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Husband Faultering in Regards to Family Photos.

Not-the-mom's picture

The wedding is over, but now there is another issue.

My DH's mother died over one year ago. He (because I refused)had to go through 60 years of her paperwork and photos, etc.... She saved tons of stuff - and she had gotten rid of a large amount before she died, but there was still alot left.

There are these photographs she had of my DH's kids and her and her husband. TONS of them. All the same pose, except the kids were older in each one. It's like they had a code that said "Assume the position" and everyone took their place in the SAME POSITIONS! It is very curious. I don't take photographs like that, but I guess many families do. I had to keep telling my DH's kids to "stop posing" whenever I wanted to take photos of them. Finally, I was able to get some informal, fun photos of them. Wink

I have repeatedly asked my DH to either throw these photos out, give them to his kids as wedding presents, send them through the mail, etc.... but get rid of them. They take up space! We have a very small house, and we are trying to downsize every day.

One week ago, we sent his kids emails asking them if they want these photos. There may be some they don't have copies of. No response. My husband thinks it's because they don't check their emails anymore, because they use text as communication. We don't text - and they have gotten other emails we sent them in the past, so I see this as an excuse. I don't know why he is being so resistant to getting rid of these, he claims he doesn't want them.

I told my husband that he should try ONCE MORE and call them TONIGHT, and ask them if they want the photos. If they don't answer leave them a message and tell them we will dispose of the photos on FRIDAY unless they say they want them. If they do, we SEND THEM SATURDAY through the mail. I would just like to go ahead and send them NOW, for thos of you who remember, we have been "forbidden" to send them anything without prior permission. Otherwise they will refuse the package and it will be sent back to us. Actually, maybe we should send them anyway, and if they come back, we throw them out. Smile

One reason I don't want to do this is because they can then claim "We destroyed precious family memories" and claim they never got the package. I wouldn't put it past them. They have claimed ignorance on other things (like important letters)we have sent them.

So, it will be interesting to see what happens. It seems like when one hurdle is overcome, there is always another in the way. Eventually, we will be free from a large portion of the "ties that bind" us to them, and we can move on! Oh happy day!

herewegoagain's picture

Scan the pictures, find a place to post them online that is private, send the kids the link. Throw away the pictures. End of story.

knucklehead's picture

This. Totally. Saves the space and destroys nothing.
These are pics of DH's kids with their grandparents? And you keep demanding DH get rid of them? Why?

smdh's picture

What some see as "destroying precious family memories", we see as "preventing ridiculous amounts or hoarding". I think since it is your house, you get to define it!

smdh's picture

Me too. I hate excess crap. I throw away lots of stuff and noone ever misses it. I gave SD 5 weeks to clean out some drawers where she keeps her "stuff". They were overflowing and didn't close all the way. DH told her many, many times to do it. At one point, she crammed everything in the drawers and said she did it. The next week she came back to find all of the drawers totally empty. I have no idea what I might have thrown out, but I figure I gave both SD and dh the option to sort through it and take out anything she really valued. They didn't do it and since I can't determine what she "values" and keeping it all wasn't an option, I determined it to all be trash. }:)

Not-the-mom's picture

Scan all the photos and then post them online? NO WAY - what a hassle - I am trying to "dehassle" my life. Biggrin

I am really tempted to trash them right now, but I made my DH a promise - until this Friday that is! Dirol

knucklehead's picture

Are you kidding me? Give them to DH and let him deal with them.

It sounds like you just want to be mean. Sad

Poodle's picture

You too. OP has accused you of harassing her. I would not keep joining in her conversations if I were you for it then makes you look guilty.

Not-the-mom's picture

My DH just called home about something else, but we agree, the photos are out of this house FRIDAY! Thanks for the input, and suggestions. Smile

Not-the-mom's picture

And suddenly the SKIDS email and say they want their photos. Blum 3

Nothing works better to get their attention than posting something here on StepTalk. Or is it just another one of those "coincidences that they both emailed us last night?

Who cares, we are finally getting rid of the extra stuff around here.

We are downsizing so when my husband retires, we can escape and disappear somewhere far away! "Travel light" is our motto. Dirol

Not-the-mom's picture

The photos have been sent!!!

The thing that surprised me was in going through them one more time - because my DH wanted to make sure there weren't any he wanted to keep - I found myself getting upset. I just couldn't keep from feeling that way while looking at all those photos of the skids when they were younger. I was unable to objectively look at their faces and not see the manipulative self-centered people they are.

It was the worst when seeing photos of the skids with their biomom. Now that I have experienced her 'ways' for 10 years, I feel I can see clues in the photos of her frame-of-mind even back then before I knew her. She really seems to be working overtime to make sure she comes off as the happy, confident, giving, unselfish person - but for me and my DH we can see that look in her eyes where you see the low self-esteem coming through. That low-self-esteem which makes her put on a "mask" that hides a lot of unresolved anger, bitterness, and the manipulative person behind it.

I am glad I don't have to have them (the photos, the EX and the skids) around anymore.