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On my way to Freedom...sort of

clark6292's picture

Submitted by clark6292 on Fri, 11/25/2016 - 12:15am

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Adult Stepchildren

I am still relatively new to this site, and I have to say it is an immense help! I wish I had found it earlier. It has already helped me find support, give support and separate the salt from the pepper (the BIG problems from the everyday irritants.)

After 17 years of marriage, I am in the process of divorcing DH because he has no backbone and adult SD has been swindling money from him/us to support drug habit. Meanwhile, she is and always has been disrespectful of me, has never worked (or gone to college) always the victim and caused numerous fights between DH and myself. Since DH cannot grow a backbone, and continued to aid and abet SD and I do not want to drag this into my old age with me I am preparing to divorce.

Sunday I communicated to DH that I want a divorce and would not be doing Thanksgiving with him. He did not seem to care, and said sarcastically "I am thankful." I didn't give it life or him any further attention. I did my own thing today. Having lost my mom last year I was no longer needed to cook dinner for my family of origin (which I had done for 15 years.) I hung with friends, watched a football game, disengaged.

It wasn't that bad. I just wanted to say thanks guys! I am thankful for you!

Next stop: Attorney consults (because he is gonna pay)

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 11/25/2016 - 4:15am

Clark,

Congratulations on beginning your new life adventure with that shallow and polluted gene pool fading in your rear view mirror.

My condolences on the demise of your marriage though. None of us enter the blended family arena with the intent of our relationships not surviving. When our partners lack the character to step up and be the equity life partner we thought they were it can be a sad thing.

I prefer to focus on a future of adventure and meaning than lament the failures of people who the lack character and substance to make that journey.

Enjoy and take care of you.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Fri, 11/25/2016 - 3:20pm

Good for you for wanting something healthier for yourself and your bios. You seem like such a brave, strong, loyal and loving woman, and wise enough to know when to fold and leave the game.

Military deployments, crazy ex, skids, addiction, the death of a child - the odds of a marriage surviving even one of these circumstances are not good, yet you beat them for a long time. Just imagine how wonderful your life will be without having a millstone of someone else's issues tied around your neck!

CANYOUHELP's picture

Submitted by CANYOUHELP on Fri, 11/25/2016 - 4:06pm

Congratulations lady!

You deserve to be married or have a partner who is genuinely invested in you, not his daughter/wife. You are wise indeed to not settle for less, but I do commend you for the all the effort; you tried!

It takes two in a partnership and you cannot do it alone; now you do not have to deal with the undue stress and lack of loyalty from anybody, especially not a husband.

Great things are coming you way.....

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Fri, 11/25/2016 - 7:39pm

Good for you!!! It's time to live for yourself and your kids. I thought you were the one who owned the house. If so, is DH moving out?

clark6292's picture

Submitted by clark6292 on Fri, 11/25/2016 - 8:08pm

Thanks granny you are the best! I think my biggest hurdle right now is 2 BS I share with DH (now 13, 16). How can I ensure their continued safety and keep them on the right track when our household is now changing. I gave endlessly for 17 years in the name of family...so this is my biggest concern. DH will not put BS's needs first because child support will be an issue. I cannot turn my back on BS's because I owe that to them. If I knew then what I know now....

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Fri, 11/25/2016 - 10:49pm

Impress upon your divorce lawyer the need for your kids to be away from all that addiction. Repeat the story of your ss and your terrible fear the same will happen to your kids if left unsupervised (by that I mean Dad is the responsible person) at/with their dad.

You should ask for full custody with supervised visitation.

You may not get that but you may convince the judge to minimize the time with dad. I think the fate of your ss and what's become of sd will be very powerful evidence in your favor.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Fri, 11/25/2016 - 10:52pm

BTW, your h's reax to your announcement is final confirmation that you are doing the right thing.

After that, you know there was nothing on earth worth staying for there. Just more abuse awaited you.