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Impossible StepDaughter

james7's picture

Good Morning,

I would be really grateful of any help you guys can provide as im at my wits end!

Its a little "long winded" but i will try and tell the impartial story so an accurate opinion is possible.

Im 35 years old, from London, England and am currently living with my Mexican wife and StepDaughter here in Monterrey, Mexico.

I have known my wife for 5 years, i used to travel a lot with work and we met whilst i was here in Mexico. We stayed boyfriend / girlfriend for 2 years and then i was offered a very good job as Director of a Country Club here in Mexico which i chose to accept. We got married in July 07.

My wife comes from a poor background, has been married before (when she was 18 and is now 35) and has a 16 year old daughter from her 1st marriage. She does work, has her own hair dressing company although this is currently going downhill and not making any money. They have lived all their life in the poor area of Mexico, never had money for vacations / presents / nice things etc.

I am very ambitous and want the best for my wife and her family. Since i have been here, we live in a nice house in the best Area of the City, i brought my wife a brand new Mercedes, Louis Vuitton bags, nice clothes etc and last year she had 6 vacations (inc. 2 with her dauther) all paid for by me because i want the best for her.

In return, i get nothing. Sometimes, a "thank you" but not always. When its my birthday / Christmas i normally get a present but not always. the problem! The StepDaughter barely even says "hello" to me, in the last 2 weeks for example, she has said hello 2 times. At the start, i always used to come in to the house, "hey, how are you?" and she would say "good" "how was your day?" "fine" "what did you do at school?" "nothing"....... you get the picture.

This went on for 2 years, then i gave up and now i say "hi" and thats it as it just makes me stressed and angry.

On February 14th, at 9pm my wife found out she was pregnant with our 1st child! I was delighted, 930pm the same day, the daughter announced she was also pregnant.... i felt like i was in a movie.

Well, for good or bad, the daughter had an termination and my wife is currently 5 months pregnant and (touch wood) all is fine.

My wife defends the daughter to the death, goes against me when im clearly right and will not speak to her daughter to try and bring just a little discipline into the house....she is scared of her own daughter.

So, to conclude. I provide absolutely everything both financially and emotionally, i want the best for them and work 14 hour days to provide them with the best life-style i can. They get everything they want and i like that....but all i expect in return is a "how was your day" or a "thank you" and i get zero and i cant take any more!!! Am i unreasonable????????????????

Guys, if you have got this far, thank-you for reading and your opinion, i assure you, is most appreciated!

Take care, J

james7's picture


Thank you for your reply! To answer your questions, when we are together (alone) we get on very well. However, if i try to talk (sensibly) with my wife, she says im exaggerating and looking for excuses to not like the daughter...either that, or she just refuses to talk about it which leaves me even more frustrated!

Im not un-reasonable, i just want to feel appreciated for what i do for a better future and to feel comfortable in my own home.

What do i do??? Thank you so much for replying. James

james7's picture

Hey! Youre right, you would hope we could co-exist! My wife has always made it clear that the daughter is not part of the marriage, that im not finacially responsible etc etc but its, to be fair, just not like that. Thank you so much for your opinion! Take care, James

oneoffour's picture

Stop making up for the fact that they had a miserable life before you. Life is what it is. You do not need to work your fingers to the bone for ungrateful people. Start saving your money for the future and your retirement.

Women LIKE LV bags and vacations but they can live without them. Try this, the next birthday send a donation equivalent to the normal cost you would spend to a charity your wife or s/daughter would approve of. Then hand the celebration person a card with a note saying you have made a donation to xx chatiry in their name.

Or give them nothing. First of all they have come to expect it and do not appreciate the hard work. And if they ask for something tell them that as they never gave gifts last year you assumed this is what they wanted. No gift giving.

Save your money. With the kind of money you are throwing around you could well retire a few years earlier than planned. Actually that approach may give you some idea what your wife is planning....she gets you in an early retirement or more vacations and you continuing to work.