I Am Feeling Very Upset about What is Going On Though There is Nothing I Can Do About It
Sorry to post this here but I just need to tell someone. Talked to Twit's hubby today, ran into him, and am very upset at what is going on with the Drunkie.
Sadly, I do believe the young man is not going to make it. As I posted before, he has liver damage (DH said it was cirrhosis of the liver but any liver damage is bad). Twit was going to handle it herself and watch his drinking ... yeah, like that can happen.
DH, back on Father's Day told her that Drunkie needed an inpatient rehab, that this was not something she could do herself, but Twit knows it all.
Anyway, as predicted, Drunkie is still drinking and was nonresponsive for 4/5 days in the last two weeks. Twit's hubby says he gets booze that they don't know he has and drinks himself in oblivion until they find his stash.
What disturbed me is his attitude. What can they do, Drunkie is an adult and they have to sleep!
Man, I thought he was much more responsible than that. IMHO, after hearing that the two of them deserve each other.
I burst out crying to DH about this when I got home I was so upset by the seeming lack of concern to get the young man the proper help. DH says it is Twit and she controls what goes on especially with the $$. He said he was long felt this situation with Drunkie was not going to turn out well, especially after those tests showed the damage from alcohol and Twit was going to control his drinking. DH says there is nothing we can do for the young man.
That is one reason he is glad we are moving. He doesn't want to watch this sorry scenario while Twit cries about how hard it is and how stressed out she is, and all she is doing for the Drunkie. Says it hurts like h*ll to even thing about it. He also said, if it comes to that he will never, ever have anything to do with her again.
All I can think of is that
All I can think of is that these were the people that so wanted us to move down here so that they could help us out in our old age. Now knowing what I know how could we have been so damn stupid!
DH said that regardless of the excuses she makes for what she does and how she treats people, she KNOWS what she is doing and she likes it. She tries to cover the meanness by being coy and crying about how much every one demands of her, she is always the put upon person who does no wrong. I wanted to ask him directly if she was a psychopath but figured it was better for him to tell me.
He also figures that all h*ll will break loose when something does happen to Drunkie.
Wow, WOW, WOW! DD is going to be here later tonight and I am so glad. And I am ever so glad that we are getting away from that psycho.
DH also said that he use to be able to handle her, but she has gotten worse over the last few years (boy, don't I know). DHD also said Twit's jubby is a nice guy, but TWIT rules the roost, and make no mistake, if he tries to leave she will take him to the cleaners which was why, when he inherited money from his father a few years back, she made certain her name was put on the account and stocks.
The sad part is that DH has known about her and put me through this. Grrr, grrr, oh h*ll, I am going to say it: What the f*ck!
What a mess, SDM, and I am
What a mess, SDM, and I am certainly sorry that it is culminating in a compromise of Drunkies health. It is also sad that as a SM, most of us don’t need a lot, just the respect of a husband and to feel protected in the relationship, yet when the big picture opens up for all to see the truth, it just brings more resentment because we feel the ultimate betrayal of the fact that yes, they did know what they were doing. Unfortunately, they just don’t know how deep that can cut.
I used to think that surely my DH would understand the hurt I might feel over knowing how much he protected and defended his adult son instead of me, but truly, these men just don’t get it, they only know what they themselves feel, which is unlimited forgiveness and excuses for bad behavior from their kids.
They convey those feelings to us, thinking that we have that same capacity of brushing the effects of bad behavior under the rug. I don’t even believe they mean to do this but it still leaves us to our own devices to sort out the hurt and resentment and put back together the pieces of a broken relationship for which they claim no responsibility.
Assholes.
Hugs to you and hope your move will be soon and I know so much will be better in your life
How true, Wicked, how true. I
How true, Wicked, how true.
I haven't been dealing with anything near a normal person. DH use to always tell me Twit had problems, but he would never say what they were or give any verification when things came up in counseling.
The last year, since I got sick, he really changed. Perhaps because if I am gone he would have t go live with Twit and he has done that for a few months already and couldn't stand it. Twit, IMHO, is incapable of feeling any love, empathy, etc. for any one or anything; even her children.
This may sound strange, because I am not going to get involved, but I do so wish there was something I could do to get the Drunkie away from her influence.
I had a relative die at 30
I had a relative die at 30 from cirrhosis. Very sad. I was very young when this happened but I remember how sad it was for all concerned. A contemporary died two years ago. It's a terrible death.
I'm sorry.
Thanks. It is sad. This one
Thanks. It is sad. This one is about 25+ It is sad.
SMD, This is such sad news.
SMD, This is such sad news. I sincerely hope Drunkie gets help - he needs to realize this himself. He is an adult and has to agree to treatment. Even then, he has to be fully committed to the program or he will be back where he started. There is nothing anyone can do otherwise. It appears Twit's hubby has checked out of the drama to the extent that he no longer cares - and that is tragic. I feel sorry for your DH and how hopeless the whole situation is. Drunkie is in my prayers. (((HUGS)))
Hi Sandye - Yes it is bad
Hi Sandye - Yes it is bad new. And we all know that Drunkie has to take the first step himself, but MaMa Twit seems to be doing everything she can to keep him from actually doing that. I mean the guy doesn't work, so where does he get the money for booze, gas (yes he is back driving...heaven help us all), car insurance, smokes, etc.? Has to be Twit or he is stealing or ???
IMHO Twit needs Drunkie to be Drunkie because then she can wail and carry on about how put upon she is and how Drunkie needs her.
And it does sound like her huby has just checked out. No wonder he hangs out in his man cave and just lets her carry on as she will. He couldn't do anything if he wanted to, but to just stand by and watch....that is what tees me off.
DH knows the situation is hopeless and has now openly come out and said so. I am pizzed that he knew all of this about Twit, that she KNOWS what she does and loves it because that is how she is, and put me through all this suffering.
DD will be here later tonight. She always said the Twit was a psycho and would never change; not a narcissist, not a borderline, but a full loony. One thing DD pointed out to me some time ago is the way Twit treats her dogs. She doesn't get them care when they need it until she is shamed into it. This was about the old dog that was skin and bones and could bearly stand much less walk and DH told her she needed to have the dog put down. DD said Twit would rather just let the dog suffer and die than take the time and spend the $$ to do the right thing. That showed she cared about nothing, no emotion, etc. Her excuse to DH, when he pointed out the condition of the animal was that she didn't notice! I remember how angry DH was about the animal being allowed to get to that state. When it was over she cried to DH about how she missed her poor animal, boo hoo hoo. You get it.
You know, if you look at it, she is doing the same thing with Drunkie. And it is flat out sick. Trust me, you can bet she is getting a lot of attention and sympathy from her pot and pan friends over what she is going through with Drunkie. She use to troll for that kind of attention with me, and when I stopped buying it, with DH.
I am sorry that Twit and
I am sorry that Twit and Drunkie have ruined their lives. I applaud that you and DH are moving and not allowing them to ruin your lives. Stay strong and stay the course together.
Twit is living the consequences of her batshit crazy manipulative crap. I am not usually one to blame a drunks actions on anyone else but.... If I were married to Twit I would be pickling my liver too. But then again... I would not stay married to Twit long enough to let her ply her crap. I learned my lesson on that during my first marriage.
Thanks Rags. I don't care at
Thanks Rags. I don't care at all about Twit having to face consequences for her actions....it is about time. But I do care about grandson Drunkie.
As you know, Twit spent beacoup $$$ and 2 years trying to get Drunkie out of that DUI charge though she did succeed in getting him a light sentence and probation. Since there were no real consequences for Drunkie back then, why the heck should he care. Unless someone intervenes this is not going to have a good ending and it is so sad.
Just talkin here, but what I would do is put it flat out to the Drunkie if he was mine. He either goes into rehab or gets out of the house because I wasn't going to enable his drinking (and you can be certain drugs are involved as well) or watch him destroy himself. That I loved him but I just couldn't live with him like that. Once you remove the cozy place of living, free meals, money, etc. it puts things in a different perspective for the Drunk. But then that is me. Because as long as she coddles him, pretends she is monitoring his drinking (he shouldn't be drinking at all) etc. nothing is going to change.
Remember, with Twit she is smarter and can handle all things better than anyone, or so she thinks.
Only 35 more days to go and I am certainly counting down.
Oh, when I ran into Twit's
Oh, when I ran into Twit's hubby I did ask him how Twit's short term memory problem was doing and how the "treatment" (she was supposedly going in for tests) was doing. }:) He didn't know what I was talking about just mumbled about how stressed out she is getting handling Drunkie.
As I figured, that short term memory loss line was just BS she was feeding DH because she had purposely ignored him on his birthday and then wanted something. As DH says, she is cruel and KNOWS what she is doing. IMHO, some people are just born bad.
I am very sorry to hear this
I am very sorry to hear this bad news about the GS. I hope you and DH won't let this interfere with your new life ahead.
It is good that you are going to stay out of it all. Moving is the best thing; although you, and all of us here, know this is going to be a long, depressing road for GS. It's too bad GS cannot get professional help with his addiction. There are treatments for liver decease and he can live a better quality of life; it is sad GS doesn't research and go into action immediately.
With all of this said, stress can be just as de-habilitating. Stay positive for you and DH. It is out of your control and there is nothing you can say or do to change Twits mind; I wouldn't give her a second thought; she uses all of this for attention and to build the drama.
Thank goodness you are moving away from seeing and hearing about these problems on a daily basis. Not saying, you won't hear about them, hopefully just bits and pieces.
Good luck with your new adventure and move forward, don't look back!
There is nothing you can do,
There is nothing you can do, your gs is an adult and he is being enabled by your sd. The best thing you can do is just let go and live a good life. You deserve it! Do not let your dh try to guilt you into feeling sorry for the pots and pans queen who tries to take as much as she can from anybody with their guard down. Stay far away from anything to do with her.
There are things in life that
There are things in life that we have no control over, SDM.
Each member of Twit's family is sick in their own way, and they are also sick together. Twit and her H brought their sons up in dysfunction, and that's all they know.
Yep, that's what she is doing
Yep, that's what she is doing and the sad thing is her hubby seems to be going along with it. For that I blame him if anything happens. He also drinks and collects various wines, bourbons, whiskey, etc. which makes it easy for Drunkie to get into.
As I have said, she loves the attention she gets by being able to cry and get sympathy because of what she has to deal with regarding the Drunkie. It is all about her.
Ha, ha, ha -- Twit called
Ha, ha, ha -- Twit called today. Seems she has taken a booth to sell pots and pans at our local town festival. She brought her dogs with her and they informed her that they do not allow dogs so she wants DH to go down and get them and she will pick them up later.
How funny, especially because the call went to the answering machine and DH hasn't called her back OR gone to get the dogs. Hey, too bad Twit....handle your own dogs....we do.
So far she has left 2 messages, the second one sounds like she is getting frantic (not a far reach for her) with a triade against the sponsors because they won't let her have the dogs there.
Even DD and her husband had a laugh out of that. They can't believe the chutzpah Twit has.
Us? We all went out for breakfast, and went some where Twit wouldn't see us. The consensus is, DH included, she should handle her own dogs or make arrangements for them.
Honestly, I can hardly believe this. I told DD that next will be the phone calls about how we have to go down and take care of Drunkie because SHE has pots and pans to sell and can't get away. Honestly, she doesn't bother with DH UNLESS she wants something with the she "is too busy" or she has short term memory loss" excuses. DH has her number. As he said, after hearing the 2nd message...."The h*ll with her".
What on Earth made her think
What on Earth made her think it would be okay to take her dogs? At least, find out ahead of time if that was allowed. What a twit!
And why is it her dad's responsibility to go and get them? She just never gives up, does she?
Who knows why Twit thinks
Who knows why Twit thinks like she does. Except that she THINKS she is above everyone. Things should be done as SHE wants. I figure, and it is just my thinking, that she figures if she brought them the sponsors of the venue would make an exception since they were already there.
As for calling DH, well, why not. Heck, it is only about 9 miles back to her place to drop them off at their house but she just might miss selling a pot or pan or, the bonanza, booking a party. AND, from the messages her hubby is there with her so why doesn't he take them back home? Who knows.
DH hasn't even bothered to answer those phone messages from her. As he said earlier....the h*ll with her and all her problems.
Twit shows many narcissistic
Twit shows many narcissistic traits, so she doesn't function the way most folks do. To her, people are merely resources to be tapped. Loyalty and regard are foreign concepts.
Yes Exjulie, you can see it
Yes Exjulie, you can see it in the way Twit talks about people. They are only objects to her.
Here is another example of how she talks weird. She had an elderly neighbor that she was always complaining to DH creeped her out because he was always saying and making sexual remarks to her (so she says) BUT she always invited him to come around (figure that one out).
I guess he past away back in Oct. of last year and when she was telling DH about it in March, she was crying and saying how SHE had lost Art back in October and how upset she was as she started crying about how dear he was to them. I remember thinking, when I saw this how strange it was, how she was looking for sympathy, poor Twit over some guy she claimed made unwanted sexual advances towards her (heck, the guy was in his 90's and on oxygen with a walker).
Now, a normal person would have said something to the effect that Art died in October, or passed, but it is always about how and how upset she was. Twit objectifies people.
Interestingly, she totally ignored her Father on his birthday a month later. Which I know hurt him because he mentioned it. He didn't hear from her until Father's Day with the she has short term memory loss. Yeah, right, what she wanted was good ole Dad to put in doors and windows for her free.
The thing that my DD and my best friend (we go all the way back to 2nd grade), who is a retired profiler for the FBI, is that in some of the things Twit does one gets the feeling that she would go further if she thought she could get away with it. I would not stand near the edge of a cliff or count on her to throw me a life ring if needed. It is a creepy feeling that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Very unsetteling.
Considering what your friend
Considering what your friend said about Twit it will be a big relief when you are in your new house. That's just creepy.
Sandye - yes it is. Thank
Sandye - yes it is. Thank heaven for this site in helping me out. I mean, just think about it. Twit has no friends, her hubby's friends don't want her around, her mother and other siblings want nothing to do with her. She has lived in the same house for since 1998 and only knows 1 of her neighbors and only because she buys pots and pans from her.
The people she considers friends are her "team mates" in selling the stuff.
Her offspring are screwed up and she gets a thrill out of that because it satisfies her needs.
If I get bad vibes you can bet others get bad vibes as well.
I use to think her husband had something going for him, but after what he said about Drunkie etc., h*ll, the two deserve each other. Very miserable, shallow people.
If Drunkie were mine I would certainly not be providing him free room and board, buy him a car, etc. Since he is not working where is he getting the money for his gas, insurance, smokes and BOOZE from? Has to be Twit etc.
I know one can bring a horse to water but you can't make him drink; but I would be laying down the law to Drunkie that IF he wanted to continue his ways he couldn't do it in my house. That I loved him too much to watch him destroy himself. I mean, what incentive does the kid have when all is provided for him. Sad, very sad. But it is not our problem, no matter how badly DH and I feel. AND we are soon going to be gone.
And yes, Sandye, my old
And yes, Sandye, my old friend is correct. Remember when I told you about how Twit stole the referrals from her fellow team mate and then told the team mate that her (the team mate's) son had thrown them in the trash?
Or how she let her other dog run loose even when warned about it. When the dog got shot for running in a pack of dogs (Twit thought this was cute, the dog was out with her friends) then Twit declared war on the farmer who did it. Responsible people who care about their animals don't let them run loose.
Definitely not the kind of person one would give power of attorney for medical issues.
"I cannot stress enough to
"I cannot stress enough to you to LISTEN to your instincts."
That is exactly what my oldest friend told me when I finally told her about Twit. She said she fits several classifications. And, if I feel threatened around her, which I have posted on this board several times that I do, to trust my instincts. She said the Twit is someone who looks and takes opportunities on the sly, preferably, because most like her are cowards.
As they say, the way a person treats their pets and animals tells a lot about them. I and DH have both seen how she treats hers and, as DH say, we would never, ever leave our beloved dog with them now that we have seen it. No, they don't kick or beat them' they are fed, etc.; they just, well, just read what I wrote above about the dogs.
Unfortunately there are some
Unfortunately there are some terrible people in this world. Some of them are youngsters - and most of them grow up to be horrible older folks - often with children who are also not stellar members of society.
Just sad. But not something an outsider can correct.
There are some people that
There are some people that are just born bad. Born with something miswired.
None of us are perfect, but the majority of people are not out to hurt others intentionally.
I so agree with you. You and
I so agree with you. You and are are in the same age bracket so we've seen a lot.
Unfortunately there are some people who had great parents with intact homes who were just born bad. Many people here so want to blame all problems on bad parenting - but I just don't believe that. I've seen too many instances where one child is just born miswired.
Notasm says: "Unfortunately
Notasm says: "Unfortunately there are some people who had great parents with intact homes who were just born bad. Many people here so want to blame all problems on bad parenting - but I just don't believe that. I've seen too many instances where one child is just born miswired"
That is so true. And then there are the children born in some very dysfunctional families that turn out just fine.
And as we get older, we have seen more and more of the human comedy. I am a firm believer of when someone tells you what they are believe them. I can never, ever forget Twit dancing in my driveway proclaiming how she was not normal and never had been. THAT was a weird one, especially in the choice of words. She revealed a lot to me in those words.
And let's not forget the
And let's not forget the jackpot. People born miswired with the added bonus of a dysfunctional family...for example, some alcoholism, anabling guilty daddy, extended family sexual abuse, and the ability to wear pretty effective public masks.
Sounds like a form of
Sounds like a form of Munchausen syndrome.
I agree with sammigirl.
I agree with sammigirl. Sometimes individuals can only feel important if there is constant drama in their lives. They create it and thrive on it.
Agree with both of
Agree with both of you....there is something very wrong in the way Twit deals with her "babies". One reason they have problems is that she doesn't believe they are capable of doing anything correctly. I am sure that has driven lack of self-esteem issues into them.
The only one that MIGHT make it out of Twit's web is the middle one. He spent time in the Marines and even though, when he returned, Momma Twit fluttered to do everything for him even drive to his college to take his packages to the post office. She needs them to all be dependent on her. Sick and sad.
DH says the Drunkie is probably not going to make it as he is still drinking etc; and Twit is playing the ole poor me, look what I deal with, am I the marytre, I'm trying but what can I do game. She loves the attention.
We are both so grateful we are leaving this area in, oh my, early October. It is coming up fast. Meanwhile I am steering clear of the drama and so is DH.
She's a very sick individual
She's a very sick individual and it's a shame she reproduced. Maybe one day her dh will come to his senses and get himself and his addict son out of there.
Well, this is par for the
Well, this is par for the Twit course. She is passively killing her kid. I believe that the only thing left to do for Drunkie is for his parents to facilitate his reaching rock bottom. Time to reky the locks and put him on the street. By housing him, feeding him, etc... they are enabling him to drink. When he is unemployed and sleeping a a gutter somewhere then and only then will he have any chance of starting a recovery. Until he feels the total pain of his choices he will not address his addiction.
In my layman's opinion of course.
Please do not let this break your heart any more than it already has. Take care of you, take care of DH, take care of each other.
Rags, I totally, 100% agree
Rags, I totally, 100% agree with what you said. In fact, DH even told her that awhile back. Twit's response was that she couldn't bear to throw him out and that she could regulate (notice she didn't say stop) Drunkie's drinking. Translation: Twit know best and can handle everything; besides, she doesn't want a lot of outsiders to know what goes on in her house. She just loves to play martyre, look at Twit, what poor Twit has to put up with, etc.
I blame Twit's hubby here because he allows her to do this and doesn't step in. I recall when I asked him once how he responded what can he do, they have to sleep sometime and can't watch him 24/7. IMHO he needs to develop a backbone and stand up to what is going on but I think he mentally checked out of crazy ville a long time ago.