk", when she needs something from him. I hate that she still manipualtes him and he is so desperate for a relationship with her he will do anything to think he has one, even if it is him "buying" one from her.
I loved her so much and did everything for her for so long. I tried everything to save our relationship and I do understand now that it was not within my control to do so but I lost a daughter when she did what she did and that loss has never been acknowledged by anyone because I am "just a step mom".
I harbor so much sadness and pain and anger and resentment for how she has treated me. For how my husband allowed her to treat me. That he still reaches out to her even though she bad mouths me and lies about me. Has so much of his family hating me for the things she said I did, but I didn't. I need to know how to move past this. I know she is his daughter but I find myself hating even hearing her name. I dont even want to hang up her pictures because they make me cry. It is not just anger but so much pain and sadness. It consumed me before she left, I was very very depressed and now that he "talks" to her again I feel that way again and I need to know how to cope with her "existing". She continues to make it clear she hates me. I will be fine and then I think about her and just loose it. I cry and I want to scream. What do I do when she graduates, or has kids? I hate the thought of her kids being in my husband's life. When my husband wants to take my kids to see her? My oldest misses her, but said she was very rude last time he saw her, I know that hurt his little feelings so much and that makes me soooo angry. A whole other level of anger towards her. My younger ones do not even remember her but my husband is determined that they will have a relationship with her and I do not want that. Do I have a say in that? WHAT DO I DO???? How can I get rid of this ugliness in my heart. I hate her I really do. I do not know how to not care.