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At my wits end!

This-is-Me's picture

Submitted by This-is-Me on Wed, 01/25/2023 - 9:26am

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Adult Stepchildren

I just don't know where to turn when it comes to my 25 year old stepson.  He's rude, surly and can resort to voilent verbal outbursts if questioned about anything.  His father makes excuse after excuse for his behaviour and I'm left feeling as though my objection to his behviour is unreasonable and I should just accept that this is the way he is.  I cannot take it anymore.  

He has graduated from college but is not making any kind of concerted effort to try and find work.  He expects a well paid job, with a great boss who understand him and gives him flexible working hours, to miraculously find him.  And while this nonsense continues, his dad continues to pay maintenance (amongst other things!) for this lazy, rude, ungrateful layabout. 

I just have no idea where or how all of this will end!  Any advice would be gratefully received.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 01/25/2023 - 9:43am

I am assuming this man-child lives with you. What do you mean your husband is paying maintenance?? Like child support for a 25 yr old college graduate?? Please tell me that isn't true. 

Does he have learning disabilities? Why are you allowing him to disrupt your daily life?

Your husband doesn't get to make the unilateral decision on him living there if he is. 

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Wed, 01/25/2023 - 10:07am

maintenance for a 25 year old college graduate? A man who is violent in your home, paying no rent, doing nothing? An enabling father/DH??

No wonder you are at your wit's end. This man-child would have been out of my home years ago. And if your DH plans to continue supporting his man-child, maybe those two should live together and you get your lfie back.

Definitely time to have the "talk" with DH. The next violent outburst would be handled by the police and me requesting charges to be filed. Add in a Restraining Order, then the man-child would have to be out of the house. Time to lay down some boundaries and new expectations. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Wed, 01/25/2023 - 11:01am

He can hold out for that "perfect" job as long as daddy continues to take care of him. College doesn't entitle you to a high paying easy job, you still have to start at a lower level and climb your way up. A lot of kids think they can leave their parents house and walk into the same lifestyle, same type of house, cat, disposable income... That's just not reality. Your first real job is often just a foot in the door on the way to a better job and that gap on his resume is not going to make it easier.

You are not being unreasonable, you're being gaslit.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 01/25/2023 - 3:04pm

Your SS is the lethal combo of carbs/sugar, and you need to put him on a diet plan. SS is 25. An adult.

So, what I propose is this:

1. Have the police on your phone contact list for speeddial and let husband know that if SS appears threatening in any way you will call.

2. You will expect that for every dime he pays into an account for SS-maintenance, that an equal amount will be in a separate account owned and managed by you exclusively.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 01/29/2023 - 6:56pm

will go to support this rude, volatile, asshole of a failed family spawn. He is degreed. He can support himself. He can wait tables, manage a convenieuce store, dig ditches, until he finds his dream job.

Not one cent.

Make sure daddy knows that if this kid is not immediately cut off and put out to fend for himself, that your DH is gone with him.

File separation paperwork and have DH served. Let him know that if he fails to deliver on these demands, the divorce papers will be next and soon.

smh

Nea