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I’m less reactive. And it’s working.

Newimprvmodel's picture

We were in Europe recently and did it lessen the incessant texting between DH and his telephone daughter?  Any bets?  Of course NOT. He has gotten to be so inconspicuous at it. You know he takes pics and then instantly sends some along to you know who. I didn't comment the whole trip. Until the very end. He obviously had FaceTimed daughter on the beach one night I was in bed early so he could"to share the sunset" with her didn't reach her and then she called HIM back at midnight!  Yeah she knew damn well what time it was for us. We were both in bed by that time but instead of declining the call DH starts chit chatting in a very loud voice. We were staying in a beautiful b and b type hotel walls thin.  I WANTED to scream out "WTF!!!"But I calmly told DH to keep his voice down. I had to do it several times.  
Mothers Day I had contact with all my kids. NOTHING from his but no surprise there. And as usual he never wishes me Happy Mothers Day or does anything. Now Father's Day I always get him cards and a gift. Part of it was that my own father was alive but not this year. I think I will still continue because it is a tradition and he really is not a sentimental person /gift giver but he does do much for me and my kids. 
Today I overheard him talking with his daughter that the other daughter is flying across country for business this week and will be at a city about 4 hrs away. He has not seen her in almost 4 yrs. Hmmm. Old me would have suggested to him that we should drive down there and see her. But the new me said nothing and clearly his daughters are not thinking of it either. Meh. Life goes on. 
just my venting. I can't let these telephone strangers affect my life anymore. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I dated a guy who had this online "friend", a girl barely out of her teens who he met in a chat room for "lonely people." He had never met her in person or spoken to her over the phone, but she would text him every day at the same time. He obsessively felt he had to be available to her for this. It had been going on for years and when i questioned him about her, he became very defensive. His story was that she is a severely disabled young girl who needs help supporting herself.  His motivation was that he felt like a hero for helping her out via money and emotional support. Hers was, i'm guessing, the money. I found her social media and it was mostly single guys, probably met in the "lonely people" chat room. She may not have even been a she, since this guy had never even heard her voice, only seen pics of an attractive, waif-like young girl.

All this to say that such an intense relationship like this, where they never see each other but it's all electronic, meets a need for all involved. Your DH gets to feel like he has a good relationship with his daughters and grandchildren, despite not seeing them in person for years, and in the grandkids case, maybe ever? For the daughters, i'm guessing there is financial help and/or gifts in it, and also the feeling of being a good daughter, since she is meeting these deep emotional needs in your husband.

 I think it's dysfunctional and weird, and would be sort of turned off by my husband's abnormally intense emotional attachment to his daughter(s). There seems to be too much anxiety and obsessiveness for my taste, probably due to him trying to feel ok about never even meeting his grandchildren. But, at least you don't have to deal with these people in person. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

So for the holiday weekend we are seeing one daughter but at his family's vacation home several hrs away.  His daughter has not been to OUR home in close to a year but jumped at the chance to go there. Of course right? And everything will be super friendly amongst us but I have zero relationship with his daughter and her husband outside of these few times a year. 
And husband never included my kids in these trips to the vacation house. Oh they went when they were kids and living at home. But now?  Never. It was the standard that our kids were NEVER together because his princesses refused to be around my kids. Ever. So the years evolved like this. I briefly considered telling DH that I should invite my married daughter to join us along with her husband as she lives only a few hours away from that house as well. 

CLove's picture

I am appalled at how SD Telephone Skid has invaded your vacation and personal times.

And your children and their families need to be included whenever possible. Because when your DH is gone or whatever do you think princesses will be there? If you ever need them? Heck to the no. I mean thats not the only reason of course. 

Notthedoormat's picture

Me on a weekend when we go visit Skids and Sgk! He genuinely loves Sgk and its a reminder of our blended family to SD and BM who I feel treat me like an intruder more than DH's wife. Definitely do it! Plus, it's nice to have an ally when you feel out numbered!