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I am Going to be Alone for Christmas Day

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

and that's fine with me.  I have planned my day, Church, brunch----ummm Dutch Baby, then talking to DD et. al., bing watching all 8 episoldes of Season 4 of Poldark while doing some rug hooking.  Topped off by watching Call The Midwife Christmas Special on PBS.  If you have not seen that series, it is extremely good and can really touch your heart with very well acted characters.

I digress, it will be strange being all by myself like this after so many years but I think I will manage.

H has asked if he can come over Christmas and I declined.  Too easy to fall back during the holiday season.  Last time I saw H he looked terrible - loosing weight etc.  He wants me back but I am not ready to do that until issues have been resolved.

He is still doing counseling, as am I.  I saw the counselor today and as I talked about things, I told her one thing I absolutely had to have in order for him to come back into my life, is his keeping his Twit, her life drama and trials, etc. OUT OF MY LIFE!  I just can't handle all the carp she brings along with her attitude and snipes etc. at me as well as all I have been through with her before.  Just talking to counselor about her I started bawling and shaking.

The last time I threw H out I would, at his request, pick him up at Twit's and we would go out to a movie, the casino, dinner etc.  This time Twit is not around - not that he wants to go back there - but I realize that by doing that back then only put a bandaid on the problem.

Man, this is tough and I don't know how it is going to turn out.  Counselor is going to put us together for a session next week.  Will see how that goes.

Starlightwest's picture

Good for you - having a plan for the day. Go out for a nice walk, too, if you can. The fresh air will add to your sense of peace and calm being out of all that drama. Smart move in not allowing H to come over. He needs to feel the pinch of what’s going on. Praying counseling is a success for you both and makes things clear for you. Come on the site if you’re feeling lonely. I’m sure some of us will be around and need each other on Christmas Day!

somethingwicked's picture

What a wonderful Christmas present to yourself!

One day at a time ,SDMC..

Christmas is one day..

It may be of great significance and joy and "family "and warm memories etc ~ but when your heart is broken ,your trust shattered by and you feel like you cannot escape the constant betrayal from  the one person who is supposed to be your trusted partner in life then there is no reason to Deck the Halls and all that Jazz.

You enjoy your day  the way that fits you best.Sounds very comfy and just what you need.

NoDrama! 

Smile

Well, except whatever drama on Poldark (Aiden Turner swash buckling about with his shirt off! LOL)

and Call the Midwife.Another great show. "Thebaby is coming! "

LOL

Merry Christmas and  a Happy TwitFree 2019

SacrificialLamb's picture

There are many families that will be together on Christmas day and MISERABLE. Kudos to you on having a plan for how to enjoy your day. I'd rather be alone than with a bunch of wackos.

Is your DH still in an extended stay hotel?

I could deal with Aiden Turner all day.  SomethingWicked has it right.  Or some Colin Firth in Pride and Prejudice. When DH goes a visiting his precious spawn, my Pride and Prejudice DVD's come out. 

When you have therapy, you not only need to address the past issues, but the future ones that will arise should you choose to stay together. Twit knows you are separated. Her holiday season is probably the happiest it has been in years, her daddy is separated from his wife because of HER. How glorious for Twit!!!! But how is your DH going to handle the future? The future IF you choose to get back together? Because if you do, she will ramp it up big time. 

 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

DH and I will be alone together for Christmas, Just he, I, and our healthy boundaries. It's not what I envisioned or what I prefer, but sometimes if you really want peace, you have to make some hard choices.

I'll check in here, and hope you do, too.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

Sending you hugs for a peaceful Christmas day on your own. Like, Exjuliemccoy above, I hope to remember to check-in on Christmas day and say hi to you and others here.

 
I am ahead of you time-wise and when Santa is still busy, I need to remember the kind folks here who have been such a blessing to me in dealing with step-life. .

In advance, merry Christmas and season greetings to you all. *air_kiss*

mapitout's picture

So much encouragement and good advice given here from those who are in the trenches or have been in the trenches.

One thing that stood out to me was Sacrificial Lamb's comment: "When you have therapy, you not only need to address the past issues, but the future ones that will arise should you choose to stay together. Twit knows you are separated. Her holiday season is probably the happiest it has been in years, her daddy is separated from his wife because of HER. How glorious for Twit!!!! But how is your DH going to handle the future? The future IF you choose to get back together? Because if you do, she will ramp it up big time."

I, too, like "Call the Midwife", also, "The Durrells in Corfu", based on the writer, Gerald Durrell's autobiographical trilogy, it's like pablum for the soul, *smile*

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

That is just it, MapitOut, everytime H stepped back or I put the kobash to her craziness, she ramped it up.  Here we move across the country to the SouthWest, and she and her brood actually drove out here, unannounced, and camped out in front of the complex gate!

My goal, if things are to work out, is that kind of carp MUST end.  That is the trap that sucks him back in.

Yes, "The Durrels in Corfu" has also been great.  That one was a sleeper for me.  Didn't think I would like it but found it totally charming.. .

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Yep, I sure can eat one on my own.  Don't need butter just sprinkle, heavily, with powdered sugar.  Ummm.  If I get daring, I will slice some apples to put on one half which is also delicious.

Goodluck's picture

 

May this Christmas give  you much peace.  Merry Christmas Shes Driving Me..

Part of you may be sad and part of you may be relieved. Life is funny like that. .I would imangin there are at least 10 SM on here that wish they could hang with you and watch Poldark. I always feel awful for the younger SM, knowing the endless amount of  drama during the holidays many go thru. I for one went thru it, finally WE couldnt do it anymore. We deserve some peace in our lives at our younger older age. Wink

LOVE Poldark

 My GGGrand parents are from Cornwall.

I will try to pop in here also on Christmas Day.

 

 

 

sandye21's picture

SDM, Hope you have a good time for Christmas!  SOOOO proud of you for staying strong and standing your ground.  It will be interesting to see what the counselor says to DH about his addiction to Twit and her problems. 

We are the same in time now as you are (Nevada) so I will be checking in every so often during Christmas Eve and Christmas day to see how you are doing.  The binge-watching sounds like so much fun.  I told DH I wanted to watch movies all day on Christmas day.  He was VERY agreeable - almost TOO agreeable!  Then he came back with, "No sports on Christmas.  It'll be on New Years"  LOL

still learning's picture

Your single life sounds amazing!  I vote for you to STAY FREE, live apart from DH and have him be the *side piece* to your relationship with yourself and your family.  

DPW's picture

I have had to spend a couple of Christmas' alone in the last five years or so and I didn't mind the day at all. I had plans as well; I even one year bought myself a bunch of gifts that would entertain me the day of Christmas (i.e., newpapers, magazines, arts stuff, etc...) that I wrapped up and opened up by myself throughout the day... lol. Having a plan really paid off for me and will for you as well! I will admit, however, that the only thing that bothered me during those alone Christmases were other people bugging me about being alone and inviting me to their families. I felt like they were pitying me and it was annoying, although I know deep down they cared. 

I will be around Christmas day too as it's just SO and I and we are not doing anything to celebrate. I'm actually working night shifts during the holidays so I'll probably be asleep throughout the day and farting around on ST.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Actually, I don't mind being by myself, but during the holidays and being estranged right now from H make it totally different.

My BFF, who is in Florida also says to call her any time. 

As you say, people meaning well have invited me over but, well, I am just not in the mood for company this season with all that is going on with me.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Call her. A lot. Tell her what she means to you. Do not procrastinate, be too busy etc.

It is incredibly important. I lost my friend and I was too busy and distracted to tell her what she means to me. Now, she’ll never know. That is awful.

 I made damn sure to tell me other friend what he means to me, just in case.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Oh, I do so agree with that, and I do.  Had a similar experience to yours many, many years ago and, well, I can say it changed me a lot in letting people close to me know I love and care about them.

notasm3's picture

Two years ago DH and I were out of town with no family - but we had a great time.  Last year we were supposed to do the same but for some reason that I have now forgotten we didn't go.  We could have gone to his family on Christmas Eve and mine on Christmas day since we were in town.  I love them all, and there is no drama, but we just decided not to do anything.  No special meal.  Really nothing.  And that was okay.

Holidays have not been all that special to me (although they can be enjoyable) since I worked for a horrible company 35 years ago when I was poor and desperate.   We did IT work - but NONE of what I was doing required someone to be there on a holiday like what is normal for police, medical, fire, etc.  It was a control thing.  I was only teaching a class - but had to work Thanksgiving, 4th of July, Memorial Day, etc - every single holiday like it was a normal working day.  (thanks to the disgusting Ross Perot).

So enjoy yourself and your day.  You are loved and respected by many - especially IRL.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Well, it's Christmas.  The morning service was beautiful, my Dutch baby delicious and I just cleaned up and set up my rug hooking frame and ready to bing on Poldark.  Funny, I feel very calm today.  I thought I would feel alone and well, empty, for not having H around but that is not so....I am enjoying the peace of Christmas this year.  Especially NO contact at all from Twit with her drama.

Could it be that I have just dramaed out, so to speak?

I called H yesterday and wished him a Merry Christmas and accepted his offer for lunch tomorrow at a resturants I really like here.  He indicated he has a gift for me, but I didn't get him one because I just couldn't bear going shopping for him, if that makes any sense.  Just as in dealing with Twit, it made me shaky and upset so I didn't do it.  Dare I say, strongly, screw it!

Hope the rest of the day stays this way.

To all of you out there----a Merry and Blessed Christmas.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Glad you are having a good day!  There are many SM's who would like to be doing what you are doing today.

somethingwicked's picture

Dare you say "Screw It "away ,my dear..say it loud and say it often.

You earned it after the nightmare you've had to endure for too many years.

Smile

Glad you are having a great Christmas Day doing and enjoying the things that give you peace and pleasure.

Now let's settle down and watch Poldark! I got the popcorn!

 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

I think PBS charges to watch their shows, now? I don’t get to watch CtM anymore; Netflix yanked it

Can I come hang out? I’ll bring some yarn and some booze and some chocolate. Heck, I can bake. I’m so tired and sad. :/

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Sad I lost a dear friend this year and I’m missing her hard, now. My family are up my @$$ though. I haven’t had meaningful alone time in a very long time and my crafting group disbanded. 

My mom was supposed to call and talk to my kids but didn’t. Probably too busy. MiL ignores them as per usual.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Oh,, I am sorry you are tired and sad.  Holidays do it to us.  And adult steps too.  Take care.  We have cable, no fancy streaming as I  don't have a "smart" tv yet, just an old dumb one.  Chocolate....YES, Chocolate...preferably hot chocolate.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Still doing well.  Talked to my BFF and my DD etc.  All are fine.  It has been so comfy.  Here I live in the SW and have a fireplace that is oh so comforting watching the flames.  Really has been quite relazing and revitalizing.  I love the quiet and calm.  I am thinking that I am enjoying it so much because right now, not having to deal with H and his Twit, I don't feel so stressed out and on guard all the time.  My stomach does not lurch when the phone rings.

Let's see how the rest of the holiday week goes.  If I can get through the holidays fine then I have myself in a very good position to demand the things I require for H and I to get back together.  I just don't need any more drama in my old age.  Don't get me wrong, I love my jusband, I just can't deal with his Twit and when she starts up with him and then goes on to me.

sandye21's picture

Glad to hear you are enjoying the holiday without DH and the effects of Twit.  You wrote that is you can get through the holidays you will be able to demand the things from DH to enable you two to get back together.  DH has a heck of a lot more to lose than you.  When you go out to lunch with DH, if he  even brings up Twit's name please stop him in mid-sentence and inform him that you will not listen to it, and that every time he mentions her name it makes the 'healing process' for you twice as long.  Keep going on this track - you are doing great. (((HUGS)))

somethingwicked's picture

Sandye is thinking way ahead and yes, do not allow DH to start talking about Twit.

I would warn him to avoid THAT subject and  then if he persists collect your things and calmly leave the restaurant.

I wonder if Twitski even bothered to call her father today and wish him any kind of greeting. He probably is feeling so out of sorts without you to take the hit ,absorb the weirdnes and  the dead fish eye  creepy-ness that is all bona fide sociopathic Twit.

yuck.

You don't need the crazy. And if he is intelligent , and still cares about you and your marriage ,he will recognize all that he gains to lose if he cannot separate you from and refuse to ever expose you to the Twit circus of horrors that has been your life (and his although he cannot as yet see it ..but maybe some day)