Lack of boundaries
My SD grabbed my husbands phone and read all our back and forth text messages. One of which was about her weaseling money out of him and blowing up his credit card while he was visiting with her. He had no idea she did this until he got home. So what happens? She furiously texts me about what I said and how insulted she was, essentially trying to start a fight with me. I was shocked but then almost thinking, wow, glad you read that because maybe you need to see the truth.
I told her that I was sorry (not) because I did not want to escalate the situation and then deleted the messages and went to bed. But, WTH? First of all, who does that? I could not even imagine reading messages on her phone and then admonishing someone about what they wrote, whatever happened to boundaries?
I was not going to say anything but finally told my husband, he was so mad, honestly, I think more disappointed than anything. I said it's apparent she has no respect for either of us, so why are you shocked? Not sure what's going to come of it, probably nothing because she's never going to change, just so mad, pathetic....lack of boundaries on so many levels.
Mind you, she is 45, crazy, but true.
How did SD have access to
How did SD have access to your H's phone? Please tell me she doesn't live with you.
Hopefully, this can be a catalyst for change for you and your H. Sometimes it actually helps to bring things into the open and discuss them, so fingers crossed your H uses this as a teachable moment for his daughter.
he left it on the table when
He left it on the table when he was visiting her. I said the same thing you need to keep your phone on you from now on but how sad is that.
And set up a PIN.
And set up a PIN.
How did this happen??
How did this happen?? Apparently your DH needs to lock up his phone when it's not on his person.
Why apologize for a
Why apologize for a conversation you had with your husband on HIS phone! She owes you and DH the apology, and for fecks sake 45 and reading dadddeeees phone and then crying to you about it. Grow the eff up little girl. Christ I'm younger than her and I want to smack her.
Lol, he has three kids and
Lol, he has three kids and they are all stunted. seriously they act like they're 12 and Daddy still owes them something. I could go on and on but lots of entitlement and victim brain going on...
As I read this, I honestly
As I read this, I honestly thought it was a young teenager you were writing about.
45?
OMG, no words.
I would ignore her because she invaded your husband's privacy by reading his phone messages - therefore she's nothing but trash.
I am surprised she was insulted when reading the truth: statements of fact are NOT insults.
Yea, it's kind of crazy how
Yea, it's kind of crazy how self-absorbed people think this way, they get insulted but they don't think about how their behavior affects anybody else around them. 45, going on 12.
Don't apologize, block her.
Don't apologize, block her.
How did she blow up DH's credit card? Did he let her have it, or does she help herself to the contents of his phone AND his wallet?
So, long story short, we have
So, long story short, we have been together almost 30 years. His kids, most notably his daughter is always broke (bad decisions), married with 4 kids and does nothing to change her financial situation. She does not work, and her mother in law has been floating her and her husband, kids for 20 years. So.... entitlement runs deep here. My husband was just recently diagnosed with a terminal illness, so making the trip for a party (one of her kids) was a sacrifice in and of itself. But since she is so entitled and self involved (me me me, poor victim), anytime we go there she always "needs" something or we have to pay for something. Over the last, say 5 years or so, we have cut back our trips considerably because its too much. Its like the money goes out and I think I could have taken a cruise.
As soon as he gets there, she says "I need your credit card" and kind of put him in a spot. Then she said she was going to take him to a baseball game but guess who paid for those tickets? Its just beyond disgusting. So she read "those" texts and got mad at me for saying "Maybe once your daughter could buy you something nice, or take YOU out to dinner instead of it always being the other way around"
I guess the truth hurts but the funny thing is, I am glad she read it. My husband said, this is the last time I am going, he was really disgusted with her behavior (well it has always bothered him) but this was the nail in the coffin so to speak. He says he is sick of feeling like he is "being worked over."
As soon as he gets there, she
As soon as he gets there, she says "I need your credit card"
My dad would look at me like I had two heads if I ever said that to him.
My dad too but then again we
My dad too but then again we are dealing with a lot of guilt and dysfunction. Like I said, 30 years and him feeling like he "owes" her something because he feels bad that he was not the best parent (I also want to add she is the master of guilt trips and manipulation). She's always stressed out and miserable and he will put it all on her husband for not stepping up to the plate and getting a better job but I stop him now and go, she is a grown-ass woman that can change her own equation. But, I digress, why would she? Everyone (including dad) swoops in to save her. Sometimes he has to be literally screwed over for him to see things. All day yesterday he kept saying "I can't believe she did that to me" and I would just say nothing. I thought, yes, let it sink in.
At this point, not even really about the money, its the complete lack of respect she has for her dad or I. Never had it, never will. Selfish, really she is. That's why I am going to cut them off. If my son wants a relationship with his half-siblings, I won't stop it but I am over them all. Done.
The funny thing is, when my son was younger he thought his sister was kind of "cool" and now he says she is "an annoying spaz" lol.
We are in the process of nailing down some will and estate issues and I asked him, who he would want to live with if something happened to both of us, he said "not her"
Lack of boundaries
Lack of boundaries, what a very appropriate title for the thread. Pls never again apologise when you haven't done anything wrong, to anyone. I spent my entire first marriage doing this, and it is SUCH a huge mistake.
I too thought you must be talking about a 14 yr old. How in heaven's name does a 45 yr old get access to her father's credit card?
I know, I shouldn't have
I know, I shouldn't have apologized but honestly, she doesn't get it and I did not want to escalate the issue, which is clearly what she was waiting to do. She has never liked me, but I don't really care. I feel like expecting a grown woman to think about her dad for once instead of what she wants or needs is like talking to a tree stump or a rock. I'll just go yell at the rock in the back yard, more effective. One day, it will be just me and my son, I already said to my husband, if something happens to you, I am done with them all. Over it
Forty-five!!!
Forty-five!!!
Yup, lol, 45!
Yup, lol, 45!
I too thought we were talking
I too thought we were talking about a teen. My teens do crappy things since their brains and reasoning skills are still developing. 45 though! I'm within that age range and am really embarassed for her. It's clear that your husband has allowed this behavior to escalate for decades unchecked, resulting in a kidult who will likely never grow up.
This is the perfect example
This is the perfect example of be careful what you wish for and Karma. Rather than appologize I suggest that you take this as an opportunity to rub her nose in the truth of her behavior and to keep the message that her juvenile guilt money out of daddy crap ends now and will not be tolerated. Nor will it be burried. Keep it front and center and expose her publically for her crap.
If she doen't like the consequences of her behaviors, she will change them.
I agree, its pathetic
I agree, its pathetic actually but at 45 is she capable of actually getting anything? Sometimes she sends a text or I hear her talking to him and its this constant guilt trip/gaslighting scenario. I have a feeling she does this with everyone because it works. Waaaa waaaa, I'm just a victim, somebody help!
No shock here, whatsoever.
No shock here, whatsoever. Even after all the years, your SD does not like you, which reminds me that I read a book on stepmothers that said that only 20% of the time will SDs like their stepmothers and have a good relationship with them. Those are not good odds. What a loser she is, but then, most of them are. Her dad probably won't set her straight, but he needs to. That's unbelievably instrusive and disrespectful. Wow.
It's a sad statistic, but
It's a sad statistic, but doesn't surprise me. I don't think she's even liked me but stupid me just kept trying to make it work. Over the last year this wave of acceptance came over me and I thought screw it. Who holds on to that much anger, disrespect and resentment for 30 years? Her, a total loser. Her mother, the ex, same thing. Loser. The last few trips we took there the SD invited her over. It was uncomfortable and my husband said could you please not do that. Did she listen? Nope. Every visit we take I'm sitting across from her trying to make pleasant conversation (awkward). She purposely does things that cause drama.
Over her. Moving on.