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Money manipulation

Popstar's picture

Well here we are again youngest SD on the phone this evening telling DH that she is struggling with money. Basically because she is lazy like her mother and at 23 is choosing to work as a hairdresser 3 days a week. She maintains that she can't get another job or so she keeps telling DH!! Here is the manipulation when she tells him that BM is going to help her out with money for Christmas!! It works every time and she knows it DH offers to give her the money instead!! I feel so angry that he can't see through this and am fuming inside. If I had my life all over again I would never have married into all this toxicity. I actually despise her behaviour especially as I have worked hard all my life for everything and here she is having money handed out on a plate!! I also have to keep my thoughts to myself which I am finding extremely difficult.
 

 

 

hereiam's picture

Why do you have to keep your thoughts to yourself? You should be able to discuss things like this with your husband.

Popstar's picture

Basically because he can't see her for what she is and if I say anything it will fall on deaf ears which will make me even angrier. I have tried to tell him before that she will come to expect these hand outs instead of finding full time work!! I also think that if the money were to stop we wouldn't see much of her. The older one never bothers with him due to poison BM has spread about DH and I think he is terrified that the other one will do the same so he keeps giving the money.

hereiam's picture

Gotcha. Another one who is afraid of their own kid and is willing to buy their affection. Yuck.

I do hope that him giving her money does not affect YOU financially, now or in the future. Even if not, I know that it is still VERY frustrating.

Loxy's picture

Do you have separate finances from DH or do you share finances meaning it's your money he's giving her? If it's the latter then you absolutely have to put your foot down and put a stop to it. If you don't share finances then I would let it go, it's his problem. 

Kaylee's picture

OP I get exactly where you're coming from re the falling on deaf ears thing.

My ex was like this. I too found it hard to keep silent, even though I didn't live there. I was just gobsmacked at the rudeness and expectations of little Miss Entitled.

But these guys just deny there's a problem, or say it doesn't worry them that they're paying all the bills, or get defensive and angry. 

But the fault is theirs, for not parenting properly in the first place.