Looking for advice from the other side.
Hello to all. First and foremost, I'm not a stepparent but a stepchild (by definition alone) and I wanted some advice from the perspective of those who are stepparents. I come in peace and I'm not here to "troll" but willing to receive and consider all opinions. Secondly, I don't know all of these acronyms so forgive me on that as well. Now with that out of the way, let's cut to the chase.
I'm the only child from my mother and my father (first marriage) though he has two children (1 boy and 1 girl) prior to either marriage. I'm very close to my half siblings. I've had a toxic relationship with my father and his wife because my parents were divorce because he physically abused her consistently and she left him because she just had enough. He apparently doesn't do that anymore because my half-sister who is the only one out of us 3 who is anywhere close to him said so. When he first introduce me to her, she was very nice to me but I will be honest as a 12 year old at the time. I did not care and I did not talk to her and pretty much received a very hefty beating from my father because of it (ended up fracturing my ankle). Fast forward 2 years later and they got married. I did not go to the wedding even though he wanted me in it. I told my mom that I didn't and she stood her ground for me. My father eventually backed off. My mother hasn't tried to speak ill of them or anything in fact, she is on civil terms with both of them. They got married and during his visitation weekend with me he brought me over to his place. Again, his stepmother was there and anytime she said anything to me. I was afraid of getting my ankle broken again so I only gave short answers and I did everything she asked of me. Then she wanted to introduced me to her son ad he said "Hello, brother." I told him I wasn't his brother and I would never be his brother. He started crying and told my dad then guess what? I received another beat down (He has an abusive nature towards me). Thankfully, he took me home and he never saw me again to this day.
My half brother graduated high school, college, got married and has a child now but my father has missed it all because when my brother invites him (he only does it because his sister pressures him even he truthfully doesn't want him there). My father rejects it because he can't bring his wife with him. This past Christmas she sent me a gift. As soon, as I received it. I took the gift that I never opened because that would be rude back to their house and she answered the door because my father wasn't there. I thanked her for the thought but I told her that "I will never like you nor care about you. I don't feel comfortable for accepting a gift when I don't feel the same about you as you do for me." Then, I gave it back to her and I left.
The blending process has gone very smoothly supposedly in fact, my brother and I are probably the only non-conformists to it all. My family on my dad's side are so enamored with her. They always talk about her. My paternal grandmother has pictures of them all over her house. However, only 4 pictures involving myself, my brother or his child. It was an odd sight. Apparently, her family accepts him and loves him. He also has a daughter with her and my sister who was the only one who stayed somewhat loyal to him. My brother is lone gone I bet. He hasn't talked to them since the child's birth over a year ago. The thing is when it comes to me and my brother. While I know we are better off without him. We wouldn't mind if we ended up rebuilding relationship with him. The problem is we would have to have a relationship with our stepmother and her family. I don't consider her, her children, her children with my dad or her family in general to be our family. We don't want to have deal with them. My sister tells me that he misses us but he will stick to his guns and he will die without ever seeing us again. We feel the same way except that we don't miss him.
I remember when I played a rugby match about a couple of months ago and when I left the locker room and was heading out of the facility. My sister, stepmom and her mother were out there wanting to talk to me. I was consistently short answering her and pretty much annoyed then finally her mother told me that it was tragic that I don't have a relationship with my father but she hoped it would change and they would love to welcome me into her family. I will be honest. It has personally eaten away at me for a long time that my father can all of the sudden have a solid relationship with her (as far as I know) yet beat the snot out of my mom. It doesn't bother me anymore but it set the tone for how I would feel about him.
I've really wondered through it all why is she so persistent on making contact with me and wanting me to be involved. I said everything I can say short of "F*** off and don't talk to me again." What gives? I mentioned before that it was probably best for me and my brother to be permanently out of the picture. I apologize for the length.