My husband's adult stepdaughter
She suddenly appeared back in our lives after an 8-year estrangement -- in a very ugly way, naturally.
Although she introduced us 10 years ago, and we had a very cordial relationship, she stopped speaking to my husband 8 years ago after he refused to put her name on the deed to our next house. At first he didn't seem to realize that by doing that he would lose ownership of half of his house. When I got an opinion from a lawyer he realized he would lose his house if he complied. Or I could lose my house if she decided to take action after he died. Her plan (from what she's said lately) was to force him to sell and take half of the equity in the house for herself. She claims she wanted to put the money in a trust for her son.
A few months ago my husband reconnected with his ex-son in law, and he got to briefly talk to his step grandson, now a teenager. His SIL asked the boy to babysit our dog when we go out of town but he is busy with his studies and declined, nicely.
The SIL asked the SD if it would be okay if my husband came to the step grandson's high school graduation. And her reaction was to freak out and message me on facebook, telling me all kinds of lies about how my husband "tormented" his step grandson, and stole her inheritance from her. She demanded that I keep my husband away from her son. I haven't spoken to her in 8 years and I have no idea why she contacted me and not my husband. She did receive half of her mother's life insurance in her mother's will. No problem. It was in the will. The inheritance she's talking about is my husband's marital home, the one he shared with her mother. That house was sold and now we live in OUR house, that I paid tens of thousands of dollars to "earn" my portion of. Even though state law says the original marital home was automatically my husband's when his wife died, his wife's will specified that her share goes to her husband. Maybe she anticipated that her daughter would try to get the house.
I think the thing that hurts the most is the implication that my husband tormented his step grandson. She also claimed that he called her a c-word when she was a child. I have never heard him use that word in the 10 years I've known him. And he's a sweet gentle soul who would never harm a child. He has a temper, but not as bad as mine. Her mother was a sweet woman and well loved, but a terrible alcoholic. So he used to get angry with her about her drinking. She died of cirrhosis of the liver. Now SD's got it turned around that he somehow caused her death, tormented her, and her son. It's ludicrous.
So now I've told this 51 year old teenager not to contact us. I blocked her on facebook. And I let her know as soon as the boy turns 18 he's going to know that his mother lied to him for years about his step Grandad. I've never ever had to deal with someone this crazy. Her ex calls her a sociopath.
Will some of you experienced step moms and dads tell me what you would do in my shoes?
I would do exactly what you
I would do exactly what you've done - block her from your life. This woman is 51 years old, and is not going to change.
Why does your DH even want
Why does your DH even want this crazy woman in his life?
He doesn't
He loved his grandson. He wants to see his grandson.
Just the title
of your blog made me cringe...
Nothing but trouble in your future if long lost SD is in your DH,s life.
I am well aware
My plan is to let his Dad (SD's ex) explain to the boy what happened. And let him make up his own mind whether he wants to see my husband, who he used to call "Papa" instead of Grandpa.
The SD is not permitted to contact us. Once her son is over 18 she can't legally do anything about my husband talking to the boy. She can try but really what can she do that is legal? If she ever showed up here we would immediately call the police.
SD is nuts
you can not deal with someone is crazy.
Agreed
I don't know how she got so crazy and I don't care. She just needs to stay gone. We're preserving the text messages she sent and will show them to police if necessary to get a restraining order.
My husband will see his step grandson. But not the step daughter.
I let her know as soon as the
Please don't, just leave it alone and go your seperate ways. What an awful coming of age gift, another boatload of family drama. Don't you think he's already had enough? No 18 yr old needs to be saddled with issues that aren't his. The accusations and old rifts are between your husband and the boys mother. I would be livid if I asked someone to stay away from my kid and they showed up just to unloaded their unresolved issues on him.
Not his unresolved issues. Hers.
He was never anything but kind to her. I was there. He raised her and did everything her bio father refused to do. He took good care of her and always did anything she asked of him, except put her name on his house.
I agree that he shouldn't foist himself on the boy. Just calmly tell the story and leave it up to the boy. If the child does not want to see my husband he can live with that.
She can't do anything about
She can't do anything about her ex allowing him to see their son, so he should cut her off entirely, and keep the lines open with her exH and their son. Seems like ExSIL wants your DH to have a relationship with his son and will facilitate that. I assume he and crazy SD are divorced? If so, she has no say in him allowing DH to see their son.
My DH had an SD who he loved and helped raise. After he left BM, they still had a good relationship, until she asked him to co-sign a loan and he said no. She never spoke to him again, and it's been 10 years almost. I guess they didn't have as a good a relationship as he thought, if she could just cut him out so easily.
I agree with you
SD's ex-husband, the boy's father, loves my husband. They are close. He wants my husband to be part of his son's life because the child doesn't have many good male role models. And at one time years ago my husband was very close to his step grandson, remembers those times well and still loves him.
SD is out of our lives forever, whatever the outcome with the boy. No one can deal with that kind of lying. She is just next level crazy. In order to keep my husband away from her son she actually threatened to tell me mean things my husband said about me when we first met. I'm sure she can come up with some whoppers. Like the lie that her mother left her the house in her will . . .
In order to send the will to my brother-in-law, an attorney, I took it to work and scanned it and emailed it too him. The will very clearly states that SD's mother leaves her share of the house to her husband. Both their names were on the house. In my state, as I guess in most states, the house becomes 100% the property of the surviving spouse. It wasn't necessary for his deceased wife to say in her will that her share belongs to her husband. But I believe she knew her daughter well. Sbe foresaw this mess. Even after receiving a copy of her mother's will, SD told everyone who would listen that her mother left her the house, and my husband somehow stole her inheritance. She actually told ME that lie not knowing I had read the will. I think whenever she opens her mouth it is a lie. She said "After what he did to me, my mother and my son". What he did, was support them financially, physically, and emotionally. He's a GOOD man. He takes care of me as if I was made of spun glass. I'm sure he did the same for his first wife. SD is lying trash.
She's history. Forever. The boy is an open question. For myself I don't care whether or not I see him. But he's the closest thing to a grandson my husband will ever have. If there is a chance to salvage that relationship it's worth it. If the attempt fails nothing is lost. I mean nothing MORE is lost. He basically lost him 8 years ago.
I feel like this 51 year old teenager will wreak havoc given half the chance. I'm strong, I'm angry and I will absolutely never let that happen.
Thank you
Sounds like we have similar stories with crazy SD. No money? No relationship. Except probably yours didn't lie about him to the rest of his family. This SD actually called my husband's sister 8 years ago to complain that he refused to give her his house while he was still living in it.
I agree that there's nothing SD can do if the SIL allows my husband to see the boy. And if the boy says he does not want a relationship with my husband he can live with that. At least he tried.
ExSIL does indeed want my DH to have a relationship with his son is happy to facilitate it. SIL loves my husband and they either see each other or speak on the phone daily. Yes he and crazy SD are divorced since the boy was about 6 I think. We always heard SD's side of the story and assumed SIL was at fault and had neglected his wife. Turns out she cheated on him for at least a year and he ended the marriage due to her infidelity.
We just don't have this kind of drama in my family. Yes we argue sometimes like cats and dogs but we never lie or try to slander one another. And we always come back together eventually. We always love each other.
Sounds that you have a plan.
Sounds that you have a plan. Just one thing. Do not ever tell SD anything about what you or DH are going to do.
The less she knows, the better it will be for you and DH.
When SGS turns 18, or even sooner since you connected with him through his father, start introducing the young man to the facts and bare SD's ass for the toxic extortionist that she is.
Family is not a matter of
Family is not a matter of numbers, it is a matter of quality. The toxic spawn of your DH's prior relationship couplings are not of sufficient quality to be family.
You and DH are a family. The only family in this tragic situation. Recognize that and do not allow the stench of the rotten crotch droppings to invade either your family or ... the joy in your life.
What is it with people who
What is it with people who ‘expect’ inheritance, and quibble about it before people you know, have ‘passed on’. Pure greed.