I cannot stand my SD anymore
My SD has always been a problem. She is 18 now but has always been rude, selfish etc... Never says hello, thankyou, bye. Walks in doesn't make eye contact. Very very rude.
Her dad has always been too soft with her. Never reprimands her. She swears at him, calls him names, every other word is the F word but he doesn't say anything. She is a spoilt little brat who always seems to get her own way.
For some unknown reason she doesn't like my son (16)to the point where they don't talk at all. She is always giving him dirty looks but if you ask her why she says no reason, I just don't like him, It creates a nasty atmosphere, my son doesn't speak when she is around but is a totally different person when she is not there.
She has recently left college and thankfully has found a fulltime job. However this means she is now with us all week to get to work. Used to be at a mum's 50% of the time.
She has just told us she is bi-sexual (which isn't a problem) but invites her girlfriend to stay the night often without asking. I like her girl friend. She is nice and polite which makes me wonder what she sees in SD. I would just like to be asked permission. It is my home afterall and I like to relax without visitors.
All hell broke loose last night because we are having family round tomorrow to celebrate my son's birthday and I found out she had invited her girlfriend to the party and to stay the night so basically to be with us all weekend. This means my son won't say a word to anyone and the party is about him afterall.
I am sick and tired of her rudeness, her attitude and frankly I can't stand the sight of her anymore. She is refusing to pay rent although she earns a good wage, her room is a nightmare, never puts anything in the bin. Laziest person I know. She is an adult now and I just want her out.
My relationship with her dad is perfect. My children love him but I fear SD will cause us to split up with her attitude.
My DH is lovely. Problem is
My DH is lovely. Problem is that he is too nice. To everyone. Would go out of his way to help anybody. Only SD takes it for granted and is never grateful. I keep on telling him that he isn't helping her by doing everything for her. She needs to learn. She needs to grow up.
I want to scream at her. Tell her what I think of her but I don't want to cause problems between me and DH. So in the 9 years we have been together I have only shouted at her once. I complain to DH about her and tell him to sort it out but nothing changes. No-one is perfect and I am not saying my children are angels but they don't disrespect me the way she does DH and I discipline them.
She used to be at college
She used to be at college with a Saturday job until a few weeks ago when she gave college up. She should have been working but now works somewhere else Monday to Friday so she will be at the party. Difficult to tell her not to attend party because the guests are her blood relatives (grandmother, auntie, cousins etc...). My relatives are all abroad.
Why oh why are you putting
Why oh why are you putting your son in this situation? You're supposed to be his champion. Your DH is not"lovely" he's a wimp who's balls are in his daughters' pocket. And YOUR son is suffering because YOU chose this pantywaist.
It can be very difficult to
It can be very difficult to live with a man who is passive, non-confrontational, goes out of his way to help or sometimes impress people, and is 'lovely'. We can say what we want about them not having back bones or having their balls in our SD's pockets, but the fact of the matter is this: it is an uphill battle when it comes to us spouses or SO's to vie for contention and equality particularly with an adult female SKID in the picture. This is ESPECIALLY the case with these passive men because nothing riles them up, and they make excuses for any and all behavior because it what ? Avoids confrontation...If they deny or refuse to acknowledge that there's an issue with the behavior, then it doesn't exist, and how can we have a discussion about something that doesn't exist ? This is where someone like this needs a ying to his yang; to be the heavy, where he is just not capable of being it himself. It doesn't make him a pussy or a pantywaste in my eyes, even though it is SO frustrating to be with someone like that. In any other circumstance, his passiveness and easygoing nature is a turn-on, so it's not really fair that we pick and choose when we admire or despise his personality just because they don't handle things the way WE would. I am trying to practice what I preach here, because I walk in the same footsteps you do.
"Her dad has always been too soft with her. Never reprimands her. She swears at him, calls him names, every other word is the F word but he doesn't say anything. She is a spoilt little brat who always seems to get her own way"
I don't know about any of you other posters, but if ANYONE talked to my SO like that, I'd be hard pressed to keep my mouth shut in defense and honour of him. That would be the fucken day I'd sit back while my man was being belittled by someone, PARTICULARLY HIS OWN KID.
Enough, be that voice for him. I most sincerely wouldn't be concerned about your 9 year marriage being in jeopardy for doing so.
Just my thoughts....
Preach it, Lolly!!!! I am
Preach it, Lolly!!!!
I am right there with you. I cannot STAND to listen when his kids, esp his oldest, disrespect him.
However, another poster recently said....instead of phrasing it like, "do NOT speak to your father that way", instead phrase it like, "do NOT speak to MY HUSBAND that way."
That avoids the whole "you are picking on my kids" thing. Cuz you would say that regardless of who was talking shit to your hubby, right? Of course!
I thought that was very good advice from the poster, I forget who it was.
It was great advise I got
I respectfully disagree with
I respectfully disagree with the two posts above. Maybe I'm in a different generation (I'm 51), but a MAN should not tolerate his child talking to him that way. Ever. And if you (as the DH in these scenarios) can't pull your head out of your ass long enough to RAISE your kids, you deserve what you get. I'M certainly not going to jump in and be your surrogate for a job that you're failing miserably. Edit: not Mo the two above her.
Definitely think the problem
Definitely think the problem is with her dad, your husband. Why in gods name is he allowing her to have her girlfriend spend the night? Would he do the same if it were a boyfriend? Sounds out of hand.
Yes a man should stand up for
Yes a man should stand up for himself, but once when my SS30 was being a disrespectful shit (but not calling DH names or cussing him out) I jumped all over him without even thinking twice. I believe I did use the words "You will not talk to my husband like that." That was several years ago because I no longer see him at all.
To be honest I don't think I gave DH time to defend himself. And with DH's brother there also I don't know if DH would have ignored it or have gone off on SS way more than I did. SS shut up immediately, and they were all 3 on their way out the door so I don't know what transpired later.
And enoughisenough you posted "Difficult to tell her not to attend party because the guests are her blood relatives (grandmother, auntie, cousins etc...). "
Yes it is DIFFICULT - but it is not IMPOSSIBLE. I am hosting DH's family for Christmas - these are ALL SS's blood relatives. DH wanted to include SS and SS desperately wants to come with his pregnant GF - but I said no. Was it easy? Hell no. But it needed to be done. Just because our DH's can be spineless doesn't mean we have to be also. Sometimes you have to take a little heat to do the right thing.