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I now know the truth and I am done with ss

carlazep's picture

I have had two weeks to sit on this and I don’t think I will ever stop being angry.

ss came to our house on another unannounced visit two weeks ago. My husband was grilling outside so he just added another two burgers for ss to eat. I was fuming. My husband acts like everything is ok even when I told him many times I do want to be around ss.

I was about to go lock myself in my bedroom when I don’t know what came over me but I asked ss how he could be so cruel.

You know what the asshole said to me? That he didn’t think it would get so out of control and he just wanted to get his college money. I am convinced he is a sociopath. I went upstairs, got my phone and put it on record and put it in my pocket and walked back down. I asked why he felt he had lie about such a terrible, terrible thing. He just said, I can see your phone.

I feel so helpless. I haven’t told anyone. I don’t think anyone will believe me. My husband has just started recovering from the situation and I don’t know if I should tell him.

I think I am actually depressed. I spend almost every day crying at least once. I never thought I would hate a person so much. The next time he visits unannounced, I am leaving the house entirely. He is dead to me.

My poor father. I did this to him by marrying my husband. I will never forgive myself.

CLove's picture

OMG. So nothing has really changed in the past 6 months, other than the brat wants more money. So he can go on living his life, basically guilt-free, and become a success and live a happy life. Geeze.

I also read a comment that I made. My Winona SD-now18, she and I have since been trying to have a clean slate (she comes by the clean slate daily, its her nature, me I have to work on unloading the grudges gradually...) and since your last post, well here is my update:

1. January 1st, after a NYE party whereby Winona SD had made a crappy comment, we apologized and went our separate ways. She proceeded to get caught shoplifting, but was released with a fine of $250, which the parents had to pay. Is not allowed inside any JCPenny for 1 year.
2. A month before graduation, after weeks and weeks of begging to stay with us full time, she STILL has no job, no friends, no activities, no boyfriend, nothing. And somehow manages to get 2 F's, a D, a C and an A+ in math.
3. Still a b!tch to mother and father and mothers boyfriend, Tweedles.
4. A few weeks ago, while arguing with Tweedles and BM, she tried to record her mother, who was drinking, and ended up getting choked and slapped and body slammed by her own mother. So she has gotten her wish and is staying with us full-time until graduation.
5. Just recently she accused Tweedle of being "creepy" and standing over her when she woke up from a nap.
Its the same old same old with her, nothing has really gotten better, except since disengagement, Ive been a lot happier, get along better with Winona, and no more arguments with SO about Winona. And I don't really argue about skids not helping anymore, its on him when Munchkin is with us.

Many hugs and blessings to you - I hope you are able to be more financially independent and seek counseling now.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Did your husband hear him say he made it all up for the college money?

Carla, this situation is very, very bad. You may very well have to leave your husband in order to save yourself. I know you haven't wanted to but married and dead/comatose/sobbing is not better than single alive/calm/healthy.

There is a better way to live. There really is. You cannot live forever under a system where you and yours are constantly under attack. We aren't built to survive that indefinitely. We lose our minds.

Please, save yourself.

carlazep's picture

No, my husband did not hear. I know what you mean. But I love my husband and completely broke because of ss's lies. I would be lost without my husband.

ChiefGrownup's picture

You aren't exactly "found" now. You are broken down with grief, rage, despair, regret, depression. And the source of this misery waltzes into your home and your bank account at will. You have no way to keep this evil one out of your life. He will drop in for hamburgers or cruises or accusations any time he feels like it.

For some reason your dh is under tremendous pressure from his parents and sibs to cater to this monster and he does so, writing checks, flipping burgers, turning on a father in law. The pattern is set. The future is not bright.

This one monstrosity worked so well you know it's only a matter of time before sociopath boy tries it again. Who will be accused next of something heinous? Your dh? You? Your son?

I urge you to see a lawyer and find out what assets you could take with you in a separation. You don't have to divorce. Just get your own place for awhile where you control the visitor's list. With that kind of space and clarity you can begin to see what to do next. You need to feel safe before you can get yourself together and you will never feel safe in a house where this monster is always welcome to come in and disrupt in new and inventive ways.

Your own son fled your home rather than be in the same room with this villain. How much more lost can you already be?

carlazep's picture

Yes, this is that situation.

Thank you for being so nice. I can't shake the guilt.

My ss is definitely a sociopath. I wouldn't be surprised if he becomes a serial killer at this point. My blood boils just thinking of him.

sandye21's picture

Carla, I agree with Anotherstep - this is NOT your fault. Is your DH aware that SS made the accusation up of your Father molesting him? If so, your DH should show some respect to you by seeing his sociopathic son elsewhere than your home. I think this situation is so emotionally damaging to you that it requires some sort of effort from your DH to achieve a satisfactory resolution for you to go on in the marriage. If he can not agree to this, start saving up for a possible exit plan. Perhaps a temporary separation would allow you some 'quiet time' to examine your options.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Here's another truth you must now know ...

Your DH will never willingly cut ties with his son or sever their relationship. Ever. He's already proven that.

So you are left with the following choices:

Get counseling for yourself to psychologically learn how to deal with this situation, and realize that your DH's son is never going away and you will have to deal with him for the rest of your life.

Get counseling for yourself to learn how to sever ties with this abominable situation you are in, and realize your own basic survival is more important than your marriage.

I wish you well.

Stepped in what momma's picture

I would have to tell my SO how I felt about his son nd part of that would include me not dealing with SS at our home, this would mean that SO would be told that SS isn't coming over anymore. I won't tolerate toxic people in my life and I don't care who brings them with them. If my SO didn't agree with his son not coming over anymore then SO would need to go too.

smomofone's picture

I am sorry you have endured this. With all that he has said and done I would be telling my SO I never want this person in my home or presence ever again and if that meant separating than so be it.

I agree you need some counseling and to re-evaluate your life. Sometimes saving a marriage isn't worth your own sanity.

still learning's picture

What a despicable waste of space your ss is. I'm so sorry you and your family have gone through so much at the hands of a lying sociopath. No advice, (((just hugs)))