No, you are not being unreasonable. Your DH on the other hand... is pathetic and has raised a pathetic golden crotch nugget who is s.p.e.c.i.a.l. Time to start stacking all of SD's dirty dishes in her suit case and inform her that she cleans them or wears them. if she had her own bed instead of sharing your daughter's bed I would stack the dirty dishes on her bed.

Time to not discuss this with your DH but inform him that he confronts and addresses this crap immediately or he needs to move the 19yo to a hotel.

smh

Time to talk with husband, this daughter is 19! Why is she coming to your bedroom period? Ridiculous, it is sick (SD and husband).

This is what the skids were told about our bedroom - do not knock after 10 pm unless you are bleeding, there is an intruder, or the house is on fire. All other issues will have to wait until morning.

Dh's youngest two, now 16 and 19, would come to him when they had a bad dream, a storm would come through, or if they generally could not sleep. His oldest two, now stb 22 and 24, would come to our room to ask the most stupid and random question between midnight and 1am. It was ridiculous and I strongly encouraged Dh to lay the law down. Whatever you find suitable to encourage your Dh is totally up to you!

Your husband allows this bs. Talk to him about it. Don't wait for that rude, no home training having SD of yours to leave. Nip this in the bud ASAP. this is ridiculous. I don't blame you for being disgusted, mad and irritated. I would be too.

If ANYONE over the age of 18 knocked on my bedroom door because they "had a bad dream" I would go bat sh*t ballistic on them. And I would not care who it was.

You do not have to ask permission to tell off a rude ahole. Doesn't matter who they are related to.

This behavior is totally out of line. She is 19 not 9.

She is obviously feeling insecure around both of you. I don't know how much or how often she is around you, but since it isn't constant she might feel like an intruder. She wants to be included and acknowledged, so be sure to do that just like you would your own child. And I trust with your own child (older of course), if she left dishes all over, etc. you would be laying the law down on her as well.

Just tell her calmly and matter of factly you would appreciate it if she would clean up after herself, and see how it goes. Don't bring in the artelery unless you have to. That said, teens can be sloppy....I know...DD wanted to be a totally slob for a while (it is a stage they go through) and given the proper direction/training will outgrow it...my DD did though there was some rough sailing at times.

Please do not wait until SD leaves to confront DH about her rudeness and laziness or knocking on the bedroom door for Daddy's comfort in the middle of the night like a small child. Do it now. My SD was like this and I regret I did not put an end to the B.S. right away. By not nipping it in the bud I allowed it to get worse - and it will get worse for you if you don't take care of it now.

Inform your DH that you will not longer tolerate her rude behavior and be specific about the issues. Then ask that he take care of this immediately. If he chooses to not to tell him you will have no choice but: 1. When she enters your home and treats you like you are invisible you will take her aside a tell her you will not tolerate it. 2. When she piles her dishes in the sink you will tell her, "You can put your dishes in the dishwasher or wash them." 3. When she knocks on your bedroom door in the night, you will open the door yourself. If she says she has had a nightmare you will let her know that you and your DH will not be woken up in the middle of the night unless it is am emergency.

I went through this stuff with my SD and waited for DH to do something. Like many of the DHs on here he 'gas lighted' me, telling me it was my imagination or SD did not feel welcome in our home. Looking back I should have done something when I first started dealing with SD's rude behavior. It only got worse - for over 20 years. I was afraid of my DH getting mad. Also my mistake.

Think of it - if anyone else stayed in your home for a month without acknowledging your existence and treated you as if you were her maid or getting your husband up in the middle of the night for a nightmare, would you put up with it? You are worthy of mutual respect!

:jawdrop: What the.......

Aergia will knock on our door and I will simply tell her... it can wait ..... she used to walk in without knocking, now she knocks and walk in if SO is in the shower I simply say.. Dad is showering it's not a crisis it can wait.

I suggest you talk to your husband, this is not a child anymore it's a grown woman, she's old enough to have sex, she's old enough to sort out her own dung. And address the issue about the dishes, simple tell her SD, this is not a hotel, please attend to your dishes, take control of your house, she's only visiting for a month....

Then tell DH, you will not tolerate this dung, either he does it for her or he tells her to do it, he does not want you to take over now does he....

You are wasting your time, if you think you DH will do anything about his DD19.

Take care of it yourself, however necessary. DH doesn't need to be in the middle; if he chooses to get in the middle, tell him this is between you and SD19.

I would put a stop to it immediately, with no qualms. I have set my SD56 straight, once, and it only took once. I am a bit blunt, but she got the point. Now she hates me and stays away from me. SD sees her Dad when she and he wishes, but I'm out of the picture and she doesn't even think about coming into our home, when I'm here.

Take care of it. It is very difficult; kind of like saying "NO" for the first time; then it gets easier. Believe me you won't regret taking care of it yourself and leaving DH completely out of it. Don't even discuss it with him, unless he ask; then don't get into a confrontation with him about it. Just tell him you will handle it, he doesn't need to get involved.

Good Luck! This is not normal for sure. Being nice won't get you anywhere with this; just go directly to your SD19.

She is far too old to be freaking out over a bad dream, and most importantly to be waking up dadddddy because of that. Seriously, just icky.

If DH wont do or say thing to stop her, then you should. I know everyone says to not parent them, not to engage when angry, etc., but I cant hold my tongue when it gets to that point.

My SD13 has tried this on several occasions. DH fell asleep on the couch recently, and about 1am SD went out because she couldn't sleep and woke him up and told him. I was like WTH? What is he going to be able to do about it? Don't wake someone up to tell them YOU cant sleep, that is rude. And I told her that. If she were a young child, I would understand more, but come on, she's a teen. Same with the waking us in the middle of the night, it better be an emergency and not something piddly.

My BS would have never come in at 19 because of a bad dream, and definitely not for me to go lay with him. ICKKKK

when a stepchild is being rude, lazy or abusive, its all the fault of the parent in the household.

sd need to grow up and have some responsiblity.

i would leave the dishes and utensils right where she left them and let her father grow some balls and deal with it.

this is not your job.

sounds like a 19 year old is taking this too seriously:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY_BMqcgJDY

Next time she knocks on your door confront her naked and say I will walk you to your bedroom and sit with you if you are afraid.