Husband knows how to put his daughter in her place so why can' he do the same with his son??
I feel very fortunate to have just found this site.
I've been in my stepdaughter's life(26) for 10 years. She never took a liking to me. She hated me the moment her dad and I first started dating. Initally I tried by best to bond with her but she wasn't having any of it. She would tell everyone I called her a "B*TCH", or that I'm emotionally abusive. Things got so bad between my husband and I that I was consdering leaving. My husband actually grew a pair and laid out thhe law to his daughter. If you don't respect her, then I won't have anything to do with you. Well now she barley has a relationship with him which is very sad. She tells people that took her dad 'away from her", "I'm manipulative". When I was pregnant, I was in a car accident and I lost the baby. My stepdughter was thrlled!
She is not allowed in our home anymore. My husband is free to see her outside of the house but I refuse to have anything to do with her. She did this so she can be the one to fix it. It does bother my husband that he can't see her on holidays but he does say "until she respects you, this how things are going to be".
When we got married, she wasn't invited because she was clearly unhappy that her dad was marrying me. Now she's getting married in june and has invitied everyone in the family expect me. On the invitation it just had my husand's name. My husband called her up and asked if there was some sort of typo. She said that there wasn't any typo and he was the only one invited. She thinks that because she wasn't invited to our wedding, she does not have to invite me. Hubby was like "no. My wife is part of this family too and if she isn't invited, then I will not attend either". She threatned him and told him that if he doesn't come, she will wash her hands of him entirely and hung up.
Another issue is my stepson(19). He is my husband's pride and joy. His son will call or text him everyday just to see how he's doing. His sister will only call if she wants money.
My stepson came over, he barley ackowledges me. My husband is very protective of his son. There is no 'touching' my stepson. Normally I just let it go and go do my own thing. He lays into my husband and the water work start. He saying that he's geting tired of all the drama in the family and if this keeps up, he doesn't know if he wants to have anything to do with anyone.
Now my husband is rethinking his decsion about whether or not he should attends. Now he wants to contribute at aout $5000 to my stepdaughters wedding.
At first he went from NO i'm not going to know considering it after his son showed him the waterworks. I encouraged my husband to go but he said he did not want to play into her games. He wants to show her that he and I are a untitied front but whenver it comes to his son, he always to break and I always am made to look like the bad guy.
Your husband is letting his
Your husband is letting his son manipulate him with threats of not speaking to him again if he doesn't give in to sister's dramatics. He can't allow that to happen. His son is a grown man now, and he needs to talk to him that way - "Son, I understand this is hard for you, but you don't have to take your sister's side. And giving in to everything she wants so she'll stop the drama just makes her get more dramatic in the long run. I'm not OK with her excluding my wife from her wedding, and I'm not going to back down on that. That has nothing to do with my relationship with you and it's not your job to fix it ..." or something of that sort. Yes, he's afraid of losing both kids.
I wish
he would say something like that but as you said he's afraid of losing both kids. Especially his son
Like Tog said, your DH is
Like Tog said, your DH is getting played by SD on multiple fronts. Now that SD has SS in on it (and he could truely feel that DH is messing up on this one and not be sure how he feels) things are going down hill fast. IMHO I think DH should go to the wedding, you stay home- arrange a spa day. DH should not, however pay $5k to the wedding, but give her a nice gift off of her registry.
SD seems the type to withold grandkids. This will break your DH. He needs to figure out a balance that doesn't hurt your marriage. Part of that is going to be your ability to let it go. If you can't, then that needs to be told to DH now. I don't know if I would be able to let things like what SD did go... I think it is ok if you can't.
Maybe the balance is that a few times a year he responsibly spends time with SD without you. As long as you agree to the $$ going out the door that comes with it. Maybe DH really does just have to cut SD off for real and let her realize the loss when she is a parent herself. I think many of us respected our parents choices more when we became parents ourselves. And lets be real, with an attitude like that she probably will wind up divorced anyway and she might have kids. Then she can really see what the other side is like!
His daughter
is using the fact my husband has a better relationship with his son to her own advantage. My husband does understand why I keep his daughter at arms length. I have never discouraged him to not have a relationship with her but he sees how she treats me and thus does the same. If she gets wind of something, she tells her brother and he swoops in to 'save the day'.
I have let go of all my anger as it was taking a toll on my health. I just choose to have noting to do with her in order to protect myself. I did tell him that he should go but he decided that if I wouldn't go then neither would he. Then his son comes in and manages to change his mind. Tbh, even if I was invitied, I still would not have gone.
She would never let hubby cut her off. He decided to take a step back from her before. She told her brother and he managed to get hubby to assoicate with her for 'his sake'. If anything is said about his son, hubby would get defensive on the spot.
It seems like
everyone is playing games. Y'all are grown ups. Why would your husband think it's ok to not invite his own daughter to his wedding and then act like everything is ok?
Also, your SD claimed you called her a b*tch. Is that true? It would not be an unreasonable thing to do, considering her 16 year old attitude but it's also silly for yo y to be indignant that she told people you did. More games.
I strongly suggest you stop jerking your husband around. Stop playing the injured party in regards to his daughter and then being "the bigger person" and encouraging him to go to her wedding. It's mixed signals and only helps SD's case when she says you are a manipulative jerk.
Originally
she was invitied but she tried to get my husband to call of the wedding and force him to choose between me and her. He told her that she does not get to control his life and it would be best if she did not come if she couldn't tolerate me for his sake even.
I would never call a child a b*tch even if she is one. I don't even bring her up to my husband. She loves playing game and I took a step back because I refuse to 'play' anymore.
I'm not jerking my husband around. I told him he is free to go without me but he decided not to. Until his son and managed to get him to change his mind. I still do not care whether or not he goes to her wedding. As her father, he should be involved.
I mean..
Now the story is changing and she was invited. I still maintain all you grown ass adults are playing games. Everyone is making your husband choose sides and he's the poor spineless Disney dad in the middle trying to placate a bunch of spoiled adults- you and his kids.
once again, you crying about his daughter's behavior and banning her from your wedding and your home then playing the martyr "you can go without me. A father should be involved with his child" is sending mixed signals. Either you and he are a united front against her games or you are not. It can't be both ways to suit your moods.
Did you catch this part: "At
Did you catch this part: "At first he went from NO i'm not going to know considering it after his son showed him the waterworks. I encouraged my husband to go but he said he did not want to play into her games. He wants to show her that he and I are a untitied front but whenver it comes to his son, he always to break and I always am made to look like the bad guy."
OP's DH said he wanted a united front, he's the one who's changing his tune, not her. In both her original post and her response to you, she said he can go without her. She doesn't want anything to do with SD and isn't changing her mind about it, she's simply reminding her DH of what he has said previously regarding SD. And what type of person tells their dad to call off the wedding?
Well..
I was going to share my opinion and ride off into the sunset. However, I feel the need to defend myself in that I never said she banned him from his daughter's wedding. I said she banned the SD from her home and her own wedding and has cried to her husband about how this woman treats her. That's it. No wonder the poor guy is confused, no one picks a lane and stays in it, including the grown daughter who should have better manners.