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It doesnt end at 18 folks!

CLove's picture

Last night, oh around 11 pm, Toxic Troll BM texted DH about Toxic Feral Eldest SD20. Shes having a panic attack (another one), and does he have a xanax? Its the only thing that gets her "thru".

Firstly the PITA woke us both up out of a great sleep. Secondly this is not an emergency and therefore is not appropriate. Thirdly, neither of us actually take xanax, so why the eff would she think that he would have any????

That was last night, and it bothered me all night - when I wasnt able to get back to sleep (darn! I get up early!!! am now foggy brained)

So, yeah, that Golden Fleece of 18, and life gets better - it does exist, but it can be taken away at any time, as they are always going to be their children and therefore the Ex will ALWAYS be there, waiting in the wings, asking for this and that, always maintaining contact, always THERE.

And theToxic Spawn will too. They dont launch, they continue the toxic pathway of the parent, they will EXPECT to be put first, and everyone is the bad guy if they dont put them first ahead of spouses, because second spouses (esp childess ones!) are not considered special. Are not considered at all.

To top off my morning today - Facebook popped up with a memory from 2 yeas ago! A really pretty set of photo of the three of them at a bday party for Toxic Feral  her 18th. She soon after was struck and choked by her mother (whom she now lives with - they are bffs). The fact that she turned 18 meant she was an adult and her mother couldnt get into trouble for physically assaulting her.

I had really hoped that 18 was that "magic number". But, shes gotten worse in a different way, with her non-sensical accusations. 18 is jut another "milesotne", it is not an "ending point" apparently. Not a turning point for the better, just different.

Of course, it HAS gotten better, for me, but right now I am focused on the non-stop "panic attacks" and queries for medications from Toxic Troll. The "what iffs" and "what coulds". Like will she continue asking to move back in? When I asked DH if we should discuss this, he didnt want to, and simply said "I dont want to dive into this at all", meaning he is disengaged.

MrsStepMom's picture

Well for one, a panic attack, to the person having it, is an FING EMERGENCY. Personally, as someone who has them you can bite me on that rude comment. I get that seeing as you don't have it anyway why would she call you for the medication though. Unless you have passed out and been taken away in an ambulence from a panic attack please do not speak of things you don't understand.

beebeel's picture

I would think a 20 year old with a history of panic attacks would have a perscription to manage her disorder and not make it other people's emergencies in the middle of the night. 

Unless you know this girl and her medical history, I think you are taking this far too personally.

MrsStepMom's picture

Ya I have an rx too but my doctor takes two fing weeks to refill it so I have run out too and you know what happens? I am in misery.

SteppedOut's picture

Right? Do you call your family and ask if they have some? Which is completely illegal?

Rags's picture

She is an idiot and that is not your problem.  Or her father's problem.  She is an adult. If she is too F-n stupid to manage filling her Rx's that is on her.

Let her suffer the consequences of her idiocy. Maybe she will learn something.  Not likely, but it is a remote possibility at least.

Jcksjj's picture

I have panic disorder so I get this and dont really like how dismissive that part is, BUT BM is the one that called correct? And it's of no use to call them since they arent doctors and cant give her meds. On BMs part I'm sure it was just another reason to have contact. She should have brought her to the ER if necessary or helped her calm down at home and started dealing with it with a psychiatrist or othe mental health professional after. Cant just call daddy every time you have a panic attack, that's not going to fix it. Theres no reason it couldn't have been handled by the two adults without calling them. I guarantee BM just likes to run to her ex still whenever she can come up with a reason.

CLove's picture

If is real its real, I apologise.

But - Toxic Troll texts and calls EVERYTIME she has a problem, or a questions, or an issue, even if it doent have anything to do with kids. She just cant seem to figure out that DH is NOT her "huz" anymore. Because they have a special bond you see.

She has previously had zero qualms about taking Feral to ER. She took the kid off her insurance. Kid was mia for a while. Kid likes to do underage drinking as well as smoke pot. So add Xanax to the mix, thats REALLY smart.

DH is the one in the middle because is the father of the child.

Jcksjj's picture

BM here is EXACTLY the same so I can totally relate. Monday she was insisting DH give her his password for SDs medical records online - each parent is supposed to request their own access. Even DH and I both have separate access but she wanted theirs to be together as if they are still a couple. She was completely dumbfounded when he reminded her that he has other children and no she cannot use his access and also have access to their medical records. You could tell the reality check that the "special bond" like you say she thinks they share is not actually unique to her and he has a family without her cut deep. Idk what's wrong with some of these BM, but even years later they cant let it go.

shamds's picture

The fact exwife thinks she can have access to your private info...

for op see it this way.... if you were sick with a virus/flu and needed meds like antibiotics, you wouldn’t call your ex in middle of the night asking for some would you? You would actually see a dr so xanax is no different

Jcksjj's picture

Not even ex wife lol - brief fling that got pregnant. Didnt even occur to her that the children he has with his wife not to mention his own medical info would also be on there. Delusional.

thinkthrice's picture

These men keep it wrapped???  why do they have to go impregnating everything and anything which results in a crazy psycho BM iand maladjusted skids?

Jcksjj's picture

In his case...underage drinking and being stupid enough to trust she was actually using her diaphragm when she was crazy and trying anything to get him back. All I can say is that I'm glad I haven't had to live with as bad of consequences from the choices I made in my late teens and early 20s.

CLove's picture

Stuck in the past - they think that they deserve all acess to DH, who is no longer THEIR dh.

Yep. Part of that "package deal" they never tell you about. Then you see that on almost every post on steptalk. The ex that still thinks they own the ex spouse. The BM that thinks because she had children with the guy, she still owns a piece of his forever.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I did NOT think you were being dismissive, CLove. That's simply not YOU. Kiss 2

CLove's picture

Thank you for sharing your challenges. And thank you for gettng me so well

Biggrin

CLove's picture

She is a pathological liar.

By she, I mean both of the shes - they are identical. If you have read my previous posts you know that.

Is it a REAL panic attack? Or did the Toxic Troll find another mess in the bathroom? From hair dye?

Is it a REAL panic attack, or did she ask the Feral to wash her own dishes/clean her cockroachy room?

Is it a REAL panic attack, or did Toxic Troll ask for money towards rent?

Because each time this has happened in the PAST, this is what was behind it. EVERY time. I can only determine the truth based on previous experiences. Feral has recently been to the hospital, and wouldnt they prescribe things to help? I have no knowledge other than she has been horrible to me, therefore I have disengaged. So yeah. Her and hr panic attacks can bite me at this point. I have tried many times to help this POS, only to get lied to and have accusations levied at me.

Jcksjj's picture

I hate people like that. I've had plenty of drs roll their eyes or act annoyed because of people like her who are seeking attention or medication. It makes it so that people dont take it seriously when it's real. 

Your situation is exactly what I dread having to deal with forever. BM and SD having constant bullshit dramas that just HAVE to involve DH. 

strugglingSM's picture

Regardless of the situation, BM should not be reaching out to her EX husband for help. Since her children are adults, maybe they can help her through her emergency, but the ex husband should be off the hook. BM is not his problem.

CLove's picture

It wasnt about Toxic Troll Bm, this time (there have been PLENTY of other times however...) it was about Feral eldest SD20. She has been getting panic attacks, apparently. It seems very sketchy to me, because she had a bad reaction to this very same medication a few years ago.

DH is ging to stay far away from this mess. If he goes down he brings me down too.

didn'tsignupforapunk's picture

Then perhaps sd needs to put on her big girl panties and have Xanax stocked for these panic attacks. Op has every right to be irritated at being woken up over something that could've been easily handled with a little planning.

TrueNorth77's picture

Oh yes Toxic Troll, Even if he did have Xanax, I'm sure your ex-husband will just rush to risk catching a felony charge (in most states, distributing a prescription medication to others is a felony) so your dumb ass can have a xanax. What a dumb box. If she really has panic attacks, why is she not on prescribed meds of her own?  But the even bigger question is, these kids are 18, why on earth doesn't your DH have her blocked??

SteppedOut's picture

This! 

Even if one of you had some prescribed to you; ONLY you can take them.

SD needs to get to the dr for a DIAGNOSIS and prescription of her own; if the dr thought that was the proper course of treatment. 

CLove's picture

You can get into a LOT of trouble. In California, it is a felony if you sell it. It is misdemeanor if you just have it and give it to someone. I just wonder if she is trying to set him up for something. During their divorce she tried to set him up for things as leverage for more money. It didnt work, it just pissed me off. Anytime she is going for more money, or has taken him to court, she tries any leverage possible.

I think Feral just wants to get high. And her mother asked her for money towards rent.

We still have an almost 13-year old whereby we share 50/50  (who was sleeping at this time), but he doent block Toxic Troll because he doesnt want to have MORE conflict. He simply deflects it as much as he can.

hereiam's picture

The girl is 20 years old, why is BM calling? If it was a true emergency type panic attack, she should have taken her to the ER. I mean, what did she expect your husband to do about it? Besides illegally giving her Xanax?

It CAN end at 18 but your husband has to enforce it. He has let her get away with so much over the years (didn't he take her gas for her car when she ran out?) that re-training her will be difficult. He needs to stop coming to her rescue, that's why she keeps contacting him.

You also still have one SD that is a minor, so that makes it a little harder, but where SD20 is concerned (and BM, herself), he needs to be firm.

CLove's picture

Is always ready with his cape. Even at 11:30 pm on a school night. She then mentioned 'yes there is a perscription, it just hasnt been filled yet...'

Re-training smart usually isnt this hard. RE-training stupid is next to impossible.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I have SEVERE panic attacks and have been carted away in an ambulance (which made it WORSE) because my own sister freaked out over me having one. She certainly did not call any family members or my psycho exh to ask them if they could illegally supply meds.

Couple of things... As someone who has severe (sometimes debilitating) panic attacks, I take my meds with me everywhere. And I do mean EVERYWHERE. If you see me at the gym, I have a pill tucked away somewhere on my person. At the beach? Yep. ON MY PERSON. I have a cache of tiny ziploc bags to keep my pill from getting wet. And because those panic attacks can be so bloody horrific, I never let my prescription lapse. I reorder when I'm down to 10 pills.  

Quite frankly, it p!sses me off that people "play" at having an illness or condition (like people who claim to have a migraine...while posting all over fakebook about how awful it is).

If Toxic Feral was TRULY suffering from a panic attack, Toxic Troll should have taken Feral to the ER; NOT contact your DH. to ask if he can illegally provide medication.

VA GIRLFRIEND's picture

Good answer and REAL information from someone with a personal history of panic attacks: In my opinion, the step-daughter here needs to act like this (if she is really having these attacks) and procure her OWN meds. Aniki: I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but we appreciate you sharing!

 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Thank you, VA.

I think the BM here is up to no good and trying to do something to get CLove's DH in trouble.

CLove's picture

And steplife doesnt help any. But you have taken the necessary steps to deal and treat your condition.

She is 20. And her mother is an absolute mess. She has been a horrible narcissistic brat. My empathy rating for her is at an all time low. It seems the only times she is doing this is when they argue.

Plus, yes, if this is real, hr mother should take her to ER. She has taken her many many many different times to ER. She knows where it is located. A few years ago this same thing happened, now that I think about it. DH-then-SO got texts around 11 ish that Feral was in ER. Then Toxic Troll is getting yelled at by Dr's ("that Dr was such a b!tch!) because Toxic Troll had given Feral her Xanax. To a kid. And kid had bad reaction. So NOW, kid is older, and xanax is the only thing that gets her thru.

I smell something fishy. Because would ER be able to tell if there is substance abuse? Repeated visits for same thing?

Wouldnt they be able to give her something to help at that point, unless they caught something fishy too?

SteppedOut's picture

She had a bad reaction to the controlled substance her mother gave her previously, but thinks she should have more of it? 

Sounds like his ex wanted a fix but thought your dh would maybe try to get some for his daughter? 

Wtf. How do you even deal with this crap?

CLove's picture

How do I deal? Not very well. Im tired, cranky and none of my positive energy you tube vids are working. Im still pissed off.

Yes, makes no sense to me, what changed between here and there? Dosage?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Steplife has made it a challenge...

I think Troll wants that Xanax for herself and/or is trying to get your DH in legal trouble. I would hope the ER staff would recognize symptoms of SA and use past medical records to determine it. If Feral was TRULY having an attack, they could give her something.

CLove's picture

In fact, H thought that as well, stated that Toxic Troll and Feral were "dosing" off someones perscription, and it had run out, because they were both "dipping" in the one.

He might be a simple guy, but he knows how addicts work, unfortunately. And he is very street smart.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I had both a former coworker and a former friend offer to "buy meds off" me. The coworker ended up getting fired - as did the coworker who "gave" him drugs in exchange for nookie. IN A MEETING ROOM! The former friend has OD'd twice (obviously NOT fatally) and is a freakin' trainwreck.

People are bloody FOOLS to take unprescribed meds. If they have a bad reaction, it could be FATAL if the medical staff is unable to determine what med was taken. Damn fools.

CLove's picture

People die all the time. Shes not of legal age to buy it yet. But has indicated she doesnt want to stay sober and cant wait to be 21 to buy alcohol.

She obviously ended up with the polluted end of gene pool.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Feral has a prescription for a drug to which she previously had an allergic reaction?? Wow.

Regardless, you go to the ER if you require meds. You don't call people who don't even take that medication. SMDH

notasm3's picture

There are 24/7 pharmacies where she could have had it filled. Might have required a drive - but not impossible.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

So your DH has to get up in the middle of the night to commit the crime of "distribution of controlled substances"? I don't know about where you live, but here in the UK you aren't allowed to share your prescription medication or dish it out like candy. 

If SD has regular panic attacks an is over 18, it is her responsibilty to make sure she has a stash of required medication. It is negligent for her to let it run out - unless her doctor thinks she is abusing medication and no longer prescribes it.

Either way, it is not your problem or your DH's.

CLove's picture

She asked last week too, when Feral was having another panic attack, on her bday. They were at the ER and asking DH for xanax. I think its fishy that she went to hospital and couldnt get prescription. She has gone before, BECAUSE she had taken Xanax. So its strange to me that now Xanax is her go-to.

Here in California it is a misdemeanor with possible jail time and fines. You get in big time trouble and he could lose his job, and all our hopes and dreams for a better life go down the drain.

Forget about the part where she does underage drinking and smokes pot and xanax is not compatble with alcohol!

The only way this is my problem is the stress it causes...DH has a headache and I am foggy brained from lack of sleep.

Thumper's picture

Are either you or your dh on call for work?

IF not, turn off your phones.

It is never unreasonable to turn off phones after 10pm until 7am

CLove's picture

again - the texting late at night for drugs. She said "sorry! I wont!"

Lets see how long it lasts, how long before the next issue the next problem!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Does his phone have a Do Not Disturb feature? If so, he can set it up to only allow specific phone numbers to ring in a given timeframe, say 10pm until 6am.

tog redux's picture

Frankly, I'm not clear why anyone on this board DOES think it ends at 18.  That has always baffled me - first off, most 18-year-olds are not self-supporting, some are still in high school. And also - I sure turned to my parents in need, even as a fully mature, middle-aged adult.  

Now, the difference is that I'm not insane and dependent.  But SMs on here need to stop thinking 18 is the magic time when stepkids disappear from existence.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

If parents do nothing to equip their kids to take on age appropriate responsibilities and help them to independence, then it doesn't matter what age they are:  they remain incompetent and an adult annoyance. No kid disappears at 18, and IMO no 18yo is ready to successfully negotiate adult life without some help. Be that emotional support or financial help in terms of further studies or possibly helping with a down payment of sorts.

I am 41 - and as an adult I have turned to my parents many times. Primarily for emotional or family support over the years. I did not disappear at 18 because my parents were still fully funding my university studies. Thanks to that, I have never needed to turn to them for financial help.

I have an SS (18) and I don't think I will be ready to "kick him out" for at least another 3 years. He can leave any time he wants, but I don't think it is fair to kick him out until he is fully independent and that will only be when he graduates and is able to earn a salary to be self-supporting. At the moment he does work part time and pays for certain of his own things like car insurance, but in no way can he fully support himself without resorting to full time minimum wage employment - and even then I have my doubts about the standard of living he can afford.

CLove's picture

Her and I have conversed about her "after high school plans", which include choosing where she would like to live, that she is welcome to remain living with us while pursuing her academics, and hopefully some kind of parttime job.

She hasnt calld me an effing b1tch, btw. Hasnt told me I am ugly and disgusting. Hasnt trashed me behind my back, while  allowing me to help her.

I think therin lies the difference.

CLove's picture

Feral refuses to even get her drivers license. she ubers or gets a ride from Troll. I got mine at 18. When she was 18 and graduated, her father told her he had a car for her, she just needed license and job to pay for insurance and gas. 2 FREAKING YEARS LATER, nothing.

Her mother has always enabled her with medication, such as xanax and pot. Yep. And as for teaching her how to cook for herelf, when she was vegatarian? Back when I cared, about 3 years ago, I tried to teach her, by saying "hey you are helping me cook dinner tonight!" Her response? "sais who?" Mine :"me. Or I guess you dont feel like eating."

End of cooking lessons!

 

CLove's picture

When you turned to your parents for help, did you FIRST disappear with no explanation  - ghost them, having no contact, and THEN return, blast your parents via text because you were too chickenshit to speak in person, accusing them of abusing you, THEN, ask for money, after that, then blast them again, while then asking to move in?

It baffles me that parents are expected to take abuse from children, then when children turn 18, are STILL expected to take their abuse.

If a kid needs help, they can ask nicely or GTFO. But Ima bitch like that.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

Horrible skids or kids deserve no help. Ask my SD how much I do for her... (Hint: You need zero fingers to count!)

CLove's picture

I had more than enough troubles from that one. I understand that a parent will always be a parent, and that at  18 they more than likely will be needing help. We were prepared to allow her to stick around our house after graduating.

I guess my topic title should have been something different! Like "launch baby launch!"

tog redux's picture

I don't think anyone is suggesting you help her - just that even functional skids don't disappear at 18, and still need help.

In TFE's case, NO, your DH should not help her.  But that's not going to stop him from caring, or worrying, or her from asking for help.

notasm3's picture

Because in many places it becomes OPTIONAL after age 18.  If one does not live in NY or some other horrible place one can choose to stop enabling a child at 18.  Doesn't mean that one should do that. A skid who is at least somewhat reasonable should not just be abandoned.  It's only the worst of the worst who deserve banishment.

It doesn't mean that the skid disappears - but it does mean that the state can no longer force the bio parent to be responsible for the skid.  A parent can be legally liable for many many horrible actions of their child if younger than 18. 

DH's son was in his very early 20s when we met.   DH let SS live with him (voluntarily) after he was let out of juvie (for some horrible crime that no one will discuss).  DH had to evict him with police escort for being violent about a year before we met.  My DH was an Army Ranger trained to kill people and he was honestly afraid that he might kill SS in self defense if he was not removed - although SS was 6 inches taller and 50 pounds heavier than DH.  He could not have done that as easily if he had been younger than 18.

DH and SS reconciled in part because of me.  DH moved to my area where SS also lived.  But when SS got arrested and his GF called and begged for DH to come bail out SS and pay the fine so he wouldn't have to serve a jail sentence (fairly short) DH could just say no.

And now that SS is 34 - I am free to say keep the ahole away from me. (but in more polite language).  If SS were still a minor I realize that DH might actually have to have him for some time in our home.

So no the skids do not automatically "go away" at 18.  But the legal ramifications of no longr having a minor child can change very much.

 

didn'tsignupforapunk's picture

Because after graduating HS, there is no reason an 18 year old can't deal with roomates, or **GASP** holding down more than one job, if they've caused so much hell that steps or bios can't wait for a taste of freedom. Neither figuring out how to rent an apartment or hold down a job is rocket science.

Maxwell09's picture

I keep warning DH that 18 isn’t the golden arch of Freedom he thinks it is. She is like a dog with a bone and SS’s age isn’t going to mean a thing to her. He is an extension of her after. I have a good feeling it’ll be even worse if SS manages to be successful in life because she’ll want the glory for that. 

CLove's picture

Just didnt have it filled yet?

DH did in fact have a convo with Toxic Troll to NEVER text that late and no he will NEVER procure xanax to anyone.

She said she is "sorry".

So frustrating.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Clove, you know that Troll and FE are on a never ending rollercoaster ride of dysfunction. You can't fix the problem, so the solution is creating systems to keep the drama out of your home and your life. The only hope Munchkin has of turning out well is having a second home that gives her a basis for comparison and sanctuary from the drama.

After each instance of drama, look for ways to prevent it happening again, or at minimum a way to route it solely to your DH. The take away this time? Phones turned off at bedtime, buy an old school alarm clock, DH draws a boundary with his baggage, etc. Every time, focus on protective solutions rather than the drama itself. That's the direction of peace.

I got so sick of my DH's people always pulling the big red handle and us running from crisis to crisis. To this day I often cringe when my phone rings, because even years after so many "emergency" late night calls, my heart still pounds and I get anxious. The simple habit of "mute in the evening, off at bedtime" made me feel I had some control - great, since so much of the poo in steplife is out of our control. This small tweak of thinking can produce big results.

CLove's picture

I just texted DH - "this isnt a big deal, just need to have firm boundaries, and stay very far out and away from THEIR business". He and I are hopefully on the same page. This isnt our business, is not his problem to solve.

Will ask him to turn off his ringer. Ill use my phone for an alarm.

tog redux's picture

Yes, good idea. I'm guessing Toxic Troll's apologies are about as reliable as her parenting.

hereiam's picture

Frankly, I'm not clear why anyone on this board DOES think it ends at 18

I never expected not to have SD in our lives after she turned 18, but BM could certainly go to hell.

CLove's picture

I guess my expectation was that she would stop being a narcissistic leech and destoyer of all joy at 18...

Aniki-Moderator's picture

CLove, with Feral having had an allergic reaction to Xanax, I'm wondering if she is faking her panic attacks to procure Xanax for Troll...

CLove's picture

I only get information through DH, and he only gives me "trickle truth", dribbles of this and that. And he only gets what thruth/information Toxic Troll and Feral give him.

But I do know that Troll has "migrains", has money from workmans comp for a "head injury", has addiction in her past.

I do know that Feral and Troll are cut from the same cloth. Supposedly she has a perscription for SOMETHING.

I went down the rabbit hole and tried getting information. All I got was a stressed out DH.

Its totally possible, except that Feral has been "hallucinating" (could be from edibles fed to her by Troll) so theres that, added to the pile of information. Its entirely possible, and DH thinks they are both dosing off meds together.

sandye21's picture

OK, I admit I'm awful ahead of time and should go to hell for my thoughts.  But here goes:  Next time they call in the middle of the night tell them you will give them what you have.  But because you are 'groggy' from lack of sleep you 'mistakenly' grab the laxatives.  I can guarantee you the calls will be reduced significantly.  Plus - whomever experiences the 'results' will be the one / ones who are dosing off the meds.  It's all about developing - and carefully nurturing - a lack of trust.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

'mistakenly' grab the laxatives

Ha, sandye, I just snorked hot coffee up my nose! That would almost be worth the disturbance. LOL

Rags's picture

My mom suffered from severe anxiety and depression for a number of years.  Her anxiety attacks were debilitating.  However, she actively engaged with her therapists and Docs to manage and work through addressing the condition and associated issues.

My dad, and my brother were there for her. I was away at school but when I was home for the holidays or the summer I did what I could as well.  But... it was mom that had to do the work and own her condition and working through it.

She never allowed herself to run out of meds.  

Your SD needs to own this.

CLove's picture

She was an adult, however, with support, and probably finances. Feral has a minimum wage job, her mother (collossal waste case), no wherewithal to take care of herself, even to cooking her own meals, cleaning up after herself, laundry (she buys new clothes instead of washing, Ive seen this...) She has no drivers license even. She has no self-preservation skills. And she has burned her bridges with me and other family members. PLUS she is a narcissist. They take zero responsibility for self. Its everyon elses fault.

Happycamper's picture

This comment rings so true....And theToxic Spawn will too. They dont launch, they continue the toxic pathway of the parent, they will EXPECT to be put first, and everyone is the bad guy if they dont put them first ahead of spouses, because second spouses (esp childess ones!) are not considered special. Are not considered at all.

Yesterday my DH was talking about one of his friends that was coming into town for his kids graduation. This man has kids from both of his wives. I asked which kid was graduating and my DH said his REAL daughter. What??? He has two kids (no skids) with his second wife. He said it like only the kids from the FIRST wife mattered!  I got ticked boy! I told him, us second wives are real too!!!!!!!  He claimed he didn't mean it that way, but I feel like his real thoughts just came out. The guy has biological kids with both women but only the first wife's kids are the REAL ones. Men suck!!!