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Just One More Thing with Twit and Drunkie - SIGH She Never Gets It

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

The cretin called last night again upset. Oh, the what is she going to do wail. DH asked her where Drunkie is right now. Apparently he is out on bail (MaMa) and at her house. DH asked her flat out why she even bothered to bail him out OR let him come back "home". He told her she was just enabling him. That once he had to face the music for himself, find a place to live, etc. he might, just might, straighten up.

Oh, she cried back, she just couldn't let him stay in jail and have to live on the street or in his car etc.

That's the problem, DH told her.

Me? I can see Twit ponying up for another expensive lawyer to keep babie out of jail. Sigh, the cycle never ends.

Oldfool's picture

This story is hotter than who shot JR in Dallas?

I wonder if Drunkie will go on an alcohol awareness course?

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi Oldfool - Well, I doubt it. IMHO, there is an underlying problem with him that no one wants to talk about. I think it has a lot to do with being raised by Twit with what she is.

I think that the whole frigging family needs counseling before Drunkie would even consider what he is doing.

But, then, I am no shrink.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Agree. The last time she kept telling us Drunkie was going to pay her back. Yet, he didn't work at all for over a year plus while she kept having the case postponed.

Needless to say, Drunkie never paid her back. BUT, once he got his license back from that one; she paid to get him a car, again claiming he was gonna pay her back. At that point DH told her she was flat out foolish but she feels she just HAS to help Drunkie "get back on his feet".

Same when he went comatose because of drinking too much and on and on.

One thing I can tell you for certain....she ain't getting a dime from us....period!

MadHatter's picture

You poor thing. I can't tell you how many times I've heard this story from friends, parents, spouses, and children of alcoholics. (Come to think of it, I know A LOT of drunks!) It's always the same thing, and they just can't get it through their heads that as long as they keep bailing them out, they're going to have to KEEP bailing them out. Everyone can make a mistake once, but when it's a recurring theme, it's time to stop the enabling.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi Madhatter - Totally agree. Had an uncle who was extremely intelligent, had a PhD. He got into drinking, lost job, wife, everything. The brothers and sisters would go, pick him up on skid row (in Chicago); bring him home, clean him up, feed, etc. They finally gave up because the result was always the same....he would just walk out and go back to drinking and skid row.

Mom said that once he was with us, she went grocery shopping and during the time she was gone he just picked up and left going back to skid row.

So, they would only go looking for him for holidays, when it was really cold, etc. but he never stayed long or stayed sober. Finally, my one aunt would just go looking for him around the holidays with food, generally left overs, and warm blankets, clothes, etc. and give them to him. There was nothing any one could do. He was lost. And eventually passed away.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Oh, to show you how bad Twit is as an enabler. The first time Drunkie got the DUI, Twit actually went out and bought him a big screen tv!!!!! Can you imagine! Claimed that Drunkie wanted one and she found a good price at one of the electronic stores.

Boy, that wouldn't have happened if that were me. Drunkie wants a big screen, then he better sober up, get a job, his act together and BUY his own tv.

That was another thing she claimed Drunkie was going to pay her back for, along with the lawyer, the fine, etc.; as well as the car she bought him since he totaled the one when he got drunk.

He never did needless to say.

Nothing changes when nothing changes.

moving_on_again's picture

I was researching a case that ended in murder where there were all these people in their late 20s just running around drinking and doing drugs. I just couldn't get past "how do they afford it?" Some of them were just thieves and selling drugs but a LOT of them had parents who were giving them money, paying for hotel rooms, giving them cars, it was crazy! That parenting led to a guy getting shot because they thought he was a snitch, and he wasn't. They were a bunch of lazy, worthless druggies/drunks who had nothing but time to create mischief thanks to enabling parents.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi moving on again - You really have to wonder what is going on with these young adults these days. Back where we lived (around Twit) Heroin was the big thing and them being revivied with that Narcon shot. One had to have 8 does to bring her back!

Remember a neighbor had a health emergency and DH and I took her and her hubby to the hospital. She was in pain and we waited and waited. When her husband finally got someone's attention he was told to be thankful that she wasn't in a life or death situation as the others were. Now this was a small hospital. Drug overdoses are the BIG thing at that ER. Our neighbor had a heart attack but seeing as she was still breathing she had to wait!

Merry's picture

My DH enabled his addicted adult son (who is now 3 years clean and we are very proud of him). He was kicked out of where he was living (drugs), had nowhere to go (he lives several states away from us and I made it clear that he was not going to come live with us, even though I basically like the guy when he's sober).

DH couldn't stand the thought of him living in his car or going to a shelter. So he paid for a hotel room. After two nights (with movies and free breakfast) at $100 each, and no movement on another place to live, DH's family and I convinced him to stop the money drain. Hardest thing DH ever did.

Miraculously, the very day the money stopped is when SS found a rehab clinic he was willing to try. What a coincidence. But I am sure had DH kept paying for the hotel and whatever else, SS would still be actively addicted and DH would be my exDH.

Rags's picture

I am thrilled that your DH has finally taken this stand with Twit and her brood. Congratulations on that big win.

I hope that both of you are enjoying your new home and life far from Twitland.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Howdy Rags - Yep we are. Twit free though the carp keeps coming but since we are no where near her (praise the Lord) it is easier for DH to stay disengaged.

We both worry about the young man but there comes a time. Sooner or later that whole crew back there is going to go up in flames so to speak when all those false delusions Twit has built around herself fall down.

notasm3's picture

With all the money Twit has spent on Drunkie she could have paid for him to go to a first rate residential rehab program.

I've seen some people go to multiple rehabs (even the really good ones) and still not make it. But Drunkie's never really been given a chance to sober up.

My DH's son is an alcoholic. DH and BM had both stopped any enabling long before I met DH. SS went thru every type of rehab from the bootcamp to outpatient. The sad part to me is that SS's GF (mother of the baby) is now drinking very heavily with him.

But no one can make another person get sober. But people like Twit by their enabling don't help at all.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

After the comatose episode, Drunkie was suppose to go to what Twit referred to as "rehab". What it was is that he meet in a group session once, maybe twice a week. Then DH and I heard that didn't last long as Drunkie would take off on the pretense he was going to "rehab" and never show up.

Um, THAT itself should have been another reason to kick the bum to the curb, but Twit always cries about what is being done to her, look what she deals with instead of taking the issue by the horns and setting it straight.

Of course we know that if the Drunkie, and the 400 lber ever get better she will have nothing to gains sympathy about. Right now she can get attention with the poor her, look what she deals with ad she is just so PERFECT.

My BFF, the profiler, told me there is something going on in that family that produces offspring like that. I mean none of these boys dated in high school. Twit actually had to get a customer's daughter to go with the one son to the prom...and that was the extent of that introduction. As she says, everyone an have a bad egg in the bunch, but when they all have issues, while then you have to look at the parents and the home environment.

DH has 2 other adult children and they are doing okay in life. Guess she is his bad egg.

sandye21's picture

"rehab". "What it was is that he meet in a group session once, maybe twice a week." Rehab? No, I don't think so.
It is so good to hear your DH is on board with you. Maybe the physical distance helped him to see that there is absolutely nothing he can do to change the situation. That's up to Twit and Drunkie.

I raised two older adopted children whose BM was a drug addict. There were challenges to raising them but when they reached adolescence it was extremely hard. One of them became a sociopath and the other got on booze and drugs. There was nothing she would not do to get what she wanted - steal, lie, etc. As long as she found someone to use, someone who would enable her, she continued on with a cycle: She would get heavy into drugs, then 'try' to commit suicide, then be saved by someone who became her enabler, then got on drugs again, dumped the enabler, and the cycle has gone on and on. As long as she can find an enabler she will continue. This had been going on for over 32 years. She has been in rehab numerous times. Both of her children have been taken from her. Thank goodness I got out of the loop years ago - I had to for my sanity.
In my opinion, the best thing that could have happened to her is if she had to hit rock bottom and there was no one to 'save' her again.

This is what I sincerely hope happens to Drunkie. Just wish there was some way for a judge to legally prevent Twit from havng any influence on him. That is his only hope.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Sandye - I so agree with you. One thing DH and I don't want to do is attend a grandson's funeral.

I have no doubt that Drunkie steals from them to get his booze and, IMHO probably drugs. He did drugs in high school and got kicked out for leaving the stuff in....get this....the front passenger seat of his car!! Either he was too stoned at the time to realize what he had done there, or it was a cry for help.

I be bad, but it is rather interesting sitting out here, hundreds of miles away, and watching the Cretin go into what is starting to look like self-destruct. The sad ting is that she is going to take some of her babies down with her.

Yes, she still cries about needing $$$ but that falls on deaf ears with us.

DH did ask where her husband was in all of this and she cried, again, about how he doesn't help her out etc. While, IMHO they both deserve each other, he tended to have a good sense of family and devotion to family. My guess is that Twit wants, err demands, to take care of everything and he, rather than fight with her, just backs out. If that is so, IMHO he is just as responsible for this mess.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

One more thing I found strange about this so-called rehab. Twit always seemed to know what Drunkie was talking about there and what the counselor had to say. Hmmm. That always made me wonder about the ethics involved there. You know, HIPPA.

Or, perhaps Twit was just making it all up. Keep in mind, she doesn't want anyone to know the dynamics of her family because they are PERFECT (in her mind). In my opinion, if Drunkie ever did want to get into real rehab she would fight it because the secrets would come out.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Got more info on the DUI. Seems someone called the police about a drunk driver (Drunkie). His last hurrah on that was when he was travelling south (weaving) and crossed over into the northbound lane and then ran off the road beaching his car. This time there was a witness who gave the details so there was absolutely no way MaMa Twit could get him out, lawyer or not. I guess that is what the former lawyer she had told them when they called. This time they had Drunkie dead to right. He flunked 3 field sobriety tests and the one they give you at the station where, again, he was twice the legal limit.

This is the 3rd car he has totaled!! The first one he ran off the road and no one was around so he got totally off. The second was the last time he beached the car with 2 bottles of vodka in it. And now the third time. This is all within 6 years! And that doesn't include when he blanks out or went into that comma pass out. Twit had better open her eyes that this is SERIOUS!

DH, after finding all this out actually cried, I mean really cried. He knows he isn't going to get involved, but it hurts and concerns him about the grandson Drunkie. He is furious with Twit about letting him get to point, that we offered to help her when she complained about having a hard time getting him to AA meetings, and her to Al-Anon, among other things. She could handle it, she would talk to him and talk to him and he would promise and nothing changed.

We both know there is nothing we can, or would, do because it would be enabling.
A very sad situation.

I understand he is still living at home with Twit BUT she has his name on the list for an apartment....BIG DEAL If it was me Drunkie would be OUT of the house. I mean what does he care, he is still getting carted around, food, shelter, clothes and whatever else he wants. Can you believe they actually give him money for cigarettes?

Sorry, but after comforting DH and thinking about this it makes my blood boil that the Cretin will never change.

sandye21's picture

Glad no one was hurt. I'll bet the judge will use the 'three times you're out' procedure - and he will be serving time. It is real sad for Drunkie but some innocent person could have been hurt. Just wondering if there is any legal way to get Drunkie out of Twit's influence.

Sad what DH (and you) is going through but you are right - there is absolutely nothing you can do.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Thanks Sandye, I just needed some response, to understand the gravity of the situation.

Imagine, he crossed into the on coming traffic lane and then went off the road! It sends shivers up my spine to think there could have been someone coming in that lane. That could have been tragic, but as it was after midnight not too many people on the highway.

The paper says the witness was driving behind him. He was probably the one that called the police, thank goodness. One really has to be driving, swerving, etc. for someone to actually call.

Sandye - SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG IN THAT HOUSE! I wonder if that something is what DH talked about when he said Twit had problems but wouldn't give specifics.

As I have posted, I have seen a lot of very strange behavior from her. Like yelling at me at auctions because I bid or bought something SHE wanted. Or making a scene there yelling and crying and running out because I bought something - that time it was hand blown Christmas ornaments - and DH giving them to her to calm (pacify) her down. Now, she didn't bid on them she just got mad (yes foamihg at the mouth IMHO) because I did and won them. It is like she saw an opportunity to get something free by acting out. I remember that incident cost me $40.00. Her hubby said nothing, just followed her out and stood by watching while DH talked to her. Now that I look back, his reaction was weird as well. Now in retrospect it makes me think of appeasing the monster. Unfortunately the monster was appeased at my expense.

I remember that once she got those ornaments she calmed down IMMEDIATELY and acted like nothing had ever happened, everything was fine. Very strange.

Sometimes I wonder if the rest of the family stays away from her because they are somewhat afraid of her. One never knows when she is going to fly off the handle about - well about anything.

I am so glad we are far away.

sandye21's picture

"Sometimes I wonder if the rest of the family stays away from her because they are somewhat afraid of her. One never knows when she is going to fly off the handle about - well about anything." And THAT is just what she has relied on her whole life. You know what they say, "If it works ----." It sounds like when she was a baby she would raise holy hell if she wasn't picked up or given the bottle when she wanted. It was a lot easier to let her have her way to just shut her up. And there you go.

It would be interesting to find out how long she's been acting like this. Was she whiny and demanding when she was born, or did her behavior develop later on? Did she have something traumatic happen when she was a young child?

Maybe she is treating Drunkie the same way she was treated. She pays for cigarettes and everything else because it's a lot easier to enable than to do the hard work that tough love and being a parent demands. To save Drunkie the pattern needs to be broken.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Sandye - DH has 2 other children that are normal. Twit is the middle child. I do know that when she hit her teens she couldn't get along with her mother so she moved in with DH.

Personally, I think this is something Twit developed as she got older because it worked. She KNOWS what she does because after she gets what she wants she always makes a comment about how she just LOVES free things. She seems to derive big pleasure out of this type of behavior so she knows.

Just think of some of the other things I have posted about how she fleeces people. A spoiled child would just consider it his/her due, but Twit derives pleasure out of it. actually brags about it. That IMHO is the difference.

Actually, I don't think Twit is that smart, but I do think she is cunning. There is a difference. I think she spends time figuring out how to take advantage of people and acting out is just one way.

Boy, someone really needs to net her, she would be a very good study for them.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

You have no idea how glad I am to have dodged this lunatic.

And, as Sandye says, one incident doesn't seem so bad, but when there are more and more things that are strange and add up then the full picture sets in.

That is why she has no friends. Oh, they are there for awhile until they hear her nonsense and see what she does and says. I really believe that she only mimics being normal and a lot of people see through it. Heck, even our old vet referred to her as "the crazy lady with the dogs". Obviously she makes quite an impression on him.

sammigirl's picture

Aren't you glad you moved away! So sad that he has no direction in life. My career was dealing with people with this magnitude of problems.

There is only one answer; he has to decide he needs rehab and then do it without Twit. Everyone says the addicted person has to decide to get well. This is true, but it is successful only when the people enabling him step out of the picture. It is a long and difficult road with support from people that do not enable him, but give him tough love and support. The first step is for Twit to step aside and let the process begin. I had a friend, years ago, that enabled her grown son, until he committed suicide; you do them no favors.

I am sorry your DH has to endure this type of mental stress. My YSS53 has put my DH thru years of stress and believe me it takes it's toll. YSS53 spent 14 years in prison and is now out; I can see the stress in my DH's face, because he has little faith that things are as rosy as we are being led to believe.

I wish your DH could not hear of any of these problems, because there is nothing you guys can do about it.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Sammy - Thank you for that. That is what DH says, that until Drunkie wants to be helped no one can help him. I agree with you. As long as Twit enables him, buys him cars, booze (claims she regulates how much he can drink and when...YEAH, we know how that is working) ciggy's, free room and board, etc. why should he change.

And she is not going to step aside. Even with this latest one Drunkie still lives at home, doesn't work, etc. Same old story as the last time. I am not going to say anything to DH, bur I think this is going to have a bad ending with Drunkie.

Part of the reason Twit doesn't want Drunkie to get help is that she doesn't want any one to know about what goes on in that house. Let's face it, if Drunkie did get to AA meetings, that stuff would come out in group talk. Twit doesn't want that at any cost. Remember, she is perfect and highly secretive.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

I just have to tell you what the 400+ lb. looks like. He not only is HUGE, but has long hair that goes past his shoulders and a long unkempt beard. Just looks grubby.

I have always believed that someone like that is hiding from the world, so to speak. Just like Drunkie is hiding from his problems with booze and probably drugs.

One has to wonder why the heck Twit didn't get help with the weight on the 400 lber was back when he was in high school. She just let him get bigger and bigger.

As I said, my profiler friend said that there is something wrong with that family all together.

sandye21's picture

SDM, The 400 pounder is in as much trouble as Drunkie. He's just using food instead of booze. Is Twit large too?

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Twit is not huge. She is what would be called stout I guess. Not thin, but not huge.

The reason I was bothered about the 400 lber is that I was just thinking the same ting that you mentioned. He is in just as much trouble as Drunkie. That is what the profiler indicated.

There too she allegedly sent him to counseling a few years back; but she always knew and would talk about what the counselor had to say. That also seems strange. Heck, if I was seeing someone I certainly wouldn't want him to tell others what I said...even my husband.

Eventually she claimed that the counselor wouldn't see the 400 lber any more because he wouldn't do the things the counselor suggested....whatever that means. My guess is when the young man aged out of insurance coverage Twit dropped the counseling, if there really was any.

She once let one of her brood suffer with a toothache over a holiday weekend because she didn't want to have to pay extra for the emergency visit! I remember her bragging about it (this was years back before we moved down there), asking where the young man was and being told he was up in his room with the toothache etc. By the way, this was Drunkie that she treated like that. Now, that I think about that I may have hit on something about dynamics in that family. Let's see...he was probably about 20 or 21 at the time, out of high school.

Anyway, hurting for 3-4 days with a toothache would be pretty tough.

Hadn't thought about that until now but it is giving me more insight into just how sick this cretin is, even to her "babies".

Kind of strange isn't it? She will go out and buy him a big screen tv after he wrecks a car and gets a DUI, but won't take him to the dentist when he has a toothache because she doesn't want to pay for emergency service over the long holiday weekend. That's pretty bizarre isn't it.