If it was me,  I would read it and toss it. She's up to something and there is no way I would not want a heads up.  

You can just play dumb if he asks about it.  If he did read it, he would respond to it.  

If you give a Twit a response, she will want contact to continue.  I'd much rather give a mouse a cookie! 

What letter?

How will hell break loose in your home because of a letter? Can you just put it in with the pile of mail for your DH and let him deal with it? I know you are curious, but I believe if the contents are interesting you will eventually find out.

I don't like doing things like withholding mail because I am a big believer in karma.  You are right; it is deception to your DH.

It's only fitting she is going to send a letter outlining her tale of woe.  She's a poor victim; she does not know any better.  Will your DH believe it? Doesn't sound like anyone else who knows her does.  Put all this back on your DH's plate. Let him deal with responding to his upset princess.

Numerous people - including her own sister - have seconded she's a nutcase.  The subject is not likely to come up unless you bring it up. If DH does bring it up, I would be sympathetic "oh poor thing -  things did not work out for her the way she planned. tsk tsk"

If you harp on it too much you will take some of the blame away from the guilty. Just put the letter in the pile of mail and try to put it out of your mind.  I know - easier said than done!

Don’t hide it.  Don’t destroy it. Open it together.  That gives you the opportunity to guide the processing of the information.

And share of course!   Enquiring minds want to know.

I'm not telling you what to do as that is your decision.  Me - I'd open it and then decide what to do with it.  Unless there was some good reason to give it to my DH I'd just toss it.   I would not feel bad at all.  I'd consider it protecting my DH from an ahole's ranting.

I intercepted a letter from SD to DH when she was in the RTF. DH was having major health problems which were heart related. They did some kind of cath test and he had a reaction to the procedure that made one of his legs numb. She was told (by me) that he was ill and did not need stress at the moment, so she needed to do as she was told at the facility. She took it upon herself to pull all kinds of stoopit, lost her privileges.  She told him in the letter that it was his fault and stated that his heart problems were only because he smoked.  Thank dog I got a heads up from one of the workers.

If I were in your shoes, I'd shred it and play dumb.  I will never understand these CODs who think the world owes them a living.

I agree with notasm3.  Open it and if there is nothing life threatening or it's the same 'carp' she spouts off on the phone, what would be the difference if DH saw it or not?  If it's important I'm sure you would give it to DH.  It's sort of like one of those political flyers I'm sure your DH receives.  We just throw them in the recycle bin or shred them.  If DH doesn't get the letter Twit will call agian, maybe catch him at home and he will eventually get the message.

If this were a different situation, and Twit didn't pull the stuff she does you might not feel the way you do.  My SD NEVER communicates with DH so I would probably give him the letter.

Letter?  What letter?  Sorry, I haven't seen anything.  Gosh, I didn't knwo people wrote letters anymore!   But read it first to make sure you have a head;s up on what is going on and can take evasive action ahead of time as necessary.  It is not deceptive.  It is protecting the peace and calm of your household from someone who has ill intent.  All is fair in love and war.  You love your husband and she unfortunately declared war because of it.

I would read and the destoy it.  After all 99% of the time Twit 'posts' something to you it never arrives anyway.

I think it is unethical to destroy someone else's letter.  I would be furious if this was done to me.  And she would probably eventually find out that the letter hadn't got to him.  But you have a right to know its contents. 

SDM, I am surprised that you would even consider tampering with your DH's personal mail without his knowledge.  I know many couples will open each other's mail (with the other's consent) but to do so without your DH's knowledge for the possible purpose of destroying it before he knows about it, is unethical. 

The right thing to do is give DH the letter, let him read it and then ask if he will share it with you.  He most probably will, so your questions about its contents will be answered.   No need to stoop to a low-level.  It sounds like something SD/"Twit" would do, so show more integrity than her.  

Oh, I wouldn't destroy it.  I'd slide a slim knife or pen into the edge and peel it ever-so-slowly open, so it doesn't rip or tear.  Once it was open, I'd read every word of it and then post the contents under a different Adult Stepchildren forum topic and ask others what they think about it.  Then, I'd fold it back up, put it in the envelope and carefully reseal it for DH.  Put it in with his other mail.  

See. . . Good or bad, I learned a thing or two from watching all of those ID Discovery shows.

Letters get lost in the mail all the time........*yes3*

She may have sent it with a receipt of mailing from the post office to trap you.  I would leave it with the mail and let him find it. 

How is DH going to feel when he finds out that you withheld this from him? Does he know about the missed phone calls? Would one little white lie..."Why, no, dear. I haven't seen any mail from Twit."...validate any of the accusations that Twit has accused you of? 

I would unappologetically open it, read it, hand it to hubby and say, "Here you go, dear. This came in the mail. I've already read it."

Haha, she knows he purposely does not take her calls half of the time, so she wrote a letter. Same shit, different delivery.

By phone or mail, she is still cuckoo, cuckoo.

You poor woman...you should not be dealing with this in your retirement years.  I agree with The PTSD comment and staying away from Twit sounds like the best idea.  Good news, from her letter, it sounds like she may be shifting her crazy to the newly acquired in laws and she is looking for allies in that battle.  What ever you do, don’t get involved, even to side with the in laws.  I personally would get heavilily involved in my hobbies, in your case, maybe shift your focus back to the buying and selling of collectables.  I hope you are feeling better and your DH does not relapse any time soon.

Hi, she's driving me. 

I don't always comment on your posts, because here in the Adult Skid forum it's generally our core group supporting each other and you get plenty of sensible comments. I have followed your story since Day One though, so I know what Twit has put you through. All that to say, I  understand why Twit (or even the thought of Twit) continues to affect you. Are you familiar with CPTSD? Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can affect people who've experienced repeated and prolonged exposure to toxic people or situations. Please read up on it. During the worst part of my particular stephell (and for sometime afterwards) I definitely had symptoms of this disorder. Just when you feel safe and have peace, Twit pops back up, triggering you again. It's not "just a letter", but all the bad memories, trauma, and stress it brings back, too.

Any future mail can be marked RETURN TO SENDER.  Only those that know the fear of an unstable nutcase know that fear and I would reccommend you do that , if only to give you a sense of control over her contact methods.  

Phone : don't answer,   Mail : return    Email : mark as spam.   Social Media : block her

Any other ways she could contact you and trigger you?  You must a have plan to deal with this.  

Any updates concerning the outcome with her sister's picture during the wedding weekend? 

by the Girhippo "from the skids" tug-on-Chef's-heartstrings to re-establish the Gir's non-parental status ad hoc free babysitting service notes/letters (TM) accidentally became kindling for the two woodstoves....whoops!

The “Return to sender” advice is right on point IMHO.  Order the pre red inked RETURN TO SENDER stamp and let DH know that you will be using it liberally on Twit correspondence.

Take care of you.

I totally empathize with the PTSD/shaking reaction to Twit.  My situation with SS34 is very different - but I recognize the absolute terror/breakdown that can appear at the thought of having to deal with someone who is a potential threat.  It's easy for others to say "just ignore it" - but in some ways it's like a panic attack - not at all rational.  Someone who is afraid of flying or afraid of heights needs more than just saying "don't worry it's ok".

But it can get better.  After SS34 and his GF invaded our home, ransacked my most personal possessions, slept in my bed, and helped themselves to whatever they wanted I honestly felt so violated.  I'm not sure a rape would have been worse.  We'd arrived home at midnight and I crawled in bed - it wasn't until the next morning that I realized that I was sleeping on their sex residue.  I was so disgusted I almost vomited.

A couple of months later when I found out that SS had been invited to a family reunion (by siblings who knew nothing of these transgressions) I had a total breakdown and literally took to my bed.  Fortunately he and GF could not come so I was able to attend - but my reaction was anything but rational.

It's now been over a year and a half and I am much better.  But that's because I've had ZERO interaction with the cretins - even though they only live about 15-20 minutes away and have DH's only grandchild.  I have them blocked every which way.  I've had a great relationship with DH's siblings - but if they at some point wanted to pick a violent alcoholic/druggie over me (not likely) then I could release them also.  My DH has been so supportive.   I know he loves his horribly flawed child - I will do nothing to try to erode that.  But I am grateful that he does not pressure me to accept the unacceptable.  No apology could ever make it all right.

I am in my 70s now and like you have seen a lot.  I do not need to deal with people who bring bad things into my life.  People always say life is short - well it's even shorter when you get to be my age.