I need major help! Please give me advice.
I'll try to make this short. My oldest stepdaughter won't forgive me. She is now 20 years old and I married her dad when she was 9. Her and I were extremely close. She looked at me as one of her best friends. Her dad and I divorced about 3 years ago. I filed but with good reason. For the first 2-3 months, I backed off from all of them. I just wanted to move forward I guess plus I was suffering from severe depression and barely spoke to anyone. It was the worst time of my life. After the 3 months, I was part of their lives again. i did things with all of them and was kind and caring. I was in denial thinking everything was ok I could tell Alex wasn't the same but I just hoped it would get better. I guess I should add she is extremely manipulative and a compulsive liar. Anyway, I remarried her dad in June. She didn't react very well but still showed up to be a bridesmaid. About a week ago I was helping my other daughter to move in for college. Alex showed up and wouldn't really speak to me. She was across the street and ignored me until I called her over and asked for a hug. The fact she ignored me broke my heart. I cried for 3 days. It's been bothering me ever since. I cried for 3 days. In the same week she asked me to help with tuition so i gave her 1000.00 which paid half of her school. Saturday night I called her and she told me I screwed her and her dad over by getting a divorce. She says she can't trust me again. I literally begged her for forgiveness and cried on the phone. I told her I made mistakes during that time and I'm human and messed up. Important note: during the time of the divorce she said she felt like the middle man between me and her dad. The biggest stupidest mistake was telling her I went on a date. This was months after our divorce. She went back and told her dad i was talking to a guy and I totally own up to my mistake. I don't have my own children so I truly didn't know how to really parent especially be a step parent.
She is so hurt and I don't know how to fix it. She is the type to really not completely forgive and if you make a mistake, she cuts you off.
I want everyone to know I completely own up to my mistakes but I want to also state that other than that, I was an amazing stepmom. I really took care of them like they were my own when they came down. So...now I'm heartbroken. I keep reaching out but I know things won't ever be the same. I know how she is. my husband and her have a bad relationship right now. It's not because of me. She pretty much stole money from him( he gave her money for her rent in college and she never paid it. We still don't know where the 4000.00 went). I just can't keep getting my heart broken. People tell me..don't give up, don't give up but I keep getting hurt. I just don't know what to do. Please help. I feel like she will talk to me when she needs money but rarely any other time. I give her money because I care about her and want to help her. I know deep down she doesn't appreciate it. I have nO family other than them. My mom was murdered when I was younger so I'll admit, I suffer from severe depression.