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Is it rude to give one a Christmas gift, but not the other?

marigold's picture

This is the second Christmas Eve that my dh has come back from a gathering at his daughter's house with gifts for him, but not for me.

This ordinarily wouldn't bother me because I'm not big on gifts anyway, but in this case it's a very pointed, passive-aggressive message from his daughter towards me because she doesn't like me, and I think it's rude, but dh doesn't think it is.

When my daughter gives a gift, she gives it to both of us, not just me. She always includes dh.

My dh is trying to tell me I'm "taking it wrong", but I don't think so. I think I'm reading his daughter's message loud and clear.

What do you think?

Sammy3355's picture

Do not listen to your DH he is making excuses for his daughter. His daughter is behaving rude, which is normal of Skids. What is worst your DH is allowing it. I personally would not worry about it, I would prefer if my skids did not give me gifts, that way I would not have to spend my time trying to find them gifts in return. Sometimes, when it comes to skids, their rudeness pays off.

Every year DH receives a christmas card from his ex wife, stating from 'to you, from me'. I find this funny, poor woman has not completely let go. My attitude to these things, let them go, let them just float away. Save your energy for bigger fights that will certainly come your way. Tell DH you think it is rude, but do not make a big deal out of it. After all, she has the right to buy a present for who she wants. At least you do not have to waste your time, buying presents for people who do not appreciate it.

still learning's picture

"My attitude to these things, let them go, let them just float away."

I love this, it's truly quotable.

hereiam's picture

You are reading the message correctly and it's very rude. And your DH should see how rude it is, not just to you but to him, as well.

I am not the biggest fan of my dad's wife but I get along with her and I include her in my gift giving out of respect for my dad. And because I am not a big asshole, my dad raised me better than that.

notarelative's picture

Yes, it's rude. However, since you were not at the gathering expected. It's much easier to be rude if you are not there.

Last In Line's picture

The skids don't get me anything. I'm ok with that, but then they are young. Honestly, I don't know that I will ever expect anything from them. I wouldn't be offended though, I'm just a step-parent. I'd rather them get their dad something than me. I'll settle for respect.

marigold's picture

Good, I'm glad I'm not misreading this. My dh tries to tell me there's no offense meant, but I was pretty sure there was.

His daughter has been hateful to me since an incident last year which she never apologized for, and which my dh didn't really call her on either. That's why I wasn't at the gathering--I don't need to go where I'm not wanted, and I have no desire to associate with her in any way.

Every year we've put both our names on gifts to his adult children and grandson. We've always tried to treat all of our children the same.

I learned about "disengaging" here last year, and that's what I've been doing this year. That's another reason I didn't attend the gathering tonight. Tired of putting on a happy face to go mingle with his back-stabbing daughter.

I told dh that next year he shouldn't even put my name on the money gifts he gives to his adult children. Next year I'll also let HIM worry about getting the cards for them, etc.

sandye21's picture

"I told dh that next year he shouldn't even put my name on the money gifts he gives to his adult children. Next year I'll also let HIM worry about getting the cards for them, etc.." Good for you. And make sure it is coming out of his wallet, not yours. But think of it - do you really WANT a gift from someone who doesn't like you? She's doing you a favor, believe me! My SD didn't like me either, and I got crap for presents. Tell your DH you are glad SD and you are not exchanging gifts out of obligation.

When your DH tells you there is no offense meant, it's B.S. He needs to show more support for you as his wife. Someone (possibly even DH) is getting a big charge out of making you feel unworthy of acceptance. Don't play their game. Let him go over and collect his present. While he's there, take the money you would have spent on them and do something extra special for yourself. When he gets home make a big deal out of what you did, and tell him it was from his kids. Then treat his visit with his kids and their present to him as if it is nothing.

marigold's picture

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marigold's picture

Just to make it clear to everyone--I don't want a gift from dh's daughter. I was just trying to see if anyone else agreed that it was rude, which dh doesn't think it is, and it looks like several others think it's rude too, which validated my thinking.

It really wasn't anything more than that.

sandye21's picture

SD was rude in the past. Your relationship with SD is way past 'rude'. Your SD has declared war on you. She didn't get you anything because she doesn't like you. You don't like her either so why not give yourself a Christmas present and let her go.

marigold's picture

Yes, she's declared war on me. Dh can't see it, but it doesn't matter. At least I know what I'm seeing now.

twoviewpoints's picture

You honestly expect the charade of social manners and happy family after the showdown you and SD had last Christmas season? Seriously?

No. Your SD was not rude to you this year. She chose to disengage and ignore you. Why you thought your SD should purchase a gift for you or especially a joint gift for DH and you together to share is beyond me. If you're still running around buying cards (perhaps even contributing cash to a gift to her) and/or allowing DH to sign the card with both your names is not SD's fault. SD did not ask anything of you. If you were asked by DH to participate in SD's gift, or selecting/purchasing cards that's on your husband.

Enjoy today with your husband and don't fight with him over his daughter. You announced here last year that husband would be on his own about birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas from then on. If you didn't stick to that and sent gifts with part of your personal finances or even just your name on the card having expectations of return fake gestures, that's on you.

I'm sorry you're emotionally having a rough go of the holiday season, but don't make it worse than past circumstances has brought it to the point it already has. Let SD go. Neither one of you like each nor want anything to do with each other. Leave it at that. The true accomplishment of disengaging is completely detaching, not just physically but emotionally... you're not there yet. Don't let spoil Christmas Day with your husband. Kick her out of your head. To allow her to stay up there gives her a 'win'. Let her go. Set yourself free. SD ? SD who?

Merry Christmas to you and your husband. That's what matters and your life, relationship and home together. SD who?

marigold's picture

Oh, YES, she was rude, very rude. I'm actually enjoying this season because I didn't pretend anything this year. I said I wasn't going, and I didn't.

I didn't expect anything from her, didn't want anything from her, and will consider her not even a part of my life (as much as possible) from now on.

"SD who" is exactly right.

hereiam's picture

^^^This. If the two of you actively dislike each other and know it (and apparently have some bad blood between you), I wouldn't give it another thought.

1StepForward2's picture

You didn't say but I am assuming the gifts DH gave her had your name on them not just his. In that case, yes it is very rude. She could have gotten a food basket or something that you can both enjoy and put your name on it also for at least one of the gifts.

I used to go all out for all the SS's at Christmas. I have no bios. After not getting a thank you and sometimes not even a card or gift even to DH, I stepped back. When DH was a little put off, I told him he could do whatever he wished for them but do not include me. He didn't continue the gift giving so they get nothing. He get's texts and a phone call from the oldest on holidays and his birthday and he does the same for them and that's it. Works for me.

marigold's picture

Yes, this is how it was--both names on gifts to his family, as we've always done.

Once again, for those who are missing it,the only thing I wondered is if I was reading her signals right, which evidently I was, according to the amount of replies that said so.

I don't want gifts from her, I don't expect gifts from her. I was just curious about whether others thought her manners were lacking, and they are.

Dh constantly tries to convince me that his daughter doesn't feel toward me the way she obviously does, and I'm not blind. I just wanted a little reassurance that I was correct, and I got that assurance from several of you, so thank you.

When you hear something from your dh long enough and often enough, it sometimes causes you to wonder about what you're experiencing.

Stormyweather's picture

I'm really curious Marigold.. What happened between you and SD last year that created such bad blood between you two and what did DH do ( or not do) about it?

notasm3's picture

My DH is at SS30's home right now with the GF and the new baby. But I'll give DH credit - he did not even think about leaving until my last guest for Christmas dinner was gone.

I was not invited. But so what - I did not invite SS or GF to my home either. I sent DH with gifts that I bought with MY money (I spent about $25 so no big deal).

I have not said ONE WORD to my DH about SS or GF - but my poor DH has felt the need to make excuses for them. When I saw a present they'd gotten him he started making excuses for them. He said they decided to cancel Christmas after the baby was born and took back all the presents they'd bought for others.

When I mentioned something about her baby showers (multiple) fortunately taking place before she had the baby early DH just volunteered that she had wanted to invite me but I was not in town. Believe me I did not say one word about why was I not invited. I truly do not care and would not have gone - but I would have sent a present.

On some level I'm actually happy that they are excluding me. Makes it SO easy for me to not participate in their life.

The only thing I ever did to SS was to stop funding vacation trips and date nights for him. No telling what SS has said about me to his GF - but I so do not care.

I spent today surrounded by many friends and relatives that really like me. Who cares what some drunk and his baby momma think of me?

enuf's picture

Yes, I also agree it is rude and that your dh is making excuses for her behaviour which is also very rude as he is justifying her behavior. I like stirring the pot once in a while and what would be fun would be to send her a quick text or email thanking her for the beautiful 14k necklace or some type of expensive perfume she sent you. Then see what happens. Be sure that you have one in case dh wonders what his dd is talking about when she questions him.

sandye21's picture

^^^LOVE this one!!!^^^ It would be interesting to see DH try to gas-light you then. LOL LOL Think of it when they try to figure out who gave it to you. You could tell DH you thought it was SD but the card said, "From a dear friend." You wouldn't be lying either because it would be a gift from yourself to you - the one who SHOULD be your best friend. You sound like a very sensitive person who values the truth and full disclosure to your DH, but this time let them both ponder it.

happystepmum's picture

She was rude. Bloody rude. My MIL did the same thing when her and FIL returned from a cruise earlier this year - sent DH home with presents for him and SD but nothing for me.

I told DH that he should not have accepted his gift, and your DH shouldn't have accepted his either. The inlaws were sending me a big FU through DH, and he allowed it by accepting the gift. Just as your husband has allowed the FU from your SD.

marigold's picture

Yes! This is EXACTLY the way I see what happened to me.

I'm actually surprised that a number of people thought *I* was at fault, or over-reacting, but I guess everyone sees situations differently.

A big "FU" was exactly what dh's daughter sent, and all this does is reinforce what I already knew about her: she's mean, nasty, and shows no class.

twoviewpoints's picture

No you're not at fault for the overall situation, however you still carry expectations... that's where your troubles now lay with you.

Your SD is a turd. No one is disputing she crossed boundaries when she shoved furniture and mega sized televisions on you and your home. But after the message exchange your SD wrote you off. She stopped coming and stopped inviting you. That's when you should of did a happy dance. Woo-'hood, free of her at last. No more pretending. No more tolerating.... but you can't seem to do that. You still have these social expectations of her. You should of had nothing to do with selecting/purchasing cards and allowing your name on anything to do with her. But you did. And you made a stink because she didn't follow suit and keep up the same pretend fake social standard.

She didn't invite you last Christmas to her get together. She sent you home nothing. She didn't invite you this Year's gathering and once again sent you nothing. She doesn't like you and is finished with you. She's made that abundantly clear. So actually this year you're the one playing passive aggressive with your husband by getting a card with gift inside and having your name put on it. Talk about setting yourself up to play victim to SD. Leave the woman the heck alone.

She's not bothering you. She's not shoving social expectations upon you and whining if you don't meet the expectation. This is where it does become your fault because you won't accept it for what it is. You're still engaged and you unload your expectations of her on your DH. Just stop.

The TV and nasty messages was the end. She's out of your home and should be out from under any social pretense. Don't ask about her. Don't listen and change the subject if DH brings her up. If you get weak under a sense of social niceties next birthday, anniversary or Christmas come here and post. We'll remind you how to disengage and embrace the whole 'you don't have to' thing.

marigold's picture

I guess I need to give more details on the whole situation with dh's daughter.

Last year after the big tv drama, she didn't explicitly say I was invited to her house. I wasn't in any mood to go anyway, so no big deal. My husband and I gave her a card and money gift, as we always do.

This year, yes, I was invited to her house, but I told my husband I wasn't going. Once again, we gave her a card and money gift from both of us, as we always do. She gave my husband a large gift card to his favorite auto parts store.

Over the course of the past year, even though I haven't wanted to socialize with his daughter, she lives only a mile away, and calls or drops by quite often. She's been in our house this year, and though I wasn't thrilled about it, I was cordial.

My husband is very absent-minded, so I'm always the one who keeps track of occasions, buys the cards, addresses the cards, gets the cash out to put into them, etc. He just signs our names to them.

Actually, the only "expectation" I had about his daughter this Christmas was exactly what happened. I figured there would be gifts for dh and nothing for me. Like I said, I'm not big on gifts, and wouldn't want one from her anyway, but I did want to test and see if I was going to end up being correct about the whole thing, and I was.

Because he is absent-minded and forgets stuff, my husband lets his children off the hook by assuming they are just like him in that way, but they aren't. Like I said, in the beginning, there were cards and gifts on all special occasions and holidays for me too, but over the years they've dwindled down to nothing.

I'd been reading about disengaging here, and thought that's probably what I'd do about my husband's daughter, but was using whatever would happen this Christmas as a gauge to whether that was the proper course to take, and it sure looks like it is.

So, no, I wasn't being passive aggressive by getting the cards/gifts ready this year. I was just doing what I always do, helping my husband.

I was basically done with her after all the rudeness of last year, but have been trying to be civil for my husband's sake, but it hasn't gotten me anywhere because he still can't see where his daughter crossed any lines last year, and of course he can't see anything wrong with what she did this year because he knows I don't care for gifts anyway, so it should be "no big deal". He doesn't get the point of what I'm trying to tell him, so I'll just keep my mouth shut now.

The Christmas Eve thing was the last straw. I know where I stand, and no, I'm not going to let her victimize me.

I've already told my husband that from now on, I'm no longer going to remind him of family occasions; I'm not going to buy the cards and take care of everything, etc. He's a big boy. If he wants to do something for them, he can take care of it. I'm bowing out.

All I can say to anybody who happens to be reading this thread--if you're dating a man that has children, even if they're adult children--run for the hills! You don't know the meaning of hassle and heartache until you've gotten tangled up in a step-family situation. It's that bad.

marigold's picture

When we were first married, my birthday/anniversary/Mother's Day and Christmas were remembered with gifts and cards by dh's daughter.

I don't know what went wrong really, but over the years this all dwindled to the point where there is NO mention at all of any special occasion by her.

I don't care either, but it is puzzling when you don't know what caused it.

Oh, well, who cares? Dh can have all the relationship with her that he wants. I'm not going to fight about it. I just won't participate in anything where she's involved.

RodgerDodger's picture

Issues can come up like this at a drop of a pin with stepkids. I got along with my stepkids when they were younger. Having a more difficult time when they are adults. You'd think it would be the opposite. Guess what? Bio-mom was married and then got her second divorce a year or so after both kids left the home. IT was then they started acting bothered having to be around me. Don't think that was an accident. Think that BM getting a divorce got them thinking about mom being alone and how nice it would be for dad and mom to get back together with only me being in the way even though DH and I have a solid marriage and had been married for years and dad has little but venom for BM.

Anyway This could happen to any one. You can be in good with them one day and out the next. It all depends on what setups are going thru their minds. Could be too that they were putting on a half fake all those years. And thought why bother now. Kids who can't fake it well as adults are going to lose dad however. Can't go around being mean to dad's wife as an adult without it costing you. Don't matter if anyone thinks it is okay to not give gifts or whaterver. If SM is unhappy, SKs will be unhappy. Dad doesn't want that crap from his adult kids and he lives with his wife.

ldvilen's picture

Yes, I think that is the battle cry of all of the millennials or MEllennials. It is better to give (to them) than for others to receive (from them). Got back from a family Christmas party, and none of my nieces or nephews, all between the ages of 22 to 30 and some of them married with children, gave one gift to me, despite the fact that I have been giving Christmas gifts to them from the day they were born. Not saying PLOM, but very interesting.

Have a small get together with DH and his children and their spouses this Sunday. Despite all gifts coming from and being given to them for 15 years, from both DH and I (and, believe me, I do all the gift wrapping), I personally only received a gift from them twice. Once a small ornament from his daughter when she was about five. I value this highly, and another time SS's girlfriend got a gift for me for Christmas, from the both of them. SS made some off-comment to his girlfriend at the time about it, and I've gotten zero since. Again, interesting.

It doesn't really matter what the situation is, involving SKs or not, if you continually do something for someone and they don't reciprocate, what do you do? That is the real question. Both of the above instances bother me--adults should know how to reciprocate.

marigold's picture

You're exactly right. It's not that I was looking for a gift. I was just wondering if good manners would come into play from my husband's daughter's end, which of course they didn't.

I just wish he wasn't so blind and clueless about the "big FU's" she sends, as somebody mentioned earlier, but I suppose when it's your kid, you usually can't see their faults.

As far as he is concerned, his daughter is a princess who can do no wrong in Daddy's eyes.

Oh, well...

enuf's picture

It is so sad that our dh's find it necessary to continue to promote the image that their ds or dd are nothing but princes and princesses since they came from his seed. To do otherwise is to diminish our dh own self image of King. My dh's ds is an uneducated, 10th grade, obese, unemployed, acne infused, open sores all over his body, male that has anger management issues. However, to my dh, his is a muscled male that has "low emotional reserves, that is a good catch for any female" and that I should take his ds's rejection and shunning as something that is wrong with me and not with his ds. Moreover, I should treat his ds like he is a prince to hold in high esteem since ss is the golden seed that dh help to create.

Unfortunately, I, being the good wife, have promoted my dh's image of the alpha male and of course he believes that since he is an alpha male, his own child could not be anything else but an alpha male.

Sadly, now that I have detached completely from dh, as I will be leaving on Jan. 6th, he finally gets it, and now he looks like a shell of a man, who has shriveled into himself and as a result is finally putting boundaries on his ds who is 47 years old and is not used to boundaries. It was sad to hear dh tell his ds that it is not necessary for him to check in every morning while dh was on vacation. That dh wanted a vacation from everything back home. Who has to say that to a 47 year old child at 70 years old?

I am surprised that your dh even told you about the gifts. Was he boasting? If he did not want to hurt his daughter's feeling he could have accepted them and then disposed of them on the way home. How could he not know that his daughter gift was being rude to you? Since you have a daughter, have her give you a special gift of a trip for one person to lets say Vegas or NYC, even unbeknownst to your dh that you paid for the gift, to see how he reacts. You can then remind him that his dd did the same thing and that he did not see anything wrong with it. What is good for the goose, is good for the gander. Shame on him!!

marigold's picture

Enuf, we live with some sad situations, don't we?

My husband and I had another argument over his daughter tonight. That's two in three days, and she's been the cause of several others over the years.

He defends her up and down, all the while telling me how wrong, "mean spirited", and rotten I am. He feels that *I* am the one that was rude to his daughter, when it was her being rude to ME, and I have the screen shots to prove it--but he doesn't want to see them. She can do no wrong.

Well, you know what? I've just about had it. I told him tonight that if he didn't like it here with me, maybe he ought to just go move in with his daughter.

Now he's being a martyr. He took blankets out with him and I guess he's going to sleep out in his shop/man room to prove some kind of a point.

enuf's picture

You should hand him his favorite pillow on the way out. I do like to stir the pot once in a while. My dh has pulled the same stunt with me, blaming me for his ds rude behavior. The only difference is that my husband sleeps downstairs on the couch. Once in a while when he is giving me the cold shoulder in order to teach me a lesson, I have the biggest and loudest orgasms that you cannot help but to hear downstairs.

If he is outside during the day giving me the cold shoulder because in his words "he is protecting his ds against me". I play the music as loud as I can inside and when comes in, I am cooking the best and thickest steak just for me, dancing while cooking, with a glass of wine in hand. He then realizes that his cold shoulder tactic only gives me more freedom to live my life without his ridiculous boundaries regarding his ds.

He then looks at me and rushes into his office and closes the door. Our tv room is right outside his office, I eat my steak in front of the tv while watching several episodes ahead of a series we had been watching together.

He is such an idiot, what does he think he is accomplishing by giving me the cold shoulder, it is nothing a margarita or two will not fix. Your dh is also an idiot, so he is teaching you a lesson while you sleep in a comfortable bed. While you are in there, put a lock on the door and keep the key, so that you can decide when he will grace you with his presence. I have two locks, a key lock and a hook lock, on what my dh has now learned to call my bedroom.

marigold's picture

You have some very creative ways of dealing with the situation!

Loved your idea about handing dh his pillow on the way out--wish I had thought of that.

ItsGrowingOld's picture

You are almost to the finish line of disengaging! Your last hurdle will be not caring either way what your DH's daughter does or does not do. When you are fully disengaged, you won't feel the need to post here about whether or not your DH's daughter is being rude. Make sense???

Yay for you!! You are almost there and keep up the good work of disengaging:-)

marigold's picture

I won't have to post here because I'll already KNOW that if it's her, it's rude!

But you're right, I'm almost there as far as not caring goes.

I've already told dh that I'm no longer going to be taking care of special occasions for his son, daughter, and grandson. If he wants to do cards or gifts, he's going to have to remember on his own.

I said the same thing last year, then never stuck to it. I WILL stick to it this year, and probably all the years to come.

stepfrancy's picture

I haven't received gift from ss40 and his wife in 2 yrs. They always give DH and include me in it. Never wrap or put name on it. Last year rec'd a tall heater for screen porch but ceiling is vinyl and DH cut it down and it still gets to hot so its never been used. This year electric turkey fryer and we have a new roaster that we love already. Very inconsiderate gifts but I'm just glad we are through it. They never acknowledge me on mothers day or bday so I do them the same way now. For those of you that think step children are bad as kids....just wait until they move out and marry a narcissistic woman who thinks she is so above you, hates your children and never likes anything anybody does but thinks she is miss perfect. Lots of fun in the future. I just wish she would stay away from us. I can't believe SS is happy because she controls his every move. Sad, can't believe marriage will last but the children are the ones that will get hurt

Tuff Noogies's picture

fun idea - why dont you still get them gifts every year, but make it something off the wall... like the squat-stool or onesie PJ's? }:) }:) }:) "why, sd, i dont know what ever you are talking about! i've always gifted you, even when u have excluded me, just cuz it's the right and moral thing to do!"

Aniki-Moderator's picture

The skids don't get me anything. THANK GOD! On the other hand, they don't even have to decency to give my DH a damn card.

enuf's picture

Isn't so sad when they expect to be given so much and they cannot even give a $3.00 card or even yet a $1.00 card from the Dollar Store.

Last Father's day we were trying to think of where to go for lunch to celebrate. SS47 mentioned Hooter's as he said they have great wings. So we all agreed to meet there and share platters of wings. No big deal. Until we got there, there were a total of 8 of us so we required a long table. SS immediately started to sit next to df, and quickly my dh said 'no' that he wanted me to sit next to him, so my ss was still intent on sitting next to his df, had is hand on the chair and did not want to remove it so I could sit down. A few minutes later, he finally relinquished the chair and he sat to the right of me. SS turns his chair completely side ways to talk only to his df and he was talking right into my ear the entire time. I had such a headache.

It came time to order the wings, as I remember the large order cost something approximate to $39 or $49 dollars. This was something we had all agreed on prior to meeting at the restaurant. When it came time to order ss states that if we were going to share wings he was going to also order a meal. Mind you he still wanted the wings but now he wanted his own meal. All of sudden, I decided that if he was have his own meal than it would only be fair that we all got our own meal. Our meals came, my came with onion rings and he looked at me and said "I wish I had also ordered onion rings" expecting me to share mine with him. Normally I would have offered my rings for others to taste, but after he gave me that big hint, no way was I going to give him even a half of a ring. It felt so petty of me to resort to that level, as my nature is not to be that way.

When it came time to giving gifts, my ds had gotten my dh about 8 gifts from him and gkids. I gave my ds a samsung smart watch and as he was opening it, my ss asks me out loud how much did it cost because he wanted one. My dh opened the gifts and the beautiful sentimental card my ds and gkids had given him. It came for ss turn and he had absolutely nothing, nada, to give to his df. Needless to say, the meal was on us.

notasm3's picture

Oh - the oh so sly attempts to score a free meal. SS wanted DH to take me to brunch on Mother's Day where he worked. His plan was that we ordered and gave him a huge tip and then he sat down to have a freebie on us when he got off work. No thank you. I had other plans with my real family.

SS made several suggestions that we go out to dinner (always someplace expensive) so I could meet his new GFs. I fell for that once. He and his date got a free date night with multiple drinks. Never again.

I have not yet met the mother of his "dick dribble" as I have been unwilling to fund an expensive outing. Funny how they have never once even invited me over for 5 minutes. And when she came by the house a couple of times she did not come inside to meet me. She asked for DH to get my dog so she could meet him but not me.

sandye21's picture

SD is probably the cheapest person I've ever met. One time I asked her to pick up some butter for dinner. She was livid. For years we wound up paying for all meals and lodging for SD and her husband when we were with them. When we went out to dinner her husband would always order the most expensive thing on the menu. One time we decided to wait them out. DH finally broke down and paid for the meal. SD and husband never left a tip - not even once. Finally I made an agreement with DH that he pay for his family and I pay for mine. Not so many dinners out after that! SD DID treat us to lunch one time but she didn't realize the restaurant used dinner menus for lunch on Sunday. Boy! Was she miffed! In hindsight, I SHOULD have ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. LOL