I knew it would happen..
So I lost my husband of 30 years to cancer in November 2019. Since that time, I have heard nothing from the skids. Their half brother who is 15, nothing, no texts, no "hi how are you doing through this crazy virus" nothing, not a peep.
While, not unexpected, it is kind of sad in a way. I should feel relieved but I feel a little sorry for my son who now does not even have a relationship with his half siblings. Mind you, they are all in their 40s and I don't feel like it is my job or his job at 15 to manage that relationship.
Anyway, fast forward to Monday. I get a text from the youngest skid (39) who was checking in on us. I was surprised by weary because I am thinking, why now?
Yesterday, the bomb dropped, he wants a copy of my husbands will and death certificate. Then he went on about a life insurance policy that apparently my husband said would be divided up among the three of them. I was floored but not surprised, after all my husband was the wallet for them their whole lives.
First of all, we had a will, everything was left to me and then if I pass and he pass, everything gets divided up among all of them (I am seriously now going to change this and loop them out, I am so angry). Second, the life insurance policy was small, it auto renewed after 20 years and was reduced by a third of the original value. By the time I got it (it was in my name, not theirs) and used it to pay everything off, there was hardly anything left.
So, now, I am thinking, what the hell do they want from me? What do I owe them? My husband bailed them out so many times in their lives, he gave so much. We met, we had nothing, we accumulated things together, yet these grubby assholes are waiting for more money??? I don't get it.
Oh and the Skid kept saying "we" so my guess is he was the spokesperson for the other two. When I did not give them the response they wanted (just said there is nothing there) the oldest skid (43) started texting my brother in law to ask me to give them the will.
It never ends
I'm so sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry for your loss. {{{hugs}}}
You owe skids nothing. You don't have to give them anything. He can request a copy of the death certificate through online sources, and pay for it himself.
I expect my experience to be the same if my DH dies before I do. Too bad for skids.
Its sad because it does not
Its sad because it does not seem how many years you spend with a person either, 30 years and I was still "dads wife." Never even took a picture with me in it.
We did a lot for them, then my husband did more. It got to the point where we would argue because I would say, you are not helping them.
Yea, just make sure you have all your ducks in a row. Nobody ever wants to think about this stuff, but it happens. I never thought I would be alone again, but here I am. Crazy
I read your other post about
I read your other post about your three entitled stepkids. For a moment I thought they were actual kids based on the description of their behaviour. The incidences you've described is pretty much what I expect in my future. And knowing that it will happen, the only thing I can do is protect myself and make our wills and insurance policies as watertight as possible. It won't change the fact that after DH passes SD will surely come knocking and enquiring about the same thing as your skids. I'll probably ignore her just to rile her up - but that's my vindictive side rearing up trying to get even. Up to you if you ignore yours or just hand them a copy of the will and tell them to get stuffed. You don't owe them anything. Do whatever makes you feel better. My deepest sympathy for your loss.
Thank you
You would think they would accept me after 30 years but I don't think they ever liked me. I think the problem is serious entitlement issues. Its funny, I used to belong to this FB group called The Moneyist just prior to my husbands passing and was floored by how many posts there were by stepkids complaining that the "evil stepmom took my inheritance." I had to get out of that group, but it did make me realize how important it is to have a will.
Why do stepkids feel as though they are owed something? Why does anybody feel as though they are owed something? I never got that mentality. I could see if my husband had some wealth before he met me and wanted to give that to his kids, have at it, but we both literally were scraping pennies together when we met.
I hate to say this but I think she has some serious issues that run far deeper, like resentment, jealousy, who knows. Its pathetic and sad.
I would love to know if any
I would love to know if any of those poor stepkids with their stolen inheritances ever spent any real time with their ailing parent prior to them passing away or just showed up after the funeral. Surely if they were in contact matters like wills and inheritances would have been discussed in detail. Every time I renew my will I also let my beneficiaries know. Anyone that is set to inherit anything knows exactly what's coming their way and who gets what. They're all ok and on board with the division. Anyone not ok with it isn't mentioned in my will and therefore not my problem.
I know a lot of my SD's entitlement issues stem from the bitter BM. She's got a huge "you owe us" mentality. But it's not just BM. Part of it is also my DH giving her free passes and enabling her behaviour by blaming 100% of it on BM. There has to be a point where we need to stop saying "she's only turned out that way because of her mother" and just accept "she's turned out that way" full stop. Sure an upbringing contributes a lot to a person's personality but what about gaining perspective as you go out into the world as an adult?! It's a cop out to excuse bad behaviour to a childhood when that was such a short period in a lifetime compared to the rest of it. But we both know that's not the way some people think - hence the enless entitlement, resentment and jealousy issues that will never resolve.
You know for 30 years we
You know for 30 years we lived in one state and they lived in another. They never came out unless we paid for a plane ticket. When he got sick, they did come out, but she also caused a lot of drama with the doctors, staff, etc, to the point where they had to put notes in my husbands file about her drama. They left and then we did not see them for 6 months until I told them, this is it. My sister in law, whose mom passed away from the same kind of cancer called and talked to her several times saying, you should spend more time with your dad, he is not going to be around long.
That went in one ear and out the next, squirreling up a few hundred bucks for a plane ticket was always drama. So they finally came back out and within a week he was in hospice. Then of course they were shocked, like hospice was killing him (more drama). His other son kept telling the nurses to take him off the morphine so he could talk to him. I said no, leave him be, he is in pain.
They all had plenty of time to talk, visit, see their dad, but it was never a priority. After he passed all of a sudden it was a huge shock. When my husband was first diagnosed, I knew what the outcome was, I had lost my job and just decided instead of looking for work to just be his caregiver. I spent 9 months doing everything for him and with him. I have no regrets. You would think they would even think of that, how much time I spent taking care of their dad? No, for her it was always looking at what I was not doing correctly.
Self involved and entitled
I am so sorry for your loss!!
I am so sorry for your loss!! I hate when ppl die the vultures come out. Just take care of you n your son...no guilt! If sks harass you get restraining orders on them. Ignore them, go no contact. You have to protect yourself as you are grieving right now...them harassing you about money right now shows how little they care that you are hurting right now, and shows how they think of their das as an atm machine only. Learn how to treat narcissists. You gray rock them ...no emotion, talk to them like you would a rabid dog...firm and non emotional voice.
Or ignore them completely. For your own peace. Or only communicate via text message so if they get rude you can just hit delete. If they don't leave you alone, start saving and copying and printing off those texts for court in the future. You don't actually have to go to court but telling skids you are saving every communication just in case might make them shut up n leave you alone.
Dont allow them to "punish" you...you don't ever have to have them in your life.
Good book : Toxic People
Good luck to you...I pray you and your son heal and can move forward in peace!!
I'm the same. I don't expect
I'm the same. I don't expect a dime from my parents when they pass. They took good care of me financially even into early adulthood while I was in college. My father is remarried and if he decides to leave eveything to his wife that is his decision. It's not my business. The entitlement mentality so many people have is just disgusting honestly.
Sorry
First of all, I'm sorry to hear of your husband's death. I read your last blog where he got the terminal diagnosis. At least that gave you both time to take care of estate matters.
The sharks, oops, SKs, smell blood, ie money. I would ignore them, that's what they've done to you. I don't think you owe them anything. If they really want a copy of the death certificate, I believe they can get a copy from the county. If they want some momento of dad's, offer whatever you think is suitable. Im guessing when you offer dad's cufflinks, they will never actually make it over to pick them up.
I'd tell the BILto butt out except if he's the connection to the SKs, you should tell him that it's all gone so he can pass that along and hopefully stop them bothering you. Maybe elaborate on how expensive funerals are. Also mention the momentos to him.
My husband was such a down to
My husband was such a down to earth guy, he did not have cufflinks but while the skids were here just as he went into hospice, I said take what you want. Someone cleared out his closet (all he had was crappy t-shirts) and I noticed that his expensive drill was missing too. I let it go. The youngest skid wanted a gold chain that he had bought him prior and I said, take it. I have no holds on those material items, could care less.
My brother in law was actually floored that she texted him like that. He called and told me. Neither he or my sister in law had heard from her either, nothing, no hi, how are you guys doing, nothing. Then that. I think she is either on something or needs help. She is really starting to write a "I am a desperate wacko" narrative for herself.
BiL
I'm glad to hear your BIL sounds like hes on your side. I'm assuming he was your husband's brother. Another poster suggested telling the lawyer about it, that's a good idea.
Yes, he and my sister in law
Yes, he and my sister in law (his wife) have been my rock. We talk all the time and they are both very supportive. I think in the beginning he had a softspot for his niece too but now he is like, WTH is wrong with her. My sister in law was floored too, thought it was disgusting behavior. She is painting her own narrative this skid and, its ugly.
Also tally up the money you
Also tally up the money you saved by taking care of your dh. Home health agencies charge $25 an hour. Add up all your 24/7 hours. Maybe they can reimburse you for caring for him so they wouldn't have to! (Tongue in cheek)... but the principle is there. You deserve ANY money that is there!
I'm very sorry for your loss.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
As for the death certificate, there's no need for you to provide the skids with one. They can obtain one on their own.
As for the will - has the estate been probated yet? Was an attorney involved in probating the estate or drawing up the will? If so, I would put a call in to that attorney and get some advice. There is no requirement that a parent leave anything to his kids in a will, but in some states they may need to be specifically excluded. Hopefully you're in a state where that's not an issue.
The will has not been
The will has not been probated, but everything was titled in joint so when it was all said and done there was only one account that was an issue and it was small. I have an appointment with the attorney next Wednesday.
It just floors me, really. It also makes me sad. I read the text she sent my brother in law and it just painted me out to be this horrible person. I did a lot for them throughout the years. I guess in the end all that matters is money.
Be sure to talk to the
Be sure to talk to the attorney about changing your will to make sure these selfish jerks do not get a red cent of your money. Take care of your son and ignore the skids. I wish you peace.
So she doesn't appreciate how
So she doesn't appreciate how you took care of him when he was sick and dying. She has no empathy. Not healthy for you to be in contact with her. She may pull some emergency if you ignore her so be prepared...it's what they do...
No doubt if op questions her about that she would claim
its op bloody job to care to her dying dad but its her right to get her share of inheritance ($$$ are all they see!!)
Please keep us updated
Please let us know what happens. I am going to have the exact same situation.
I will, I looked over the
I will, I looked over the will and its basically a nothing burger, but I want to wait to talk to the lawyer before I hand anything over to them. Also, my will was identical to my husbands, I may leave it or change it, have not decided. Friends and family say leave them nothing, change it, but I think what difference does it make? If these losers want to wait until I die to get money, have at it.
Personally I wouldn't reward
Personally I wouldn't reward them.
Don't do that to your own
Don't do that to your own child.
My nearly life long BFF is the youngest of 9 kids and was the executor of his parents estate. His dad told him that was because he is the only one that gets along with everyone else.
Over the years his parents had gifted him many of the family heirlooms. When his dad passed the surprising thing was that his wealthiest brother was the one who caused the grief. My wife and I are close friends with that brother and his wife.
We were shocked when my BFF told us of the drama.
Fortunately the Will was air tight and my BFF could shut down his PITA brother before relationships were ruined.
My BFF was here last week for his niece's wedding. The niece is the daughter of the brother that caused the issues. He stayed with us after the wedding.
Even quality people can show toxicity upon the demise of a loved one when they smell blood in the water.
Lock your estate down with an air tight Will so your son won't have to deal with DH's elder children.
My condolences on the loss of your DH.
I'm so very sorry for your
I'm so very sorry for your loss. What a year it's been for you! I hope you're focusing on the needs of yourself and your son, and practicing self care. You must be emotionally and physically exhausted.
What you're going through with your H's adult children is every SM's nightmare. I dread what will happen if my H predeceases me, which is likely.
Thank you,
Thank you,
Yes, it was rough. I feel like I am finally coming up for air. First my husband, than this virus. But, I have been keeping busy, back in school and trying to fix my house up.
Honestly, when I did not hear from them, I was not surprised, but for the first time in 30 years I was relieved. I was always forced to deal with their drama and dysfunction because I was married into it, now I am free. That was the only real positive to all of this. So imagine my surprise when they are contacting me again, and not because they want a connection with their brother or myself, just because they are looking for money.
It made me sick to my stomach, but then again, why would I expect any different?
I'm sorry you are dealing
I'm sorry you are dealing with this after the loss of your husband. Unfortunately, him being the wallet during his lifetime left them with the entitlement that he would continue that after death.
I admittedly know nothing about this, but you aren't obligated to give them a copy of the will, are you? Can't they get that information through whoever is dealing with it now?
I wouldn't do bupkis for them, personally. I'd tell them to pound sand and don't ever contact me again. And tell your son that you are sorry he got short-changed in the half-sibling department, he is free to handle those relationships however he pleases once he's 18.
Yes, he and the ex enabled
Yes, he and the ex enabled this behavior for years. This constant stream of economic outpatient care. The ex would just guilt trip him, but he also felt guilty and the kids played on that. Once I read a text she sent him and I thought, wow, another guilt trip text. She was always doing that with him because it worked. Very manipulative, all of them.
He was a good guy, he deserved better. He was not a great parent but he loved his kids. They were shitty kids, really. I hate saying that, but its true.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I think the only thing I would respond to those jerks is- It is a good thing your father isn't here to see the attempt at a money grab one last time intead of being concerned for his wife of 30 years and your younger brother who is still a minor. You are all pathetic.
My sympathies on your loss.
Like others have said, I think many of us will wind up in a similar situation to yours.
When you speak with the attorney, I am sure/hopeful they will tell you that you do not owe these skids anything. IMO, they don't even deserve a response from you. If they want any documents that are legally/publicly available, then let them get those documents on their own through the established process. Any documents that ARE NOT available, then let them hire their own attorney and seek it. In the meantime, I wouldn't waste a second of my time being their free administrative staff and giving them documents so they can potentially use it AGAINST you.
I'd also suggest your change your own will ASAP and set up a solid trust to take care of your son. He still has a long way to go until he is an established adult, so take care of his needs first. The middle-aged skids can pound sand.
Again, I am sorry for your loss and for this sickening skid intrusion into your life.
I would respond back
I will have my attorney contact you. Then when you meet with the attorney, have the attorney draft a letter to the leeches, I mean skids, on where they can obtain a copy of the death certificate and that all monies and properties were owned jointly and all known insurance policies have been dispursed according the beneficiares listed on the policies. Also, any other inquiries regarding the estate can be sent to the attorney. It may cost you little bit for the attorney to handle the letter and iquires by the skid leeches but it will take the burden off you.
I used to hate dealing with estates because death and potential "free" money brought out the worst in people. The only thing second to it was divorce.
^^^THIS^^^
It sounds as if these failed adults already received their inheritance while their father was alive.
Lawyer up. It will give you peace, and that is priceless, especially when you're grieving.
I recently had to take care of some business with my siblings. They are bottom feeders, and we have been estranged for decades. While I could have handled it myself, routing all communication through my attorney protected me from their toxicity, and it was so worth it.
Your DH's adult kids have shown you that you and your son mean nothing to them, so believe them. Making them part of the past will make it easier for you to move forward. (((hugs)))
Thank you. I know, I think
Thank you. I know, I think that is really the sad part, they have done nothing to have a relationship with their brother. Since he is 15, its kind of weird, I think he realizes they are losers anyway.
I was executor of my moms estate, so I had first hand knowledge of what you talk about. Prior to taking on executorship, my sister and brother in law helped themselves to almost 80k from my moms account. This was 5 years ago. We have just started to rebuild on our relationship, my sister and I, but the trust is gone forever. Her husband is disgusting and I want nothing to do with him.
Its crazy what money does to people. Everyone thinks they are owed something, newsflash, ya, no
I agree
I recently went through a will distribution problem with my Sister who was the executor of my Mother's will. I was a beneficiary. Won't go into detail, but my Sister moved and then refused to contact me - a red flag for fraud. I obtained a lawyer. It made a big difference.and was worth every cent. If your skids contact you at all, tell them you are unable to discuss the will with them and to contact your lawyer. The end.
Momofoneboy, your post is heartbreaking but not surprising for
These leeches we call skidults!!!
my sd’s cut off contact with their dad 5.5 yrs and barely maintain any contact, twice in 1.5 yrs they asked hubby on command from bio mum about the home they live in rent free, utilities free because hubby took out a loan to buy it.
after the divorce bio mum had to play the poor pity me party and for maximum effect moved in to her dads 2 bedroom home where she and sd14, ss12 and sd4 shared a room.
hubby felt bad and bought a house so skids could have privacy because they went from each having their own room to nothing!!
they kept asking him who’s name house is in because apparently it might be in their mums name and it needs to be transferred into 3 skids names pronto because hubby owes her...
wanna know the more ridiculous thing?? My husband bought his home after the divorce was finalised!! Its his asset!! Exwife did not sign any purchase agreement so why the hell would any property of hubbys be in her name??
then came sd’s guilting hubby for marrying me, the crocodile tears hubby abandoned them for me and our 2 young kids who are currently 3 & 4.5. Ss22 also last year threatened to run away from home when hubby told him to be respectful towards us and stop shunning us and not acknowledging us.
He told hubby to choose between me and our 2 kids vs him.
i told hubby i had enough and would no longer remain in this toxic home environment so he had 2 choices, kick skidult from home or buy a new home for us.
I told hubby he needed to protect me and our 2 kids immediately from skids and exwife because i would not remain in this marriage without assurance that we were financially protected!! I was not gonna be told to suck it up when hubby dies and be thrown on the street whilst skids hoarded his estate and i be stuck with raising 2 young children on my own whilst exwife has not had a job for 26+ years!!
i told hubby he could look for wife # 3 if he was more concerned pandering to skids and making exwife comfy instead of the 2 minor kids he has with me. His youngest with exwife is 14 and perfectly capable of getting a casual or part time job now and she is the only child of exwife hubby still has responsibilities for...
i reminded my husband that cs for our kids comes before skidults or exwife wants!!! Hubby giving an excuse to court that he cannot afford cs because he pays allowance to skidults etc would be laughed at in court.
november last yr we bought a home in my country. Hubby moved a large chunk of his savings to buy it and put it in my name. Whilst he denies it, he knows bloody well skids are not to be trusted and if hubby died and had his retirement willed to me solely because at that point all skids would be adults already, skids and exwife would take me to court to claim their share
i told hubby i would not remain in a marriage where hubby would not make things black and white now!! I would not remain in a marriage where the option of me being taken to court to prevent hubbys willed estate to me and out little ones was still there
i remember quite a few members here claimed i was selfish, that skids had a right to hubbys estate and inheritance is never fair etc...
in hubbys mind, skids have benefited from his wealth more than our kids as they are much older. Our kids are yet to start lrimary school or go to university (eldest 2 skids have completed university and youngest sd will start uni in a few yrs).
hubby protected us to ensure that money was aside to allow our 2 kids have the opportunity for a quality education. His retirement money and life insurance policy is solely willed to me because i have 2 young kids.
skids do not know this but hubby has created a savings acct for each of them (has about $60,000 each), that is all hubby will will to them or gift to them. Current properties etc there is no will. It will be split according to the laws of his country where sons get double what the daughters or wife gets.
hubby will have a decent retirement savings to compensate for the property issue. Unfortunately as i am a foreigner, I cannot be a co-owner of hubbys properties even though 3 of them were purchased before he married me but the biggest property he only started building after meeting me and when we were engaged i was involved with interior design and furniture shopping etc... i cared for that home and the apartment...
skids or exwife can never touch the property in my country, i pre-empted their manouevres to protect myself and my 2 kids against the leeches...
its funny how some stepparents called me selfish that me and sd’s/ss all have our hands in the same pocket of hubbys.
I am his wife, not a lazy skidult failing to launch and wanting hubbys estate when he has responsibilities towards 2 young kids who are incapable of financial independence at their age... only youngest sd remains but even hubby despises her because she is like bio mum.
Omg, I am sorry you have to
Omg, I am sorry you have to go through all of this! It does not surprise me, and no, you are not selfish for protecting yourself. Why do adult children sit around and wait for money to drop in their laps? I don't get that entitlement. The sad thing is, everytime they do get something, money, help, whatever, it changes nothing. The financial drama is always part of their narrative.
My poor husband spent years riddled with guilt about how they were raised vs our son. I used to say, let it go, focus on the future, but the skids always played on that guilt. He was always sneaking them money or paying for things, one time he used his credit to get his son a cell phone without telling me. Guess what? The son never paid the bill, it went to collections and ruined his credit!
I said, when this starts effecting our family, it needs to stop. So, I get where you are coming from. You and your children are his priority, not grown ass adult idiots that can't manage their finances out of a paper bag!
I hear you and when eldest sd started harassing daddy to
transfer a home to her and her 2 siblings only because he owed mummy after the divorce when property was purchased after divorce was finalised, i lost it!!
because we had 2 young kids and hubby wanted to transfer his property for free to 3 skids which sets a precedent for the future that other properties are solely willed to them. Nope!! Not when you had 2 you g kids at that time aged 1 & 2.5!!
i saw what was in my future even though hubby was in denial and protected my kids
by the way, my mother passed back in 2015, i was already living overseas and my brother took 20k in her savings and went on a shopping spree
i have a lawyer trying to sell het estate and he managed to get my brother to agree me to being administrator because that property is in the country my husband is from and where i used to live and fly back to regularly.
my brother last year had his wife send a nasty whatsapp message and email to hubbys work that I should get nothing!!! Because my brother has a duty towards his wife’s happiness and should get everything!!
boy did they cop it from my husband and get put in their place!!! Even now my brother tried all sorts of ba delay tactics with the lawyer...
my mum had a stroke whom i cared for, at times quit university and worked part time just to help care for her during rehabilitation.
my brother took advantage of her taking $10,000 from her to help pay for a home deposit and she could stay anytime till he kicked her out at 11pm one evening in the middle of nowhere... because his wife demanded she leave.
now in asian culture, you care for family elders!! Any asian woman marrying a first born son knows this but they kicked mum out to the street. Anytime dad tried to contavt my brother he refused calls or to reply to emails...
eventually my mum called one day a month before i was getting engaged and i took her in with dad. I was still living with my dad in his home but paying 80% of all bills and all groceries. Mum would have been out on the street.
i and dad have been the one caring for her but mostly me and my brother had the nerve to claim its my duty as the daughter!! Seriously wtf?? Where is your duty???
My brother had the nerve to claim an obsolete religious law that he gets 2/3 and me 1/3!!! Nope we are in a western country we are doing it 50-50 or all the crazy shit of you kicking mum out of home is coming out in court!!! Actually have communication from him saying he’d kick mum out of the street anytime
last year dad was rushed to hospital. I had to fly overnight with 2 young kids to visit because my brother was mia... turns out, he was living 10 mins from the hospital..
i hope we can settle mums estate very aoon. Covid has just messed things even more but i want estate sold off by end of next yr.
even my brother caused issues with a potential buyer saying they were not genuine when my brother was being wishy washy and demanding they sign a document with i tention to sell (something he had no authority to do as he isn’t administrator of mums estate)
my lawyer knew my brother ran off with $20,000 from mums estate in my birth country. No way is he being made executor of the estate overseas...
dealing with the crap of my brother msde me see thi gs if skids and protect myself beforehand... no way was i being told to suck it up!!!
exwife no doubr is fuming a whole large chunk of the estate is gone
but here is the thing, financially, skids have benefited far more because they are older. Any responsible parent would not leave it to chance and would actually ensure that younger kids are legally and adequately provided for so they get the same assistance for education and basic living expenses.
if my husband was gonna keep saying suck it up and just deal with my estate after i die, we’d divorce because I don’t live in denial like him about the kids trying to believe the best in them when they are constantly and have always been the worst examply of people... i live in reality here...
I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't add anything new to this other than I have this coming myself. My OSD always talks about what she stands to inherit from her DH's own parents, so I know she is looking at what she thinks she should get from her own dad. BM just bought a house, first time on her own at age 65, with $0 downpayment, so the SD's know they are getting nothing from her.
I have thought about what my response will be when the inevitable comes. They know the name of our law firm so maybe they would just contact them. But if they contact me I think my response will be "why do you think you are entitled to what your father and I built together when I am still alive?" Maybe silence is better. Then if the contact persists I would have my attorney send a cease and desist letter.
I agree with the above that I would not do any free labor for them. Let them go through an attorney to request documents and have to pay for it.
I hate to say it, I think
I hate to say it, I think silence is better. Good luck with everything. It seems to be a common theme with us step parents. Its frustrating and pathetic to have to worry about grown ass adults who can't seem to figure their own lives (and wealth) out.
^^^Good advice^^^
"why do you think you are entitled to what your father and I built together when I am still alive?"
You sound like a lovely
You sound like a lovely person. And I'm so sorry for your loss. It's terrible, but not surprising, that it's time for a money grab. I do hope you will let your attorney handle their inquiries (and further complaints).
My DH has only one investment that will be passed along, and that will go to me because I've done the financial heavy lifting in our relationship and contribute 2/3 of our income now. He has a nice pension and we live well, but nothing else of any value other than our house. Skid squabbling will be over that investment (sure, knock yourself out for as much as it pays) and "stuff." I don't give a damn about stuff, and I don't think his kids really do either, but they'll want a fair distribution, and everyone will have a different definition of what is "fair."
So DH and I have taken pictures of the particular things that we want to go to his kids and mine. Mostly those are things that we each had prior to our marriage. Other than that, assuming DH passes before I do, I'll keep it, sell it, give it away. Nobody comes into my house to grab things. Assuming his kids are not total jerks to me, I will leave them that one investment, but everything else to my kids. I don't care what they do with the stuff.
Their father should have set
Their father should have set them straight on everything before he passed so you wouldn't have to deal with this. I'm sorry that didn't happen. They are big kids and able to procure a death certificate for themselves. It may be wise to have any communication about wills and assets come from your lawyer. They took 9 months time to "check in" on you, feel free to take your time getting back to them.
Thank you
I wanted to thank you all for your kind words and support. Its been a rough year and I am going to try and move forward. I meet with the attorney on Wed and will see what he says. If he thinks we can send copies of will then I am just going to have them go directly through the attorney moving forward.
I also am going to change my will and loop them out. I think this was the straw that broke the camels back. Over dealing with crappy people in my life. I need to focus on myself and my son.
How is all of this going?
How is all of this going? This exact situation is one I dread when it comes time for my sweet husband to pass away. He doesn't coddle his kids at all, but DSD has mentioned what she will do with her "inheritance" a few too many times. Obviously she doesn't realize that the funds her father had before he came into our marriage was spent on her mother in the form of alimony and in paying off her student loans. Her dad is retired, I work full time and I earn a very good living. Fortunately we put everything into a revocable living trust. Not only can they not touch it, they can't even know what is or isn't in it.
Perfect!
Perfect!
SD33 will get nothing
She keeps bringing up what she's getting in her dad's will and now SGS13 is doing it, too. SGS15 asked his grandfather what he was planning on doing with MY car. My car that I bought before we were even married. The car I drive to work. As if his grandfather was going to give him my car.
SD33 probably doesn't know, because it's not her business, that her dad is retired with SS income and a little savings but I cover most of our expenses. We have an age difference so he'll probably pass before I retire so I am funding a 401k for myself and I have enough life insurance to support him comfortably for life in case anything happens to me. Nothing left for her.
LOL. What a not-so-sweet
LOL. What a not-so-sweet surprise your SD is going to get.
I'm also sorry for your and
I'm also sorry for your and your son's loss. :-(. I can imagine how hurt you and your son must feel that your skids/your son's siblings are only interested in the money. Human beings can be very cruel. I'd ignore them all to the max and cling to your own, real family-your side! And cut them all out of anything that may be left! (((Hugs to you and your son.)))