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Need to accept, no other choice

susan63's picture

So, ss #1 and phony wife,(peacemaker my ass), exclude me from first born sons christening. DH didn't go, but apologized and asked for brats forgiveness while on 3 week hunting trip. I told him he should have gone. This 32 year old spoiled ahole is enjoying the power he wields over daddys life. DH told me I need to text/call his son and try to make amends. I can't, I did nothing to deserve this. DH says no one noticed that I wasn't at baby shower or christening. Foolish man, of course they did! Makes me sick, phony wife acts like a martyr, she's tried everything to make peace. She enjoys this. Now DH wants me to go to his Thanksgiving dinner at his mother's house. I will never, ever be in the same room with them again. I am so consumed with anger. I can't live this way. Psoriasis and Sjogrens flare ups constantly, I'm making myself sick with this! I can't stop, I know it's ridiculous to allow anyone to control my emotions so negatively. ss isn't thinking about the grief he has caused me. Why can't I stop? Seriously, I feel like I'm losing it sometimes. #2 ss, 31 years old, on 3rd job in 6 months. It will be a year in Jan. he moved in with us, " just for a couple months". His girlfriend of 3 months lives here too. I was never asked how I felt about that. Her thong underwear, bras, clothes in my dryer, ss throws laundry in the washer and leaves. Should I have dumped their clothes in their bedroom? DH would have been very angry. I have to face the fact that I come last. I am getting the feeling DH is tired of me and my anger.He doesn't care how I feel. I put all my money, over $100,000 into this house. DH pays the bills, I got sick 3 years ago, can't support this house. So, choices are limited. I have my 17 year old son who gives no one any problems to think of. He has another year before he graduates. I can't turn his life upside down again. I have to find some kind of peace and just deal with it.

anothermom's picture

Prayers and hugs!!!! I know you know this, but stress is going to flare up your psoroasis!!!!

stepinafrica's picture

You have gotten some very good advice.

You need to have some a life outside of your DH and his kids. Reason being, you will always be an outsider. It will always be expected of you to grovel. Volunteer somewhere, join a class, start a book club, get an online job, start sewing, have something that is yours and only yours. Something that does not include DH or skids in any way.

When it comes to the house, let things go. You do not have to be their maid. Just pretend not to see the mess and in time you will not even see it.

When you want to do your laundry, remove theirs and do yours. Then return their clothes back into the washer and go on like nothing happened.

Cook when you feel like it. When you are tired, you are tired.

As far as your financial situation is concerned, don't resign yourself to your situation. Start doing some research, you may very well find that there is a way you can earn some income for yourself. Thank God your son is almost 18.

Above all, remain positive about the future. Never stop fighting for a good future for yourself. Don't let them steal your joy. Don't let them make you feel defeated and hopeless. Where there is a will there is a way.