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My husband is co-dependent with his 26 yr old daughter living with us.

Mamie2's picture

Sad Unfortunately, I have been the full time step parent in charge of their care for all 3. They resent me because their evil mother has done everything possible to cause hate towards me. When I married their father 6 years ago, the kids(girls) all wanted to live with him. They were 12,15,17. They only wanted to live with dad so they could get away with more since he is a non-existent parent never home. They thought they could get away with murder but I have already raised two successful children and could read their antics a mile away. They hated me and they appreciated me because I was the one to make sure all school stuff was done. Got them Drs appts, hygiene products, listened to them. So much more, including knowing immediately the youngest daughter wasn't a mean kid, but a child who was Aspbergers. All her school records stated this BUT the parents refused to acknowledge it. I forced them to except it and we started getting her the correct help. Truly in today's light, CPS should have been called.

So, now for the eldest story currently. She moved out 5 years ago. Decided to move back in our home. I was never asked once about it. Dad, always wanting to be the favorite, said yes. When I asked, he said it's only for a few weeks until she can find a new apt. It's been a year now. I WANT HER GONE!!! These girls are spoiled brats. No apt. was ever good enough. Although my husband and their mother has no problem letting the Aspbergers adult child live in the projects with no monetary support except the govt. and what her poor grandmother gives her.

The one living with us is rude, disrespectful and is worthless in offering help. A matter of fact if I ask her to do something she purposely ignores me. Very stubborn. Like her Dad. Her Dad/my husband has picked her over me even when I say "It's her or me". He says she can leave whenever she wants to. She has a full time job with benefits, car paid off, student loans paid off and should be just fine financially. When Hubby and I are "just us", everything is perfect. When I walk in my house now, all I feel is negative energy. HELP, please.

Journey Perez's picture

Well if he can just move her in without your permission and without consulting with you than you can kick her out without his permission or consulting with him. Give her a formal 30 day notice!

sammigirl's picture

***THIS*** Everything must be in writing for an eviction signed by a Judge; then file trespassing charges if she reappears. The wheel of justice turns slowly, but an eviction notice is forever.

Mamie2's picture

Thank you everyone. The truth is staring me in the face. SD will always win for some reason. I like the comments from those who say disengage from her. If she is not in my mind, I'll have peace. The hard part is my dignity. The strength that I give away and know better. I love this man, but believe initially I was used as a caregiver for his children. Especially to spite his ex-wife. It had been 3 years since she left him when we got together. You'd think he would have moved on. He is a recovering alcoholic and quite honestly, he is trying to be a better husband/person except for SD's. I know I'm codependent too. I'm just confused. I'm afraid to live alone. I have chronic illness.

GottaLaugh's picture

Unfortunately without your husbands support you do have a hard road. The first thing is to not make her life too comfortable at home. I don't know the dynamics of your household, such as who cooks meals, does the washing, housework etc. But if it's you, STOP doing anything for her, don't cook for her, don't clean for her, don't do any of her laundry etc. How does she spend her time at home, do you have shared space such as a lounge, if she watches TV in the same space as you make sure she does not have control of this, pick up the remote and change the channel, make her pay for all her own products, you get the picture ?

I would also disengage and whilst this is difficult when living together, it can me done. Treat her like she is invisible, she is not there , do not include her in conversations with your husband, if she interrupts and puts her 2 cents in, STOP her, say excuse me I wasn't talking to you and it's bad manners to interrupt, then carry on talking to your husband.

It will not be easy, but if you are going to stay in your marriage you need to take control.