It’s official… I really do HATE my SS and his girlfriend
With every fiber of my being… I don’t think I’ve ever really HATED anyone before in my life… at least not like this. I am becoming such a miserable person… I hate who I am becoming…. This is what I have to deal with:
His girlfriend works one to two days a week, she takes that money and gets a Mani Pedi EVERY SINGLE WEEK… she spends her time at the pool or shopping with her mother.
She does nothing to help out around the house, she doesn’t empty the dishwasher, set the table, or sweep the kitchen floor… we had a signed contract that said that they would do these chores… they don’t!
She empties the diaper pail into the kitchen trash, and then doesn’t take the kitchen trash out, so the kitchen smells like diapers.
She leaves dirty diapers in the pack-n-play that we bought for them, she leaves dirty clothes in it, dirty diapers, towels, wipes, it’s used for everything but the baby himself… we spent a small fortune on that thing and it’s a glorified trash can/hamper!
SS does absolutely NOTHING around the house
SS leaves his shoes ALL over
SS buys brand new clothes and sneakers every week… sneakers that cost $100 or more, yet he has paid rent to us exactly TWICE since December
SS leaves clothes in the washer and dryer for his father to take care of for him (I refuse)
They BOTH leave gross sour baby bottles in the TV room and on the kitchen counters (she’s breastfeeding, I don’t need her sour breast milk all over my house)
SS quits a job after THREE DAYS without having a new one lined up
As far as SS is concerned I am not included as one of the “family”
This Saturday, SS went to three parties, with g/f and 5 month old baby in tow
SS drops the g/f off w/ baby at 11:30 at night and then starts calling her to tell her to come back to the 1st party that he’s at… she leaves the house at midnight, carrying the sleeping infant… I ask “why are you going” she says “he keeps calling me” I said, “shut off your phone” “but then he’ll be mad” and she leaves…
We stayed up till 1:30 and they weren’t home yet
I woke up the next morning to find his shirt in the trash, all ripped up and he puked in the bathroom sink. I clean out the sink, because I can’t stand that there’s puke in there (this, mind you is after I spent four hours cleaning the house the day before, while he with no job took his BM out to lunch and his g/f was dress shopping, because she’s going to be in a wedding… in Las Vegas next year, she’s staying at Cesar’s they’re going for a week
(Where the eff are they getting the money for that? oh wait, they live with us and have no REAL financial responsibilities because my husband doesn’t collect the rent that he said he would be)
When my husband confronts SS about the puke in the sink, he says “I have no idea what she’s talking about” …. Because I made that up, right? I made up the torn shirt and the puke in the sink… the sink clogged itself, right?
My husband and I both noticed that his g/f looks pregnant again… I told him if she is, and you DON’T make them move out… then I’m leaving!
I had my mother over for dinner last night… she arrived and SS is sprawled out across the couch, watching skateboarding…I have to TELL him to move so that my 70 year old mother can have a place to sit… he barely gives her room to sit (my mother hates him too) and continues to watch SKATEBOARDING… my mother says “dear, could you please turn that down a bit?” he gets huffy and leaves the room (good!)
I’m done, who was hit here that said “stick a fork in me”?? That’s me now… I’m done, done, done done!
DAMN. All I have to say is
DAMN. All I have to say is DAMN. If I were you and they didn't leave, I'd be packing my stuff to leave ASAP, too.
I often wonder what would happen if SD gets knocked up when she's a teen. Seems like it's the trend seeing as her Nana (grandmother) had BM when she was 16yo and SD was born when BM was 16yo. With the way her other home life is, it's not looking good for us!
Your DH needs to grown a pair, and like now! Oh wait, he already has those! See, that's how you got stuck in this situation. Make him put them to good use this time at least!
Good luck!
the g/f is only 20 and since
the g/f is only 20 and since she's breastfeeding, she's the designated driver... the first and then last party was around the corner from our house, so they walked there....
I agree that they're doing what they're allowed to do...it's sickening to me. I feel as if the only "say" that I have in this matter is to either stay or leave...
None of the input I had when the situation came about has held up. I’m the one that brought the contract to the table
I’m the one that brought the ‘end game’ strategy to the table
I’m the one that instituted the rent
I’m the one that insisted they have their own set of household chores to do
Every-damn thing I tried to do to make the situation livable for EVERYONE was ignored, and now I have these two leaches, living in our house and I can’t get rid of them, or make them do anything
THEIR life is just peachy, new clothes, manis and pedi's and going to Las Vegas... MY life sucks... my husband just bends to their will and I HATE HIM TOO!!! (not yet, but it's brewing...)
how do you MAKE people do what they're supposed to do?
threaten to kick them out? he won't do it! he doesn't want the g/f to go off and live with her mother and the baby, so that his son has to have shared custody and pay child support... and be a weekend Dad.
So it’s either me or them. It’s my house too, I’m not really prepared to leave it (If I leave and divorce him…he’s getting the house that’s just the way life goes) It’s my house too, I’m not leaving it unless the little whore is pregnant again, then all bets are off… take my name off everything, I want nothing to do with them anymore
You need to start your exit
You need to start your exit strategy now...He is not going to wake up and force SS to grow up. So you need a plan. She probably is pregnant, since that is usually how these things go. Welfare is next...
Please start setting money aside and make plans to get out, is this really how you want to live your life?
<---THIS. Save your
<---THIS.
Save your money. Plan on moving expenses. Look into some apartments. I'm so sorry that you are putting up with this! You are witnessing people wasting their lives and their children's lives. Get out, get away and live your life.
Yep...start making plans to
Yep...start making plans to leave. Just put a little bit of money aside each month. Then once you do, you'll have to give him (husband) an ultimatum. Either you guys all sit down and come up with with a timeline and plan for them to get their own place, or you get your own place.
One thing I've learned is
One thing I've learned is that you can't MAKE adults do anything, especially when they are lazy slobs. I recommend having a family meeting at once and ask why the rules aren't being adhered to. At that point stress that they have to follow the rules or look for a new place. DH must stand behind you on this as well. In all honesty it sounds like your SS is the man of your house.
Make your DH realize that if changes aren't made, you're making plans to leave and stick to your guns. Your SS and GF will never leave because you and DH have made things much too comfortable for them. Change that.
If nothing changes, you have two choices, stay and end up even more miserable than you are, or start saving your money and make plans on moving out. It's just that simple.
I've been down the same road. My SD only had 1 chores, to wash dishes, and she had a problem w/that so we instituted that she wash her own dishes. Now this is the ONLY chore she had at 27. She not only would leave her dishes for 3 days, but wouldn't pick up behind herself. Alot of her antics were done to annoy me. But I stayed in DH's behind about her, and he stayed on her. She got tired of him complaining and fortunately she's moving out soon. I'd also made it clear to DH that if SD didn't move out next year (after what would have amounted to 4 years of marriage), that I was leaving, and I meant just that.
I was trying to just leave
I was trying to just leave it, but I have to say, that's really not easy. Hence the four hours I spent on Saturday, just cleaning. The crumbs in the TV room were embarrassing, underneath the coffee tables, in the couch cushions… the floor in the kitchen was so bad, I had to change the water while mopping three times… I wound up on my hands and knees to get the crud from in front of the stove and the refrigerator… (I happened to be scrubbing the kitchen floor when SS brought his BM over to the house before they went to Celebration of Life Party…
She says to me “boy, you’re really cleaning up a storm!”
My reply was… “well, SOMEBODY has to clean around here, right?”
She gave me a sheepish look (I almost feel sorry for her, she f*cked her life up so bad with addiction and cheating…. she’s bringing herself back from the brink and she’s just grateful that her kids are talking to her, so she’d never, EVER say or do anything to upset her precious son!)
Sick thing is that I'm
Sick thing is that I'm looking at three bank CD's which I put aside for BD's college education and they'd be enough to cover me getting a place and a little bit of furniture to start myself out with... they're maturing the beginning of September and I'm wondering how long it'd take me to get the money back into savings for her, so that we can just get out
How old is BD? You should
How old is BD? You should talk to your bank's loan agent to try to figure out the time period involved, and how much savings you could recoup. I know I wouldn't want to touch that money, but then again what kind of future will BD have if this is what she's surrounded by and exposed to? Do what is best for you and BD.
If the house has your name on it, is half the furniture inside yours? Take what you need.
she's almost 13, and in need
she's almost 13, and in need of braces and dental implants... she's an honor student... she'd probably be better off for loans/grants if I were a single mom
Hmm. School loans are figured
Hmm. School loans are figured very strangely (in my opinion), and the rules are constantly fluctuating. In that light, though, things might be a little different by the time your daughter is ready for college. My mother managed to get me braces and all the retainers/teeth pulling/spacers as a single parent, but I remember her stressing about those bills. She also helped me with college loans, but we didn't have a fund saved up before I began attending school. I am currently paying the remaining balance on my college loans, but it's my responsibility and I think it's certainly made me appreciate it more. You can make these things work for the future. Right now it's probably best for you and your daughter to remove yourselves from this corrosive environment.
First off, it's difficult to
First off, it's difficult to ignore or just leave filth. My DH used to tell me the same thing about cleaning up behind SD "just leave it." Well, I didn't grow up in filth and was about to start accepting it, so I understand why you clean up behind them. If you didn't, it wouldn't get done.
I think the cost and benefit for moving into a better environment are worth gold. You can always replace money. I'd meet with my banker and figure out a way to pull part of the money down. .just to get on your feet.
Once you lose your mental health, it cannot be replaced. If DH refuses to get a plan for these deadbeats to grow up and get out, get out while you have a portion of your right mind and your health. Perhaps if you take action, your DH will know you mean business and make some much needed changes in the household.