I almost feel sorry for her
So I admit I have been looking at the website of the study abroad program that my dh's daughter is a participant of this semester. I have not laid eyes on her in 4 years..but, I admit I have a strange curiosity in this creature.....a stranger, yet I know intimate details about her..
She clung to my dh in her mid teens........few friends, she was enmeshed with my dh, and became enraged when I came on scene.. No surprise, her mother feuled the fire, and now she is enmeshed with her mother and sisters.
So.. Fascinating to see some pictures and videos of her with her group abroad. My observations? Similar to 4 years ago.....she rarely and barely smiles. Always on the periphery, looking at her cellphone. There was a video where the group was dancing on a river boat ....she was sitting on the sidelines, again looking at her cell phone. Never engaging..
And it seems that every kid has their facebook pic changed to their location.. She still has the same pic........of her mother and sisters..
Do I sound like a stalker? Lol........my job in real life is to examine closely, I am fascinated in understanding people..
Strangely, I think I could have been close to her if she did not have her toxic mother.
Oh well..
No, I think about how she
No, I think about how she threw me and dh under the bus so many times. I have no interest in ever having any interactions with her.. She is a cruel selfish joke of a daughter. So why am I interested in looking? It doesn't bother me that I do. I still think dh is going to have a mess on his hands trying to emancipate her.
But it could have been so different. For her as well.
Well lucky mom it sounds like
Well lucky mom it sounds like you are doing all you can. Don't forget these dysfunctional dances have been going on for years, and are likely two generations already. First the relationship with ex wife, then the children, who likely mirror their mother..
You would think with all the crap that my dh has endured, he would have blocked his ex YEARS ago. Guess again.. Last night he mentions that lately he has not been responding to ex's emails.....which causes my eyebrows to raise........
Last email was to confirm that she was claiming youngest dsughter this year for taxes. Hmmmmmm......this is a woman who for the past several years has only responded to dh with sarcasm and sneering.
And yet dh has not erased her........the only thing I can do is sit back and watch. We can't change our dh's.
I also think that once the
I also think that once the money ends it will be the same. Her thing was not money, but her father's attention. She demands that like money. His last meeting with her she wrote him off because he would not agree to spend Easter with her, or all weekends. She is an emotional vampire, bottomless pit, and he can never satisfy her if someone is in his life. She never ever accepted me and she told me how she had plotted to break up her father's previous relationship. She identifies so strongly with victimization that is why she is abroad and studying poly science.. It is her claim to fame so to speak. Dh says he wants a relationship with all his daughters, but I have told him I will not..
I think they used the courts
I think they used the courts to get back at us, the money didn't cause the resentment.....that was the vehicle they used to wound us. So even once emancipation happens ......it will be the same..
Awesome, I love it! Because
Awesome, I love it! Because this is so true. All about them!
Great quotes stepaside
Great quotes stepaside ....they could do me good also!
I get scared sometimes......I feel like a good portion of my life has been used up already. Most important how I spend the rest of my years. Family is most important and i feel a great sadness that dh has had to endure these past few years. He often mentions the girls, how did so many things with them, that he just wonders on a daily basis how he got to this place. I tell him it was not him, but rather who ge chose yo be the mother of his children. Yes he is culpable, but it is not my place to best him up. Yes I so wish he would not be such a door mat, but I can't change him, only me. Deep breaths, and a glass of wine periodically.
It's just a question of
It's just a question of degree but I've heard it said there are no unwounded children of divorce and I believe it to be true. It would be nice to know how she acted before the divorce was announced but even then children know that trouble is afoot long before then.
Since your professional interest in this girl will forever go unsettled you might as well give up on it or admit your interest is more than professional.
Look up hipster (think
Look up hipster (think Kristen Stewart in Twilight). My steps are somewhat the same way (though not morose). It's hard to understand but some young women think it's cool to be on the side and misunderstood like Kristen Stewart's character. It's something some of them strive for. When they have inclinations that way they don't shut it off and join the party because it's been modeled for them that it's cool stand back, observe and frankly judge or be disdainful of other's foolishness. If she's in that age group she might think photos with her to the side are good. Just throwing that out there, though it may not be her case.
No. Jenna .....she certainly
No. Jenna .....she certainly is not cool, but very insecure.. I recall us going to a family wedding years ago. Many of her cousins her own age she were present and she refused to sit with them, choosing instead to sit at our table, a couples table. She sat next to her father, looking miserable..
I think her social isolation contributed to her enmeshment with her immediate family and to the problem accepting her father had romantic relationships.
That's too bad. A lot of
That's too bad. A lot of kids are caught up in the hipster thing and try to emulate a modern James Dean kind of persona. Not out of insecurity though. I hope your SD finds a way to connect, isolation can be unbearable.