Keeping SD's dysfunctional infection from spreading to other family members
SD24 (who is the bone of contention) is "the" problematic skid who I have disengaged with. DH recently laid down the law about her behavior and accepts that she will silence him out. He is willing to disengage as her manipulative and disrespectful behavior has been the incessant cause of issues. DH and I know that BM is behind the wheel, but expect adult SD24 to make her own choices and follow through with respectful behavior towards us. We hold her accountable.
Here's the upcoming dilema. SD24 has texted my BD24 and wants to "get together for lunch" when she is visiting Colorado this weekend. I am sure SD24 will attempt to pull BD24 into the situation. BD is very intuitve and has no problem speaking the truth, but SD is covertly manipulative and has no problem lying. SD has never wanted to spend time with BD - they are two very different people. I find it interesting that she has taken a sudden interest in BD.
Also, DH and I will be with SS27 this weekend for a family wedding/reunion (SD has declined to come to the gathering to punish DH and avoid me). BM and SD24 have attempted to "emotionally rope in" SS, but so far SS shows no "taking sides" behavior. DH has never spoken to SS about the situation but I have a "feeling" that something will come up this weekend when DH's family begins asking, "where is SD?" They are a tight-knit bunch who have welcomed me into the fold and many of them witnessed very questionable behavior from BM when DH was married to her (aka. getting drunk and hitting on DH's younger brother's friends after DH went to bed.) Some family members are already aware of the situation with SD (they have refused to be sucked into SD's victim drama and stood up for DH). In fact, one of DH's sisters who knew BM the best warned me, "SD is just like her mom...watch out."
Should I give BD a heads up? Should DH and I discuss the issue with SS? There's that feeling of "discomfort" because the issue with SD has not been discussed with our other children. The feeling is like slowly taking the tape off Pandora's box. The other two have never created any problems with DH and I. We have already felt the "what's up with SD quizzical tension" from family members and some know.
How did you approach a situation like this? I am a believer in that the "truth" always rises no matter what and would rather state the facts up front. Thanks for suggestions that may help keep the infection from spreading.