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my skids argued with their terminally ill father!

tigsbestbuddy's picture

My husband was diagnosed terminally I'll a month ago. He has 4 kids. Oldest one finally called after 2 weeks, a few days ago, sent a text asking for money! #2 and #3 came to visit. Rude to me, disrespectful. An hour before they left the nursing home he is in, got in to an argument with me, told their dying father "you always take her side" ( not true at all.) I had to leave the room, and remained in the lobby until they left. He was crying, and devastated. Then #3 posts crap on social media about how I am two faced, hypocritical, backstabber. They have ignored him for years! Day after this visit, #3 was screaming at him over the phone. #4 doesn't call despite my texts and calls. How do I handle this? Already had to block them from social media to avoid attacks. Why don't they realize that may have been the last time they see him? I need to protect him. The stress is way too much for his heart! :jawdrop:

tigsbestbuddy's picture

we are going home Thursday, his 52nd Birthday. Hospice is involved, and I will definitely let them know not to allow them to harass him. They live far away, but can still call. Thanks for the advice.

another step's picture

I am so very sorry you are dealing with this when you should be concentrating on your remaining time with your DH. Please use the resources of the nursing home. This is not the first, nor will it be the last, time that they have dealt with things like this. They will have social workers, chaplains, and the nurses will be able to help too. It is their job to reduce stress on your DH but also on his caregivers too. Don't be afraid to lean on them.

There will be plenty of time later to deal with his children. Make sure your home is secured - just to be on the safe side - make sure all legal affairs are taken care of, and then concentrate on being with him. Take care of yourself while you take care of him. Big hugs and warm thoughts going out to you.

Snowflake's picture

I am so sorry that you have this all to deal with this. But how was their relationship before the illness. Was he a great dad and they were little brats, or was he not a very involved father?

Either way if their interest is only financial, then it is up to you and him to make sure that they know how that they will not be included in any financial planning (i.e. Wills) because of their attitudes.

ctnmom's picture

So sorry for what you are going through. Those skidmarks sound despicable. I would just do my best to keep them away, and keep your DH comfortable and the less stress, the better. God bless.

Dunwiththem's picture

Sorry to hear this, tigs. You have had some good advice. Try to keep a dignified front with skids at present, for DH's sake. You can let them have it afterwards if you need to and then they will be out of your life for good. (((hugs)))

hatesteplife's picture

I think if your husband wants to be protected from them, then you should. Otherwise, i wouldn't interfere. They are his awful spawn, and as shitty as my skids are to their dad, he'd probably want the opportunity to communicate with them, even if it was negative, if he was dying. I would not let myself get drawn into arguments with the skids. Just ignore them. If they haven't been around for years, they really have no control over the situation. If they call and your DH doesn't want to talk to them, then hang up on them. If he does, let him deal with them. Dying or not, it's his right as a dad. Ask him his wishes for this time. What does he want you to do if they show up at the door, etc.

Show him lots of love and take care of yourself, too. I'm sorry you're in such a bad situation.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

I am so sorry to hear of your DH's illness. Now is a tough time for both of you and you don't need problems from the skids.

Let the Hospice know to keep them at bay as it is upsetting to him, or minimal supervised visit so they can say their goodbyes.

Sadly, but truly, death brings out the ghoul in lots of people, especially those that think they DESERVE an inheritance because of family ties. I hear this a lot from people in my age bracket. and my own SD is thinking and planning what she THINKS she will be getting from me.

God Bless you and him and prayers at this time.

notsobad's picture

So sorry that you are dealing with this. Watching someone you love in pain is horrible.

I do agree with hatesteplife, let him decide if what he wants. At this point I'm sure he's feeling like he doesn't have any control over anything. Give him control over this.
If his children are horrible to him, then let him tell them to go away, that he doesn't want to see them. If they are horrible and he still wants to see them, then let him.

Do make sure that all his wishes are taken care of, do not allow the children to take that over. Get a lawyer in to meet with him if you haven't already done that.

sandye21's picture

Sorry you are having to go through this horrible behavior. They had their chance to communicate with their Father and chose to be scumbags about it. Ask the staff to keep the a$$es away.

SugarSpice's picture

i feel sorry for you but in the end you will not be obligated to deal with these selfish skids. they will be out of your life.

notsobad's picture

I used to be in insurance and have seen this happen too. The owner of the policy can change the beneficiaries at any time and there is nothing anyone can do about it, unless they can prove forgery or mental illness.

Good luck Sueu2, it won't be fun.