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Husband told me BM called him crying...

Bethany's picture

He admitted this as we were having a glass of wine. Now, realize SD is 36, inherited over 75,000 and blew it in 2 years, called husband screaming at him because she had no money. She was GIVEN a condo to live in--which she totally trashed. DH has been bailing her out/enabling her all these years. She has one son and will not go after the bio dad for support--she wants to stay "friends" (eye roll). We paid her rent and other tnings while in school to be a LPN, paid a down payment on a car, and even paid for the car until she "got on her feet". She was 30 then. She has come to our vacation EVERY YEAR and had everything paid for. Now, at 36, she is planning to get pregnant with an unemployed man who ALREADY has a toddler by another woman and a NEWBORN from ANOTHER. He pays no support as he is unemployed!

Anyway, DH tells me biomom called his cell and was crying---asking DH to pay SDs
car loan! She claims she works overtime! He said this happened a few months ago and he "forgot to tell me"

Well, I've changed this. Blocked biomom on his cell and told him so. Let him know she is maniplative, plays on his guilt over the divorce 27 years ago (she left and asked for the divorce). The ONLY time she calls here is to rope him in to give more money to the 36 year old.

At 36 years old, there is NO need for bio mom to be involved. Your thoughts?

2Tired4Drama's picture

If they've been divorced for 27 years, there is absolutely NO REASON OTHER THAN CRITICAL ILLNESS OR DEATH that BM should be contacting YOUR husband.

I understand why you wanted her blocked on his phone but he should have been the one who did it a long time ago. Sounds to me like your DH may like the attention he gets from BM, even if it's drama.

I would be asking him some pointed questions about how often he communicates with her and why. And an almost middle-aged skid isn't a good enough excuse. There is something more to this than you probably know. At the least, they are probably in regular contact with each other in their ongoing dramas and your DH is conveniently "forgetting" to tell you about it.

Maxwell09's picture

Wow if your DH is in the giving mood, can I have a condo as well? Haha but seriously, they'll never stop until the handouts stops.

twoviewpoints's picture

While I understand why you blocked BM from your DH's phone, I'm not sure the timing was right. He should have blocked her himself years go, but he didn't. Blocking him yourself now as if he were a disobedient child, seems (IMO) to defeat the purpose of getting this man to finally stop enabling this SD crap himself.

I mean he's a big boy now. He's quite capable of putting BM right back in his phone if he wants. Just like sneaking cash to his daughter. He's finally taken a stand with his daughter. Cut her off from his wallet. Is saying enough is enough. His daughter is acting out and livid. BM is doing the boo-hooing bit going to battle for 'her poor abandoned baby' (*choke choke gag*).

If he's serious and this is it. Over and finished. He must find the strength to stay with that himself. If he doesn't do it himself (without ultimatums, phone blocked like a child blah blah) it won't stick. Think of this similar to the drunk wanting their alcohol. He must want to stop by himself. KWIM? This is something he has to do for himself by himself. You can be his cheerleader and support him in his struggle to his goal but you can't babysit him 24/7.

Kinder1's picture

Years together, as I am learning don't seem to make it any easier in the world of marriage to someone with kids. Even with my Skids all married off DH is always somehow connected to BM. For example, one daughter has serious anxiety issues--hence, they discuss it, have helped her, etc. I understand this kind of contact and in your case I get why they are still looking out for a 36 year old--she is responsible to raise their grandchild, she is their daughter. Give up thinking they will lose contact. Best thing is to disengage and let them worry about it. Here's the silver lining: she's not your problem. Love how the DHs tell us this stuff over wine, at dinner casually--they know it is a powderkeg and they seem to drop it when then are relaxed. Pathetic.

misSTEP's picture

The only contact your DH needs to have with BM is none at all. My DH and BM haven't had any contact for many years. The last time she even texted was for the older skids' graduation. Your DH is to blame for the contact with BM and the enabling of SD.

hereiam's picture

My DH told BM that as soon as CS was done, so were they. Don't call, don't write, just leave me the hell alone.

BM over here has raised my SD25 to be co-dependent, so BM can take care of her needs and she can do it without my DH's help.

If your DH is truly done enabling his grown ass daughter, I suggest your DH tell BM to eff off.

Englishstepmum's picture

I feel for you, it took some major earth shattering arguments before my DH finally cut ties after about 27 years from the BM of his kids - she was still trying to use them as leverage. Trouble is I still would not bet a huge amount on him ignoring her if she tried to contact him, she seems to know just how to guilt him into doing stuff/paying for stuff. I've no idea what the answer is, but offering sympathy & solidarity Smile hope you're ok

thinkthrice's picture

Yep. Sounds like DH is oddly flattered when playing the "knight in shining armour" for BM and SD.


notasm3's picture

My BFF's ex DH left her for another woman (who he had an affair with before their marriage while the OW was still married and my BFF was dating him) when her daughters were 5 years and 6 months old. They have now been divorced for 30 years.

She has slept with him on many occasions and to this day remains close friends with him. They talk on the phone virtually every day - sometimes for an hour or more. Of course she has never remarried or even had a real relationship since their divorce. It's just sick.

It would have been so much better for her if she'd just cut him out of her life except for communication about their daughters.