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I think my SD stole from me

momof5_1969's picture

So this morning I went to put on my expensive perfume before work, and it is missing. I never buy myself things like this, and splurged a while ago and bought this. I keep it in my side table next to my side of the bed. It is now gone. SD no longer lives with us -- none of the skids live with us -- but when they come over for a visit, they usually roam the house. I think it was her.

I haven't talked to DH yet about it because I'm going to go through all of my stuff when I get home from work and double check. I KNOW DH won't confront her or his other daughter about it if it is stolen.

What should I do? I can't lock the bedroom door because we let the dog out of the slider to use the backyard during the day. Plus when she comes by and I'm here, I make sure to see where she is going. My DH does not, however, monitor at all when his kids come over and are wandering the house. I think she came over when I wasn't home.

I'm just incredibly frustrated to say the least, and know that more than likely, nothing will be done about it because my DH wants absolute PROOF. So fine. Anyways -- thanks for listening.

momof5_1969's picture

SD is 19 years old and does not live with us. She lives at my DH's sister's house, which is 5 minutes away from our house. She does not have a key to our house either.

Frustratedlady's picture

I am so sorry this happened to you. I wouldn't put much effort into looking elsewhere. You know where you last had the perfume. You know in your gut. And I can bet money if you address your H about the missing perfume, you will end up fighting with him in the end saying "I will just buy you another bottle". He will totally over look the principle of the matter being that he probably to scared to address the real problem. Not that I am saying not to tell H it's missing. The way I would look at it is,I am getting my expencive perfume back!

My SS stole my mom's wedding band. This one particular item had such deep emotional values attacted to it that I was so heart broken for a long time, still am. This can not be replaced. So I guess I am saying let go of what you can't fix but focus on what you can. Get your perfume replaced one way or another!

zerostepdrama's picture

Ugh having your items stolen are the worse. Have your SO not back you up- now that's like Hell. At least it was for me.

MSD was stealing from me. I think it was AFTER a big fallout we all had but then I thought we were okay. But she was probably stealing before and I just didnt notice.

It was so clear that she was stealing from me. Things only came up missing when she was at the house. It didnt take Sherlock Holmes to figure it out.

Yet DH kept saying it was ME, I had misplaced things, I was wrong, maybe it was someone else?

Um I laid a necklace on the counter, I left for 20 minutes, I come back and you and MSD are here and necklace is now gone.

It wasn't until YSD found a pice of my jewerly and returned it, that it was finally confirmed.

DH even admitted, he thought I was crazy and that MSD wouldn't do that. I think that hurt the most. Especially since he KNEW she had a history of lying and stealing.

MSD would steal makeup, jewerly, UNDERWEAR, clothes- jeans that wouldnt even fit her. It made no sense. She stole my favorite college sweatshirt Sad and my mom's sweatshirt! YEP even stole from my mom.

Bascially that ruined me ever trusting her again. She has probably only been over to the house maybe 6 or 7 times since she was officially busted and I watch her like a hawk. I follow her around the house.

I have locked stuff up or put it away where she wouldnt find it, but really I think she would steal ANYTHING to just piss me off. I would have to hide all the coats in the coat closet. I would have to hide spare tolietries in the linen closet. I have a spare room on our bottom floor that I keep my purses and out of season shoes. Like I would literally have to pack up my whole house.

Sorry you are going through this. I know its very frustrating.

Patsy's picture

Put your valuables in a bag and put it in the laundry room, bet she won't go in there. That is what I did. I had a SD with sticky fingers and put all the things she liked of mine in a tote in the laundry room. Nothing was ever touched again. Then to get the point across put a sign that says shop lifters will be prosecuted in the spot the perfume diapered from.

momof5_1969's picture

Yah, I'm not going to call the police. I think I'll just lock things up that are important to me. It is frustrating, and this isn't the first time she (a 19 year old) has stolen from me. I remember the time she stole my eyeliner from me (expensive of course), and I went into her room and found it on her desk. But SHE didn't do it. So apparently my eyeliner got up and walked into her room!

My DH believed her, even though the evidence was all there. I said "so my eyeliner walked in there on it's own?" Or better yet "I planted it there?" Seriously??

SD said "may God strike me dead if I'm lying!" Wow. And that is what DH relied upon. "Why would she go to that extreme if she didn't do it?" Wow, really? So he didn't believe me and believed her. So yah. He won't be any help.

Lesson learned.

SugarSpice's picture

i would buy another bottle of expensive perfume as bait. make it another brand you enjoy and put it where you usually put it. then install a camera.

i would also lock up anything of value if you have to keep the room open for access for pets.

amgor863's picture

Money had been missing from my wallet for several weeks. Of course DH said I couldn't prove anything, so nothing could be done. Then one day, my SS stopped by the house (he lives with us full time, but is not home alot.) and told me he needed to grab something in his bedroom. I had a bad feeling and followed him. Low and behold I caught him in my handbag stealing. Of course, I grounded that punk and told DH I won't tolerate stealing (I suspect SD has also stolen from me). This kid had been stealing from his siblings for years. DH solution - get them lockboxes... No consequences for the punk. I now have to hide my handbag or keep it with me at all times. I warned DH if any of my jewelry goes missing, there will be serious trouble. I just want to thank you guys for the Nanny cam suggestion. I am definitely getting one and installing it in the bedroom. Next time, I will report it to the police. That kid is already on probation for beating up his GF... It never ends. : (

Rags's picture

You had the opportunity to take this POS chess piece completely off of the board. If he was on probation this would have put him in where he belongs for an extended period.

Next time, call 911 and let him cry in jail.

MamaFox's picture

Wow, I hate to think my SSs would steal from me, but I do have a suite of Tiffany jewelry that I would just be...extremely sad if it went away. I think I'll ask for an armoire or build myself one for Xmas.

Miss T's picture

Buy some potassium permanganate powder. The online retailer we all know and love sells it as "Stain Theft Protection Powder." Being careful not to get any on yourself, apply it to the irresistible new bottle of perfume you'll be buying and prominently displaying. Stand back and watch the fun as both SD and daddee attempt to absorb the lesson they so clearly need to learn.

The cam suggestion is excellent if you are trying to protect valuables. Might be worthwhile to find out if cam footage is admissible as evidence in the jurisdiction where you live, or at least if such evidence would get the police interested.

Sigh's picture

and had been for years. I didn't know what to do about it. We weren't even living together at the time. I would stay occasionally on the weekends and every time money would go missing from my wallet. I mentioned it to him after a few times and his response was always the same "your pocketbook is a mess you probably lost it when you pulled something out of your wallet'. So, I let it go...shame on me. 

I moved in with him and started to notice that my change bank was being tapped...again, money missing from my wallet. I casually mention it to him. I had no proof and I didn't know how to tell the man I loved that his daughter was a thief. It was at this point that I began suspecting that her "casual" drug use was not so "casual". I brought this to his attention as well.

In the typical fashion of a Disney dad he turned the other way.

I needed to catch her in the act...so, I set her up.

I left money on his nightstand and made a point of telling him that I left it there for him in front of her. He went up to the bedroom a little bit later and saw that it was there. within 1 hour it was gone and she was out partying. He had no choice but to confront her. It was the beginning of a 3 year nightmare.

We subsequently found out she had also been stealing jewelry from me that I no longer wore. The one that hurt the most was a ring that belonged to my Mom who had passed away during that time frame. She was confronted with the pawn tickets and could no longer deny what she was doing.

I gave him an ultimatum...either she left or I did.

She was asked to leave...turns out she was a junkie. She lived basically on the streets for awhile before getting help. She's sober now for 5 years and doing well...I still don't trust her nor do I like her. I don't think I ever will.

She caused a lot of pain to a lot of people and now is celebrated as the "princess of recovery'...whatever.

Rags's picture

Webcams and have her arrested.  End of problem. She can deal with the courts. She is an adult. She needs to feel the full consequences and pain of her decisions.

Bare her ass, broadcast her crap, rub her nose in the stench of her toxic crap and let everyone in the family and community know about her crap.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Siemprematahari's picture

You may not have any proof but God help me if I were alone with her I'd whisper in her ear that if anything else goes missing of mine that she'd pay dearly for it. I'd let her know that you are on to her. Your H wants "proof" when she's already shown she steals so what else does he want? Her caught on camera.....

 

SugarSpice's picture

when the sds were all small dh let them use the bathroom in the master bedroom.  they were old enough to know when they wanted to go and the younger one insisted that she had to go badly. dh let her use our bathroom. 

i noticed one of my gold earrings had disappeared that evening.  i found just one of them and i know where I leave my earrings when i take them off.  i knew sd had done something with it. 

i brought it up to dh and he said i must have misplaced it.  one earring?  seriously?  he got down on his hands and knees in the bathroom to look over every inch of the floor and counter of course with sd watching all of this.  ten whole minutes of watching her father with his backside in the air.  finally he confronted her about it and she burst into tears.

i was thinking if you believed me at first like a husband should a wife we would not have had to go through this production.

my own dh took the word of his d over his wife.  so typical.

then there was the time the skids stole money from a baby sitter.  dh chose not to do anything because it was during their visitation and he did not want to punish them.  disney dad all the way.

notasm3's picture

Dh’s son (32 - a grown man and father) and his GF ( aka Baby Momma) moved into our home while we were on vacation because we had not locked the door from the garage to the house and he had the garage code.  They slept in our bed, ransacked the house and stole $100s of dollars of liquor and other stuff. 

I have never felt so violated in my life.  Their reaction “I just needed to get over it”.   I told DH to KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME!!!  And he has.

it’s been 2 1/2 years.  There is NOTHING they could ever do to gain entry back into my life and home.  I some ways they did me a favor - as their transgressions were so egregious that I NEVER have to even think about seeing them again. 

piegirl's picture

I am sitting here reading this with my mouth literally hanging open - to say I am dumbfounded at this type of horrendous behaviour from a grown man would be an understatement!!! Wow, just wow....