Do not accommodate her IN ANY WAY.

Given all her histrionics, NO ONE is obligated to do one thing for the SD.  I am hoping the title of this post is rhetorical because otherwise the answer is a hard NO.

It is nice your DH has your back and glad you blocked the BM.  Anything done for the SD moving forward is at the discretion of your DH.

My DH's daughter (SD 60) threw a fit over some stuff I mailed to her that got damaged unexpectedly so I don't do anything.  She got upset about that then...lol.  Danged if you do, danged if you don't.  I follow my own value set.

Absolutely not your issue. Sounds like your DH is really supportive of you not getting involved (or him either!) From here on leave it all to him, his DD, his ex, his problem to sort out.

If BM wants the precious bear and dress the she etransfer enough funds to cover the shipping and she should not text you about it. I'm glad that you blocked her. 

She left the crap, she can either grow up and move on form the teddy or she can grow up, call her father, appologize and then come pick it up.  

Until then, stuff it all in a clean garbage bag and stick it on a back shelf of a closet to fester until SD either grows up or you end up pitching it when you move.

All IMHO of course.

I would ignore and block both of them. I would also change your locks on your doors as she is aware that you will be away. 

Why not just an end to the drama? The dress should be returned. It belongs to a third. party and doesn't belong to you or SD.

The teddy bear? Keeping it just prolongs. No, you don't have to mail. She forgot it, she can come get it. Put the bear and dress in a weather proof sealed bag, send an impersonal business type letter to BM's home address. Inform residents a bag will be available Monday until Friday 9:00am- 3:00pm. on the side of your front porch. After that, items will be considered abandoned and disposed of. Coldly sign the letter 'John' as that's his name now.

If it's all gone SD has no reason to contact and you and Dad can move on from stupid teddy bears.

You will be at fault either way, in this step heaven.  But, natural consequences are the best ones.  She left in a frenzy, you owe her nothing.  This is between she and her daddeee, regardless. Bear and all....lol....

Send a text to bm and cc sd...

, we have "carefully" boxed up SD items. Please feel free to come by this weekend and pick them up. They are on the front porch starting Friday at 8am. IF the box is still there Monday at 8am, we will dispose of them.

Do the right thing. Boxing them up and telling them to come get them on their dime IS the right thing.

JMO

Don't get involved in there drama.  Once you open that door, you will be part of the drama.  

To mail or not to mail SD's belongings???

If your H doesn't care about sending her, her stuff.....why should you...In fact block every damn person from contacting you. This shouldn't even be a blip on your radar OP but you just have to entertain it, some way, some how. 

When OSD left our home in an outrage, she left a lot of things.

She decided she wanted them back. DH packed them all up (including trash and broken items!) and boxed them. Then told her she and BM could pick them up.  They didn't. Then OSD said she was going to have one of her friends pick the stuff up (she was 14 at the time), which meant the parents, whom we didn't know.  DH said no...that she either comes with BM to pick it up or nothing.  Two years later the boxes are still there.  DH is going to go through the rest of the stuff soon since we need to clean up the garage...

It's on them to get the stuff back she left.  Ramifications to actions. 

If she can send an Uber for her daughter she can send an Uber for her precious belongings.  

I'd put them in a box and send DH on his merry way to the post office.  Never keep or dispose of someones cherished items or you/DH will never hear the end of it.  

I would box up her things, put in safe place, out of you site, out of your way.  Tell DH that you boxed it up, where you put it, then he can do as he pleases.  

Don't burden yourself with any of it.  Ignore all communication with them.  I have done this.  It works and takes the fight where it belongs.

Wouldn't it be peaceful without the head games??? Hugs!

Here's what we did: We set a deadline for her to come get her remaining stuff. It was somewhere between 2 weeks and 1 month - in other words, plenty of time to rent a truck or arrange for whatever trasnportation she might need to haul stuff.

After that, everything was fair game. She came and got some of it, but didn't plan (blamed us, blah blah blah) and didn't get everything. So some of it we kept (flatscreen tv. she could have easily taken that, fits in the backseat of a car just fine) and some of it we just got rid of (she was very messy and had just a ton of trash) and some of it we still have to deal with (a nice mattress, globe, etc).

She ended up buying a new mattress, tv, etc which is more expensive than renting a van and hauling the ones she had away. But hey that's her choice.

She was the one that left the bear behind.  My inclination is not to bother at all.  Throw it all in the trash and be done with it.  If you want to be more than nice, you can tell her you will put it out by the curb at a certain date and she can pick it up but you are not going out of your way.

Well, op.  She did come and get her stuff.  Anything she left behind she relinquished.  Even Judge Marilyn would rule that she had ample opportunity and a reasonable period of time to remove ALL her stuff.

Keep what you want of it and get rid of all the rest and ignore any cries about it being your fault.

I just had visions of Annabel!  Get a glass and wood display and lock the teddy bear in it with a plaque of dire warnings to not ever open it.  Chain it shut with rusty antique chains and a huge antique padlock and put it on a shelf in your LR.  Use it to scare the crap out of people with.

When she was 18, she left to live somewhere else. I boxed and binned what looked like nostalgia or personal items.

I would put that crap in a bin and just go about your day. This is your DH's mess to contend with. Not your monkeys!

I want to tell you about our situation. A bit of a backstory. I came onto the scene when ss was 7 and living full time with dh. Sd was 3 and visiting every other weekend along with a child from bm's previous relationship whom dh raised until she was 7 now she at this time was about 10. Bm has a fourth daughter at home to another baby daddy who was 1 at the time. So yeah, bm has 4 kids to three different dads. One weekend I was over at dh's house, our relationship was about 3 months in. Each time the two girls came I would bring board games as dh literally had nothing. Anyway here we were having a lovely evening, ss and sd had fallen asleep it was about 8pm in the evening it was summer so rather hot. I said I was leaving, I was a two minute walk down the road to my house. 10 year old non bio girl was still awake, said "oh, you can't let her walk home alone daddy." I insisted I would as someone would need to watch the children. Non bio girl kept insisting making dh feel awkward cause it was a new relationship between he and I. He caved and said o.k I will only be a minute, here is my cell, call me if anything happens, do not answer the door yadda, yadda. She said "thank you for trusting me, bm lets me all the time." Dh dropped me off. The next day I was super excited to return to have a fun day with them, when I arrived, dh was packing up his house and moving in with his mother. He explained "When he returned home, bm's sister was at the house shuffling all three children into her car while saying 'how dare you leave those kids unattended." He was 2 minutes. Non bio called them, it was all set up, ss also took a playstation with about twenty games that belonged to dh and dvds. Dh lost custody of ss and could only see ss and sd at supervised visits at Mc Donalds every second weekend for four hours, because bm lied and said he beat up her and current husband. This was the early 2000's so courts took bm's word as gospel.

After that they moved to the other side of the country. We would only see them each summer for one month if we agreed to pay for them to fly. We planned our wedding one year around the time they would visit so we could include them, it was all very hush, hush. We pulled it off and bm was furious. Anyway each time they would visit, ss and sd would say our dad can't have kids, our dad can't have kids. I knew this as he had a vasectomy after sd was born, as bm was lazy, and never worked inside or outside the home, he literally did everything. She then cheated on him and got knocked up to current partner. So this was her rubbing it in all the time as if to say haha I moved on and had a kid and you can't. Anyway we focussed on work, built a huge lovely house, which made her crazy, the lies and game playing ramped up.

Then by the time ss was about 13 and sd was 9 they moved back to our state though they still lived about 3 hours away. Bm had changed the children's names to her surname and took dh off their birth certificates. They saw us more frequently now as ss was older we could go through him. We decided to have a family of our own at this point. Dh got a vasectomy reversal and we were blessed with a little boy. SS and sd were very good at hiding this from bm as they knew it would make her crazy, and it did. Get this, she actually had to be institutionalised. Then she tried to get more money, which didn't work. Then she tried to imply our son was not dh's. Then all of a sudden ss and sd could visit whenever they want.

By the time sd was 14 she was now living with us, ss now 18 was living with an uber religious girlfriend and her family, though we wanted him to live with us but he wanted to keep bm happy. So now at our house it is sd 14 and our son together not even 1 yet. Sd was suffering mental health issues due to parental alienation, and being forced to call her abusive step dad daddy, and dh by his name along with her mothers alcoholism and histrionics, all of this had certainly taken a toll. Sd was anorexic, self harming and her only interest was causing trouble with peers on facebook. We really worked hard on her, we put her into a good school took her on a wonderful vacation with theme parks, spoiled her rotten, she had her own room, bathroom and study. I quit working to help her out. She was going well at school, she had a part time job. Then she would go back to bm's family for a weekend and everything would unravel. The anorexia, the self harm and toxic behaviour would return. I lost weight due to stress, dh developed terrible eczema, and our baby got a deadly staph infection which moved to myself and dh. But we hung in there. Dh eventually was told to stop work when he became riddled with staph. We had to sell our home and move into a smaller home. Sd now did not have her bathroom or study, so she asked for the master bedroom, yeah right.

Anyway, by this time sd was 16 and our son was nearly 3. Ss was 20 and getting really involved with this really religous family whom he lied to about us, trying to place his mothers character onto us and making bm out to be a saint, and because of this he had to keep us seperate from this family so his lies would not be exposed. He had a major falling out with dh over this, and we were no longer speaking to him. Bm was now broken up with her partner and dating a new guy every week (not an exageration) and the step father had shacked up with some other women. One day sd went to work and never returned home. We tried contacting her cell, no response, she had not attended school either. She finally sent us an email saying she was staying at bm's mothers, sd's grandmothers house for the weekend. She didn't return for 3 weeks. However, we did see her at her part time job and confronted her and she simply ignored us. She would even walk past us at the local shopping centre and ignore us. She finally came to our home to say she was leaving. Dh was so angry, after everything we had sacrificed for her. She then left with only the shirt on her back and the mountain bike we bought her.

Then she wanted us to send her stuff. We said come and get it. 'Crickets.' I tried to email her, nothing. Dh tried to text her, nothing. So we bundled it all up into bags. Fast forward 2 years. I am pregnant with our bio daughter, feeling nostalgic, hormonal or whatever you want to call it. I try emailing sd about her stuff, nothing. Last I heard, she was living with step father so I try calling him. I get step fathers new girlfriend who seems pleasant and wants to help, all of a sudden step father gets on the phone yells and screams and curses the life out of me. I just want to give sd her stuff mind you. Then he wants me to meet him at a police station near him to give it to him. I say "no you are not married to her mother, we don't have to do what you want". Then this ridiculous text war ensues, and I virtually say everything I have been bottling up all these years. "I called him illiterate", which he is. (He had girlfriend text for him). I told him he was a "parental alienater," But then I felt bad. I felt bad that I put myself in that situation again. It also gave me good insight as to the way in which sd and ss manipulate both sides, as step father told me that we stole money from sd which was not true, obviously. I vowed from that day forward to never have contact with these people again, as did dh. So I had our dd and it was like a second coming for dh. It was like somebody was looking down on him and gave him the ds and dd he was meant to have. Sd contacted me by email a month later to see if she can get her stuff back, and acted all innocent as though she had just found out we were trying to reach her. I ignored this. Dh then threw her stuff away. There was nothing of great value and by this time it had been 2 years. Fast forward to this year 7 years after we have seen sd: Sd is now 23 and has a 6 month old with the same middle name as dh's deceased father who he never met and she certainley didn't either. Ss is 27 with a 3 year old and 2 newborns born the same month, 1 to religious wife and 1 to a new girlfriend. (I know). It gets worse. The baby to new girlfriend  has the same name as our daughter who is now 6 who is named after my beloved grandmother who recently passed away (clearly they have been facebook stalking my family). They contacted my dad on facebook to give him this information and to get in touch with us about sd's childhood teddy, that she desperately wants to give to her son and ss wants his childhood toys also. My dad gave them dh's cell no. and blocked them out of disgust (that was his mothers name). Ss calls and says "do you want to meet your grandkids?" Dh says "no, was that all?" Ss goes "oh," Dh hangs up. Then dh was bombarded with about 20 missed calls and text messages. Which he ignored all of. The last one was from sd becoming rather irrate asking "please I am begging you, as a parent I really want the bear." Still no response from us. That is it done, and dusted. It is not about the bear it is about still wanting control. Bm wants them in our life so we can play another round of parental alienation as grandparents with a mix of crazy histrionic, borderline, psychopathic games for another 25 years. No thanks. Also they don't know that we know the names. If they stumble accross this they may however, we don't care cause we will never know them, and it shows how crazy they all are. 

Knowing we don't have to see them feels absolutely wonderful we have never been happier. Dh was completely broken when we got together through emotional abuse and now he is successful, happy, healthy and a great dad that he always wanted to be. I say throw the bear, let them know that you did, and never look back. If a person is more concerned about an inanimate object rather than an empathetic human connection with their biological parent there is no real person there, only a souless horrible shell of a demon. Oh, update on non bio daughter 4 kids 4 different dads. Sorry this was long, the bear thing got me needing to vent. Good luck. To all step parents put yourself first always. I agree not your monkeys, took me a long time to realise this. Don't care about people who don't care about you. 

Yeah. No reason in the world for bio mom to contact us step moms when the situation is volatile. I cut the bio mom off years ago. 
 

Giving the stuff back is the right thing to do but a water proof bag on front step is exactly what I would do.