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Just got slapped in the face again! Is is time to go?

wicked step mother's picture

I just attended my step sons wedding this weekend. I have been there for him since he was 8 years old. I have done everything for this kid. If it wasn't for me he would have had no prom. Senior pictures you name it. His mom dropped him and his brother on our doorstep during her second divorce and I was told by my husband to accept it or find the driveway. I stayed because of my son and his kids they are close. So the wedding comes and here's mom re-surfacing to take the role of mother of the groom. These kids have told me and my husband they have zero respect for her and here she is in my face telling me where I will sit and what the step mothers role is in a wedding and NOT ONE of them sticks up for me!My husband says it's up to my step son to decide. He won't go against mom and her family and I agrre to take a back seat. Fast forward to the rehearsal dinner. The Bride and groom pass out gifts to everyone including me. The groomsmen bridesmaids mothers and fathers of both get gifts woth about 100.oo to 150.00 dollars each all engraved with the wedding date and"we love you mom" , "we love you dad" and thanks for everything and I get handed a 25.oo gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond! So does anyone care to enlighten me as to how I got here. Keep in mind I financed a big portion of this wedding and jumped in and saved the flowers with 1,500.00 cash a day before the wedding. Opinions please? My husband says he feels bad about it but he doesn't want to confront his son.

wicked step mother's picture

funny you should say the part about being gracious and classy. When the other step mom, whom the bride hates and doesn't speak to got her 25.00 card she suddenly got ill and had to leave the party. I should have done the same. I waited til the next day showed my husband my "gift" and he literally looked sickened and apologized profusely. he promised that when they get back from the honeymoon he will address it but I know he's hoping I am over it by then. Nope not gonna happen this time!Sorry about your wedding experience how bad was it?

sparky's picture

At least you got a gift card. I paid for the flowers and they forgot to order me one. And if you believe that I've got some ocean front property in Arizona I am looking to get rid of.

angel2's picture

same thing happened to me at my sd's wedding. Everyone, including the bride's mother's boyfriend had flowers. I had been married to my dh for two years and got nothing........I helped pay for the flowers. I also was gracious to give the bride and groom extra cash for their honeymoon. DH gave it to them saying "I want you to have a good time" leaving me completely out of the giving process even though it was my idea and half my money. Put his arms around the bride and groom leaving me completely out of the embrace. Should have opened my eyes then......

SoTired1's picture

SoTired1
I totally agree with you! I love your strong & positive perspective of it all! Good for you!

Tiredofit's picture

My entire family was asked to move! BM (these initials are so appropriate) of course blamed me for my family sitting in her familys pew, when it was actually her BS who escorted them to that row....oh the drama!! Wink

wicked step mother's picture

Goforit, Thanks you are right. How these people treated me says more about them than it does me! So here come the Hoildays would it be childish to re-gift the card back SD-in -law or should I get a new 25.00 gift card for Christmas?

SoTired1's picture

SoTired1
LMBO!!!! You're too funny! You've been the big-hearted, selfless person all along. Don't change who you are by lowering yourself to their level of low-standards. Though it's a clever idea, it would be so. . . obvious of an "In-your-face" type move. It's hard to continue being the 'bigger-person' when loved-ones or those we care about (we've raised) hurt us. Try hard to let it go because Karma will take precedence in all behaviors.

wicked step mother's picture

I believe very strongly in Karma andit's nice to hear from others experiencing the same thing, I am worried because I am getting very depressed over this. I am fighting with my husband right now over how he has treated my this weekend and all kidding aside I am afraid this is the end of this "family"

LONGTIME SM's picture

Less obvious would be to spend the $25 on her for her gift. Using it in this manner does not lower yourself to her level at all - it just shows savy shopping skills.

sadstepmom26's picture

Please re-gift. I agree its smart and clever and in your face. To me it wouldnt make you the smaller person, but it would at least give me some satisfaction that they realize they were wrong.
Life is what you make it.

Tiredofit's picture

It does get a little old! I got 2 kitchen towels last year, while DH received a nice 75.00 jacket..I could do nothing but laugh inside because I have never, repeat NEVER slighted them on gifts and to me it just shows how tactless and shallow they are. My BS, their half brother that is 16 years their junior, has never received a d@mn thing from any of them. They treat him like any other little kid on the block. That is all fine and dandy because this year, they get nothing. I don't even think I'm going to spend money for postage to send them a Christmas card. Times are tough you know!! Wink BTW, I LOVE the regifting idea!!

angel2's picture

What I don't understand it how does DH put up with it? Are they that dumb? I guess that's another topic.

wicked step mother's picture

I think we are alot alike. Last year for mothers day I got a bird feeder a combined gift from both highly paid SS'S. I went to the store the next day and saw it on an end cap at Lowe's on sale for 3.99. This year my youngest SS,called me on mothers day and didn't even leave a message on the machine. I couldn't answer cuz I was in the bathroom. I get a list each year from them both of what to buy them where to get it and how much it costs. Never under a hundred dollars and last X-mas I got a list for then future SD as well. I'd never heard fo a Dooney and Burke purse until then

wicked step mother's picture

Oh it gets better! If I want the list this year I have to go his FB page and click on a link and post when I have bought the present so everyone knows he has recieved it already kind of a gift registry. I get reminded via e-mail if I haven't made my selection by Dec. 15th!!!

Stepmom2Ched's picture

OH GOOD LORD, seriously? He's Not needy, but greedy!! I would suggest taking him off your FB friends---friends like that you don't NEED enemies!

OR, you could just click on EVERY one of his wants and then say, "Oh, I guessed I goofed, sorry."

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~

wicked step mother's picture

okay so help me out girls. You are all still married to the fathers of these ingrates? How do you go about overcoming this stuff? Do your husbands make it better because mine is being an ass. Is it possible to have a marriage but disconnect from the SK's? I am honestly heart sick over this last thing and I am getting tired of crying in the bathroom!

sadstepmom26's picture

I need the same advice. Im just starting in all this. My sks are sd10 and sd13, but I can already picture these nightmares in the future and my husband would be the one to say "stop being childish and get over it." My concern now is how to deal with this? Do I run now while I dont have any kids of my own and try to start over or try to stick it out and just prepare myself for future despair.

Life is what you make it.

wicked step mother's picture

Why do you think you deserve to have to "prepare for future despair"? If you are young and hope to have a good life RUN!!! I have been at this for 17 years. I am now getting ready to stand my ground which I am almost positive will end in a divorce at the age of 50. I have created this and I take responsibility for teaching people how to treat me.I can't create a positive situation for everyone but me one more second. Don't think that they will eventually love you like I thought they would. Look at your situation and inderstand that if you don't do something about it right now, it will be this way forever.

sadstepmom26's picture

You are so right. I've let my husband bully me and say whatever he wants for 5 years. I was the one drving 60 miles alone to pick up these kids for 5 years while he "worked" late on fridays. I never stood up for myself. Now that they are in my house its just ten times worse. There's a hot meal in my house practically 6 days a week, all while I work full time and am a full time grad student. I even cook a couple meals in one day to make sure there's decent food for them to eat, and its not even appreciated. Im blamed when they decide to eat a sandwich and some random vegetable instead of the meals thats prepared. This is only a small bit. But you are so right. I'm to blame for not teaching my husband and his children how to treat me. And I think looking at ithas made me realize that it is going to be this way forever. which has led me to my current state of depression and trying to figure out how to leave. Sad

Life is what you make it.

wicked step mother's picture

I think that we all have a personality trait in common and that is to do the right thing for everyone but ourselves. Would you be more depressed if you were facing a divorce at 50? It is not your fault that you got into this mess. I thought I fell in love with my husband at first sight. I only realized through counseling that it was my instant recognition of his dysfunctional personality that I attached to. When we were dating I saw many red flags and blamed in on this poor guy and his kids who were "victims" of the ex wife who left my husband in pieces. NOPE! It was just who they are and they make no apologies for being who they are and their lives have worked out just fine on my back and my money. The true way to tell is to stand up for yourself and say no more I demand respect and I demand it now. If they fall instantly into the victime role then you have your answer, that's what I always get. My husband says he has to give them the benefit of the doubt because they are his kids! Blood is thicker than marriage, realize that and go through being depressed now with the hopes of a brighter futre because you won't have one where you are now it appears. Good Luck!

buttercup123's picture

You deserve so much better. Why be with people that treat you badly? I'd rather be alone with my dog than be a slave to a couple of ungrateful people that don't act like they care about you.

buttercup123's picture

I think you have just answered your own question. "Or try to stick it out and just prepare myself for future despair." Is that the life you want for yourself? Life IS what you make it. You can make a great life for yourself....go and get it.

sadstepmom26's picture

Crying in the bathroom. I'm loving this site more and more every day!! I really thought i was the only one who did that. I dont want to hear the "why are you crying whats wrong with you" like Im the retard line. So I hide out and just bawl.
Life is what you make it.

Amazed's picture

I do that too...I'll sit in my closet with the door shut and just cry and cry...it's therapy for me.

~“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone"~ Audrey Hepburn

mommaappel's picture

wow again! lol...I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE this site...just sorry it took me so long to find it! Yep, sit in the bathroom and cry...very therapeutic and time alone always helps clear the mind. I just keep reminding myself that although things between me and the HTB are great now, things go bad all the time and I need to be prepared. Also...remebering the Karma has a way of coming back and biting hard always helps bring a smile to my face.

buttercup123's picture

Okay, the children are obvious ingrates BUT your husbands let them act this way. Why don't you call them on THAT?????? This is their problem, not yours. I'd book myself a trip to Costa Rica this X-Mas and let your husband deal with the crap he created. You deserve better.

Stepmom2Ched's picture

Windee, if he makes 3x more than you do, he could HIRE someone to be his personal shopper, RIGHT?!

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~

wicked step mother's picture

OMG that last post sounds harsh. Just read it and hope it didn't offend anyone. I need to know how to get past feeling used all the time. Sorry if I am bringing anyone down with me.

wicked step mother's picture

Thank you so much for your insight and not making me feel like I am nuts. I will hopefully keep in touch with you. You are a wise woman goforit!!

eyes2blue68's picture

I hear you on gift giving. Last year I got YSD a digital camera and my DH's mother and stepdad nice gifts and DH never paid me back for them. He felt really bad about it too. He did get his other children $50 gift cards each to Wal-Mart. We got no presents from any of the children. It gets better. YSD's husband went off because he didn't want a digital camera as their family's Christmas gift so my DH got him an el cheapo DVD player and also put that under the tree. The day YSD's husband was over opening presents he made a comment someone had already given him a DVD player, etc. How rude! All he had to do was say "thank you" and return it to Wal-Mart and get something else.

My husband told me this year not to put any of my own personal money into his children's gifts. If he can't afford to get them gift certificates/gift cards, he will deal with the backlash. I really don't win either way. If he doesn't save up for the gift cards, he will give me less money to pay the household bills so his grown children don't think he's a "bad Dad." Sigh. We did agree I am not cooking separate meals this year for Thanksgiving and Christmas. If the children want to visit us outside of the BIG DAY I cook the BIG MEAL, they can chip in their hard earned money and we can order pizza.

My DH's kids have wish lists too. How crass to put something like that on Facebook. DH and I pick a gift we both want for the holidays and that's our gift to one another. Lately we're looking at high definition tvs. Those greedy mongers of his will just have to deal with us having nice things and them going without. Christmas isn't about gifts anyway. It's about celebrating the birth of Christ and enjoying the company of family and friends--key word being ENJOY. Isn't it terrible how these grown children PLAY their own parents and stepparents who've done so much for them already? Talk about ungrateful.

Me (41). DH (53). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us: SD (32), SS (29), SS (29), SD (26), SD (22) and SS (18). DH has been married twice before me.

Totalybogus's picture

Wicked, your first clue where you stood in this clan should have been when your husband unilaterally decided his children were moving into your home without discussing it with you and told you to either accept it or hit the road. If your husband doesn't even show you a morsel of respect, why should his children?

You handled the wedding with class. Even though you spent time and money on the planning, you didn't let your feelings ruin the special day for the bride and groom. What you do from here out though is a different story. I wouldn't allow one single cent of my money to go towards anything for your husband's ungrateful brats. If necessary, If you have a joint bank account I would split those up where each of you have your own account and you share a joint household account for the paying of the bills. Each of you puts your portion into the household account for the bills first and then whatever is leftover is what he gets to spend on his kids.

I would cut them out of my life moving forward. I wouldn't even ask about them. You'd be surprised how liberating that is.

I think you need to realize that you do have a voice in your marriage. Call his bluff. If he isn't bluffing then so be it. At least you won't be wasting your life with someone who obviously doesn't love you the way you should be loved.

Storm76's picture

I would use the $25 gift card to buy them a Xmas present & get them nothing else. You could also throw into conversation that you're wondering when the £1500 for the flowers is going to be paid back - if their not even a little grateful for what you'ev done for them then why should you ahve to pay towards their wedding?

now4teens's picture

UGH! You guys are making me very depressed with all of this, as I am seeing my future in your posts with my uber-spoiled SDs.

And although DH is getting better, I just see this pattern of "ME ME ME" continuing well into adulthood. (They are currently 19, 17 and 14). Especially with SD19. She is worst of all.

Totally materialistic and into her "labels." MUST have her Coach bags and Rainboots. And Burberry bags and scarves and coats. And let's not forget, ONLY Tiffany jewelry.

And she hasn't worked to earn ANY of this herself. We just put it on our Christmas and birthday lists. But not at "BMs" house, of course- only on "Dad's Lists".

And she is already "expecting" a $75K "Tiffany-color" wedding at the Four Seasons- all paid for by Daddy of course. Ummmm....NO! I don't think so. When DH and I got married, OUR wedding (honeymoom included) only cost less than $10K, so there isn't any WAY IN HELL we're shelling out all this cash for Princess, especially after we're paying $53K/yr+ for her lavish college "experience"! (And BM doesn't pay a DIME for this, either)

Dear God, does it EVER STOP???? It's 8:30 in the morning and I feel like I need a drink already. Sad

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

now4teens's picture

Everything you say is 100% correct. DH and I went to a no-nonsense "Parenting Coach" who basically said the same exact thing. Kids need five things from their parents when they are growing up:
*love
*a roof over their head
*clothing (and it doesn't have to be "designer")
*food in the cabinet (and it doesn't have to be "fancy")
*rules to follow and consequences for breaking the rules

DH (who was deep in "Guilt Parenting" mode at the time)had a very difficult time understanding this concept. He couldn't understand how he could possibly take his princess' cell phone away from her for 24hrs. That was torture! It was a death sentence and terribly unfair to his "baby"!

He couldn't understand what a disservice he was doing to all three of them by constantly handing them absolutely EVERYTHING without working for NOTHING. Money for nothing. No chores at ages 11, 14, and 16- not even simple ones. But they always had loads of spending money on hand.

And no consequences for "ugly" behavior. Talking back to DH, cursing, fighting, throwing things at each other, lying, etc.
They could basically do whatever they wanted, but DH didn't want to do anything about it or they would use they threat of "wanting to go live with BM". He was parenting out of fear as well. The word "NO" was taboo in our home.

And boy, oh boy, did the girls learn to take advantage of that!

Now mix a "Guilt Daddy" who parents out of fear, a BM who runs a constant campaign of PAS against DH and me, and add three teenage drama queens, and you get one nasty pot of "blended family crap" that I had to basically sit back and watch boil over.

Calgon, take me away!

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

LizzieA's picture

All this is just sickening. And so sad. wicked, can you get your DH to go to counseling to talk this through? Surely he can see the great disconnect between what you provided and what you received. I agree with the others, it's over as far as you sacrificing for those "kids."
They will continue to do this as long as it is allowed. They are plain and simple and with malice, using you. In effect you are in the position of trying to buy their love. And they gleefully withhold it.

The question is, will your DH back you up? If not, then you will need to disengage for your own sanity and also protect your own resources and interests. He needs to grow a set and stick up for his wife.

Stepaside, your OSD reminds me of DH's oldest sister. She was always very pretty but a complete narcissist and abuser. After cheating on her 2nd husband, father of her boys, she has not been able to find another long-term BF or husband. They always break up with her for someone else, someone nice I guess. So at 50 plus, this woman is seriously twisted and took ownership of my DH (before we were married) and then tried to make our lives hell. I hope OSD "gets it" but it's hard to instill empathy once they are a narcissist. Maybe an act of God?
My SD is similar, I think bi-polar, she always has volatile relationships and gets dumped even though she's pretty and fun. She's grown up a lot since having her baby and now has a nice BF. I hope she continues to grow up and really lives up to her potential. DH putting his food down with tough love really escalated that process, I'm glad to say.He was in the loser-Daddy, gimme me gimme trap when I met him. Not any more!!!

wicked step mother's picture

1,500 was half! The total bill was 3,000! BM "loaned " them the other half they have to pay her back.So guess what since SS said he would pay me back ASAP when I handed him the money I am going to hold him to it now. I wasn't going to but I think it's time to stop this crap! Oh by the way 3,000 dollars in flowers and NOT one grandmother had a corsage! That burns me more than anything they were so disrespectful to the women that have been there for them their whole lives and tretaed the woman who dumped them like gold!. Go figure. Makes no sense to me. uNless they wnated to show off to her how good they've done. Who knows. Funny you should mention a reciept I never saw the bill, I simply withdrew 1,500 from my savings and handed it to SS in cash. DH now says he wonders if that was what they really cost. Who knows we may have been taken yet again.

KittyKat's picture

I've been waiting all day to respond to this one!!

Unfortunately, NO MORE blogging (for over a year, actually) at my workplace. So, I followed this and SEETHED, Wicked...

Wow, do I feel your pain.

I have THREE adult BRAT infantile SDs (geez, now 30, 29, 26). And I thought things were getting better. Actually, they were. Almost two years ago (after dancing around them and trying to be their "friend" for four years, only to realize that they had no intention of ever making me feel includec), I lay the smack down and told them that the next time they treat me like a STRANGER in my own home, disrespect me in any way, etc. I AM DIVORCING DADDY. (And, "daddy", or DH, like your guy, is a total wimp. He does the same thing with them..."Give her a couple days, she'll get over it..." and it's like my feelings are totally invalidated.

Well, it must be adult BRAT full moon time, because the seond one (now 29) put me in the same spot as you are, Wicked, I think this is IT and I'm getting out....

I work my butt off, so does my H. We (I probably more than "daddy") have been above and beyond generous with them. Well, the 29 year old "little girl" has no responsiblity. Luckily, she does NOT live with us, but it's always something with her. She's deep in debt. YET, she has money to get elaborate tattoos every time the sun comes up...

Two weekends ago, H and I decided to go away for three days. Not three weeks, not three months, three days. Well, I guess that "daddy" was not available, it was time to act up. She gotr her SECOND DUI in 2 years, totalled her car (DH's response rather than "That's it. She has to grow up and start acting like an adult!!) was for me to be GRATEFUL that she didn't call us and spoil our ONE AND ONLY LONG WEEKEND all year.

WTF? This girl can't keep a man, they all run like HELL (even the losers!!) She's in big trouble with the law, no doubt, I want her the hell out of my life until she grows up. But, I'm the bad one. And, I'm sick of this.

My own 17 year old took care of the pets, the house, etc. that weekend. Not an issue. This one has to put daddy in tears.

As long as I/we stay, we're saying this is OK. Maybe it IS time to leave.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

wicked step mother's picture

I think you hit on something there.This chick is the product of being babied and spoiled by DH to make up for his guilt? Now look at what they have created. My BS is a wonderful graciuos and kind man. I raised him as a single mom for 9 years before I met DH. His kids have been told since day one how smart and great they are. They have been catered to and they were monsters when I met DH. If he hadn't been such a nice guy in the breginning I would have run. These adults kids are a wreck because they think that the it's all about me lasts a lifetime and everyone should bow to them. I seriusly feel sorry for them sometimes, they are so socially inept. If the DH's read this sight and don't grasp what their kids will become if they don't stop then let them deal with what they created.

LONGTIME SM's picture

Wicked - Did you bail out the flowers with your personal $1500 or was this money from a joint account? Did any of the money for this wedding come from your seperate funds? If these were your personal funds, I would present the $1,500 bill to your husband to handle - I would tell him that I would not care how he wanted to handle it as long as reimbursement came back to you- even if it means he pays you! Your husband clearly stated that the wedding should be how his son wanted it so your husband can not expect you to personally fund any of it since SS deliberately snubbed you during this ceremony.

Also, just curious why didn't the brides family pay for most tf the wedding? If the bride could not afford to then why din't they scale back on the wedding to something that they could more reasonably manage?

As the SM to two adult skids we went through something similar when they got married. Nothing we did was good enough! Everything was criticized. I was deliberately snubbed at SS's wedding as were our minor BDs. Like you, I still did the best I could for SS and his new wife overlooking the obvous snub - even when MIL is loudly bringing it up during the service (LOL)and despite the fact that we were paying for this wedding and rehearsal party with no help from BM who had spent years trying to make our live's miserable! I am just glad that is behind us!

wicked step mother's picture

The brides family didn't pay a dime because they don't have any money. Literally not a penny. That did not stop SD from having the wedding of her dreams and it was lavish. My SS took out a loan for most of it we paid a total of close to 8,000.00 and it was kept hush hush how much BM and her family pitched in. The flower money came half from my savings and half LOANED to them by BM as she trashed me in the background while SS was on the phone.Total for flowers over 3,000.oo and yet no coursages for either grandmother. So whether it was to even be paid back was left up in the air before a European honeymoon. Originally I was going to tell them to forget about paying me back and add that amount to the wedding funds for the next two BUT I am rethinking that. We have never had seperate accounts either just seperate savings accounts. I think I'll get the money back and go out and buy a piano, always wanted to learn to play the piano!

LONGTIME SM's picture

You definitely deserve that piano! Go for it!

Taking out a loan for a wedding - unbelieveable! And not realizing that a European homeymoon may be a lttle overkill when you have taken out a loan for the wedding! !!!! OMG! How much was this wedding in total do you know? PLus how could they have not figured in the 3k cost of the flowers - they ordered them! This could only have been a suprise to you! I fault the bride and groom for not taking the money given to them and budgeting appropriately - even if this meant scaling the wedding down to what they could afford. Any bride/groom that would run the cost up this high with no concern for their budget shows great immaturity in my opinion - especially since the wedding was held through the generousity of others and they contributed nothing except taking out a loan!

Suggest you discuss ground rules with your husband now to come to some agreement on how much to help adult skids/children as these adult "kids" are not off to a good start financially and may be hitting you and/or husband up again soon!

wicked step mother's picture

I totally agree that it should have been scaled back to what they could afford, but SS was out to prove something to future in laws and to give her the dream wedding. Other two sons say the wedding won't outlast the loan. I tend to agree. I do not wish bad things for people but everyone sees this young man standing on the tracks with the train coming and no one says a word, and I can't because it will be taken as criticism or jealousy. I asked him to consider waiting one year when they announced at last X-mas that they were getting married and I was shot down and not very nicely. Hey who am I to be pointing out other peoples mistakes my house is obviously made of glass!I do think however that since their whole relationship has consisted of planning this wedding they are both in for a rude awakening when their real life starts next week. They are 6 years apart and she's very immature. If it falls apart I am sure I will be the cause or should have said something or blah blah blah! I wish I had as much power as they think I have when they need to place blame-LOL

wicked step mother's picture

I am sorry I forgot to answer the how much I am guessing around 35,000 to 40,000 dollars. 350 guests.310 from the non-paying side. Every chair wrapped in silk and bows. Two foot center pieces. Open bar. 4 photographers(no kidding) a professional Disc Jockey and light show, I guess we got off easy at 8,000. My husband sat there shaking his head. Upside everyone had fun and the Bride and Groom had a great time and most of all I don't have to dread it anymore!

onehappygirl's picture

OMG!!! I paid $50,000 for my first house!!! I can't imagine paying almost that much for a wedding. My wedding to my ex - my mom and dad footed the entire bill of $1,300 - reception included. I borrowed my friend's wedding dress, and we made the brides maid dresses.

My wedding to my DH was about $350 total. We fixed the food, got a cake from Sam's warehouse (delicious by the way), we bought our decorations from Garden Ridge, and I bought my dress off of e-bay. It was outside on my brother's deck in his very beautiful backyard, complete with a running creek and fall leaves.

It's amazing to me how spoiled some of these kids are today.
______________________________________

Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

wicked step mother's picture

My problem is the opposite my 2 ss's are successful professionals and "upstanding citizens". I am sure I had something to do with that. So I always get to hear that they are good kids so I don't have a right to complain. The air of superiorty that decends on my house when they come here is palpable. They sit and do Sudoku and discuss the latest highbrow crap and are so condescending to my son and nephews. I refer to them and my hubby as the triad of terror. The more I blog the more I realize how F_*Ked up this really is.

LizzieA's picture

They may be successful but they are also self-centered, greedy and rude. How 'superior' is that?

mariarose's picture

OMG this is horrible.

Hello I am new to this forum. I got married in 08 and before our 1st yr Skids were dropped of at our doorstep too! Husband said accept or walk away...I felt I had to accept. The Skids are 8 and 11 yrs. I really had a tough time adjusting and now that I am there I would hate for their mother to come back and try to play the role of "mother." I would most certaintly feel hurt and disrespected. Maybe you can adress that to your Sson and tell him how hurt you are. This scares me because I am young 25 no kids of my own, and if I spend all my years guiding Skids I would expect that they would put me first before their abusive mother. All I can say is I am so sorry you are going through this.

wicked step mother's picture

I hope it works out differntly for you . I would have bet the farm that after years of voicing to me and DH how bad their BM was that this would never have been an issue.When I think of everything in my life I sacrificied in the way of giving up my dreams for this "family" I get ill. After they came to live here I almost my horses to give them more time, if I had done that and then this happened I would be homicidal! My DH is just flabbergasted but I think it has been a good lesson for him to learn how fickle these boys are. I would say that we'll see next time he's in the middle BUT I have removed myself from the stituation altogether, since they are men now I don't feel obligated to be any nicer to them then they have been to me one more second!That now goes for all people in my life.

sadstepmom26's picture

Your stepkids will always love their abusive mom. They will always put her first.

Life is what you make it.

buttercup123's picture

Your husband doesn't want to confront his son and stick up for you? Unnacceptable! If he won't, then you should. Hold the skid accountable for his actions! You need to know where you stand.

wicked step mother's picture

Oh trust me, anew and improved me has emerged from this ordeal. I told DH that if I haven't heard from SS in two weeks regarding my money I am mailing him a letter with a payment book in it. Just like a loan and I'll be nice and NOT charge interest. Dh is already back paddling about confronting his kid and I understand that to a point. But as long as I have been asigned the role of eveil step monster I might as well start living up to it!

Angel72's picture

Usually when my husbnad does stupid things like this i basically tell him here is the bill for your kids that i coughed up , you owe me.
i would say something to stepson and then i woudl tell my hubby i want this money back or basically if you have a joint account take it out of them systematically. i'm sure your hsuband wont even notice constant withdrawls and before he figures it out ,you can take back all the money you put into this wedding. Not the greatest vindication but its something.
Stop doing anything for them from now on.

This is the main reason why i stepped back a few years ago and basically backed off. i dont want to place myself in such a position of feelign used and abused.
i'm so sorry this happened to you but i woudl chew my husband out and tell him to give me back the cash. i would tell off your stepson and basically tell himall you've done and give him back his measly 25$ gift.

lstewart's picture

Please, you have got to manage your expectations. They will NEVER be gracious to you. That is not your fault. It is theirs. They were so lucky to have you. The problem is that you have been treated like crap. Try, if you can, to emotionally walk away. My thoughts are with you. good luck.

LONGTIME SM's picture

Get your husband to pay you back out of the joint account or his personal funds ASAP. Then the repayment of the loan will be between your husband and his son where it belongs! You should not be placed in the middle of this by your husband!

If your husband choses to not pursue repayment of the debt at least it will then not affect your personal funds! Plus the issue of the loan may mean a little more to your husband if it actually comes out of his own funds!

Purpleflower09's picture

This is a question you have to ask yourself. It's obvious after all this time your husband has no interest in correcting the problem. I know if I were him, I would have a damn good sit down with my children and lay the law down. If he has no interest in even sticking up for you his WIFE...tell him you will use the gift card to start buying things for YOUR new apartment. There are things you can let slide...but years of it? give him an ultimatum...he either deals with this..or you go and find yourself a life with dignity and respect.

Purpleflower

dsfsdjfn's picture

What a terrible experience...I say take the 25$ to bed baths and beyond and get them a basket for a max of 25 $ (tax included) and leave the price tag on...is this what really happens when you get married to a man with kids? You know WSM I had tears in my eyes...I am thinking to myself, when we get there...is that what my ss will do? I have been in his life since he was 3 months old...will he treat me like crap on his big say too? but I have learned a valuable lesson from your story...I am right to try and involve myself the LEAST possible...if I dont expect anything from ss, then I cant be dissapointed...the worst is your husban...how dare he not stick up for you? I think thats the worse...had he said something, even if the skid was an ingrateful little goat, if your hubby had backed you up, would have made it better...

decodonna0909's picture

Sounds like your stepson and my stepdaughter are cut from the same cloth. My DH and I have been married for TEN years. He was married for 28 years to the ex. His oldest (36 years old - he has 4 daughters, whom he has labeled as "evil" - so I am stepmom to "the evil stepdaughters" - but I digress...) was married two months ago. When she announced the engagement we took her and the fiance out for dinner, gave them an engagement gift from Tiffany's, gave her a check for wedding expenses. When we arrived at the wedding, I was told by the matron of honor (bride's sister, another stepdaughter) that there was a "mix-up" by the florist, so no corsage for me - I replied, "that's ok, I am allergic to flowers anyway". Then, after the ceremony, before the reception, while the photos were being taken, my dh is "tricked" into posing in photos with the ex-wife (whom he despises - they have not spoken since the separation 12 years ago - two years before I met him). His sister, the biggest BIT** in the world, informs me that I may be the love of his life for the past 10 years, but the mother of his children was the love of his life for 28 years before that - so I'm thinking, "what's her point?" My two daughters, whom my husband adopted, did not attend the wedding as they have always been made to feel unwelcome. His sister (my SIL, I guess, but I refer to her as my husband's sister, as I really have no relationship with her, and don't want one) then informed me that his ex is still "depressed" over the break up of the marriage (more than 12 years ago) and we should all feel sorry for her. I tried to encourage everyone to tell her she needs to "get over it" as she has wasted 12 years licking her wounds (btw, my dh always said it was SHE who wanted the divorce and she did not want him until he married me - mainly because I am much younger than her, she now can't live without him) So then I have to hear from my MIL (who is 84 years old) that he had four children with her, not just one or two - again, I ask myself, "what is her point?" This is what I have to listen to constantly. Never thought I would still be unwelcome TEN years into the marriage. Have thought about walking away, but my dh would be devastated and after all, who cares what they think, he loves me and he actually stood up at the wedding and wished his daughter (who married a divorced man with children) and her husband the same second chance at happiness and love that he has with me - at that point, the ex wife walked out of the reception in tears and my husband's busy body sister and mother were staring daggers at my dh and me - go figure...