Husband's CS plan
Dh has come up with a child support plan for his 21 year old daughter. The one who just demands his money and refuses to speak with him. He wants to send her letter that he will give her money now what is required, for the remainder year and half. He will give her the tuition and book money now. Medical will continued to be handled. What he will tell her is that they can have relationship if she wants that doesn't involve just asking for the money. Oh and he doesn't demand that his ex pay her share.
It is so ridiculous, and he gets no benefit whatsoever. I told him to just move to emancipate her now. No lump sum........can you imagine?? I could easily see them getting the lump sum and pulling a scam for more money.
Does he really believe that if she is not asking for the money that it changes her somehow? That is the key here.. He is really trying to control the environment, but the environment is not the issue.. They are..
I agree do not negotiate with
I agree do not negotiate with terrorist... Tell DH if he emancipates her that does not mean he can't give her anything, just that it will be his choice whether to give her anything.
He wants to give her the
He wants to give her the money upfront so he does not need to get disappointed each semester when he hands over 5 thousand a semester, and gets zippo......nada....... This way the pig doesn't have to say thank you.......... I have tried to talk him out of this, but he tells me to let it go......
I can only sit back.....pass the popcorn.......enjoy the show!!!
Yea, I agree with the others.
Yea, I agree with the others. He should just emancipate her and get it over with. He can still give her money if he so chooses, but, I see this lump sum plan backfiring on him.
If SD is so awful to him and he gives her a lump sum of money, that might only encourage her to keep acting awful towards him, even if he's going to tell her that he wants a relationship that doesn't revolve around money. It's going to be a like a huge rewarding payout for being rotten. I don't see this benefiting him and his relationship with her at all.
That is just rewarding
That is just rewarding bad behavior and it will never end. He needs to cut the cash flow off completely. Time for baby to grow up.
Well I think it will empower
Well I think it will empower his ex wife. If she is not paying her share of college, why won't she keep dh on the hook as long as possible through grad school? The last court action resulted in over site being that each had to provide proof of payment. She is also making a lot more money and has failed to turn over the fafsa, also required. I just think handing them a lump sum and then expecting they are not going to turn it against dh is a huge mistake.
And this is the daughter who
And this is the daughter who does want a relationship with her father, albeit a sick controlling one. She is the he spend whole weekends with, the one whose bed he would fall asleep on after tucking in a 15 year old. It was enmeshed and she has no empathy for her father, it is only what the relationship gives to her, and there is an emotional component. I even told dh last night she wants holidays she can have them. Whatever she wants.....I just will not be present. The daughters are total strangers to me. Gee.......a holiday with just my family and kids......how bad does that sound? I think of you stepaside having your dh go off to his family and if I can get dh to do that, all the better.
The other real,possibility is
The other real,possibility is that the ex will just take the money herself. The money earmarked for the tuition. Remember this is her least favorite one, not the golden child. And if we allow unchecked, if dh does have to pay thru grad school, the conditions would be much better if we had this over her head. I see no benefit to give the lump sum, and it is fraught with potential disasters. I think he should continue as court ordered and attempt relationship. Having money off table, but not really, doesn't negate all the other factors that make up a relationship.
I told dh he could take dd to
I told dh he could take dd to his parents big thanksgiving celebration and me and the kids will hang at home with my family. Holidays are not that meaningful anymore and I told dh that his parents would much rather have her there than me, which is the truth..
It is exhausting isn't it?
It is exhausting isn't it? You sound like you tried a thousand percent with your SDs. But isn't that the case? Just imagine if their father had married a bitch who sat back and never gave a shit?
I think I should be very grateful that dh is very accepting of my position that I will not have any contact again with his daughters. Forget the fact that they would be a major deal breaker for any second wife. He is not forcing me and when I even discussed that if she is demanding holidays, let her have him.. He was adamant that holidays with him are off the table.
Like you, I have younger kids, job, life, and this crap just sucks the energy out of life.
Why do I try sometimes to get dh and his daughter together? I wonder sometimes about that.....
Ya gotta throw them out of
Ya gotta throw them out of the nest sooner or later. She is an adult at 21. She can do what she wants and your H has nothing to say about it. Emancipate her by all means. If she can be civil to him, and to you, he can help her out with her college. Since she is an adult, he owes her nothing, nadda.
I don't believe in helping ingrates or people that thing it is their due to have access to my money. Believe me, my own DD, in her younger days tried this stuff with me and found that it didn't fly as I believe strongly in responsibility.
Even with college, she wanted to go for 6 years, I told her I would pay for 4 and perhaps her Father would pay for the other 2 but I would not (fat chance of that happening). She did it in 4 years. Then she started about how I needed to pay for her to go to grad school. My response.....get a job (she is a teacher), they will reimburse your continuing education. That was how I earned my degree, at night. Hard work? Sure, but those that do it are really interested in improving themselves and don't waste money. Why, because you put your own money out upfront and have to complete and PASS the classes to get reimbursed, and sometimes even that is on a sliding scale. 100% for A, 90% B, etc.
Oh, my DD did get her masters from Northwestern University no less.