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Hubby's love child of 30 years ago surfaces, wants relationship

Tinkerbelle's picture

My husband and I have been married since 2015. I have two biological children in their 30s. He has two biological children and their 20s and two adopted children and their 20/30 s. Last week he received notification on  fb (after reconnecting with family on his country of origin) from a 30 year old woman claiming to be his bio daughter from a summer fling. He has already had extensive convo (including video chat) with her. DNA not yet confirmed. And is obsessed with connecting w her. Even chatting with her while ignoring all of us during a family gathering. He has announced plans to fly there immediately if the DNA is positive. This is interrupting so many pre commitments, including a trip to visit my soon to be married daughters future inkaws which has been planned for some time. 

I'm not upset he might have a love child from teenage indiscretions. I don't blame him for that. I'm not upset that the girl so brashly burst into our lives,. Apparently she has been searching for him for years and claims she just wants to fill a gap in her life. I do feel upset tho that he seems obsessed with her and is pushing people and commitments he already has in his life aside in her favor. 

It worries me that he is already established a relationship of sorts via chat and video hat with this girl. We know nothing of her history, family, background etc. 

I also just feel like I got hit by a freight train and no one seems to validate my emotions. Friends we have confided in expect me to be a silent supporter and to welcome this intrusion like some sort of miracle blessing. I don't feel blessed, and I don't know that I can handle this new journey.  I'm just sad and crying all the time and wish he wouldn't bring her up every 5 minutes.  Oh, also, shes a single mom with 2 under 8.

Advice pkease???

 

Tinkerbelle's picture

Appreciate your candid response. Assume this comes from painful experiences and I am sorry if that happened to you. She lives in another country, so I doubt that moving in would happen. The money thing, though....it's like I am just waiting for that shoe to drop. 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Separate finances if necessary. Have a come to Jesus meeting with your husband and lay down the law that he must not give money to this alleged daughter without your consent. 

Your marriage and partnership must come first.

 I, unfortunately, live in StepHell and have to put up defenses to protect my marriage and my family.

futurobrillante99's picture

Creepy how he's obsessed with her. I'm not that surprised. My stbX was obsessed with his past. All the places he's been with his ex wife, all his old stomping grounds, girls he had a crush on in middle or elementary school. He has said the best of his life is behind him. Apparently, the years around 18 were his peak. I've known a lot of men of a certain age who get all nostalgic for those days long ago when they had a fling with some girl who has now achieved angelic or superstar status in their memories.

It's really sad and pathetic. My best days are ahead of me. I don't pine for days gone by. And should I ever venture out in the dating world again, I will promptly dump any guy who waxes nostalgic for his "glory days."

Tinkerbelle's picture

Thank you for validating my feelings . I find it creepy, too. And, yes....he is exactly as you describe with the obcession for his "glory days," as well. Now it's almost like he sees this as a badge of honor commemorating such. That was a good observation that I had not linked before and helps me wrap my head around this, better. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

futurobrillante99's picture

My pleasure Tinkerbelle. It's interesting how encounters so far in the past take on mythical status when men start getting older. I guess when they were younger, it was so new and exciting, it is carved into their memories as some amazing experience.

Doesn't matter if later they met someone better, more beautiful or fell madly in love with a wonderful woman. Somehow that clumsy lay back in 11th grade was EPIC. So much better if a surprise f**k trophy shows up 30 years later. Look! A living, breathing reminder that I banged that chick one night when I was a "young stud."

Barf.

Tinkerbelle's picture

"a surprise f**k trophy shows up 30 years later. Look! A living, breathing reminder that I banged that chick one night when I was a "young stud."

Bahahaha.  Thanks for making me laugh about it.

So. Accruate!

SugarSpice's picture

yes it is creepy.  i guess men are so darned proud of their fertility that they get ga ga stupid when a love child appears.  now he has built up this new child into a fantasy and he may turn unrealistic.

 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Consider the idea that someone contacts you tomorrow saying they are your half-brother. They can tell you enough about your dad that it seems possible. They tell you they’ve been trying for years to find you. That they’ve felt this missing part all their life.

Now picture them dead.

Every possibility is gone. Every chance vanished. On top of it you’ll never know. Your dad will never know. No one will ever know.

My dad was used by a woman to get pregnant. She hid it from him. He entered the army then met my mother. Had me and moved half way across the country. Sometime after that he found out she had a son, that the kid looks a lot like him and that his birthday makes it possible but he didn’t do anything.

And when he could it was too late. The kid died as a teen in a car accident. He wouldn’t tell my mom who exactly but I figured it out enough.

And it hurts. Every day to think about this person who MIGHT have been my brother.

So when I say this it comes from that place.

I would never condemn a man who jumps like yours has. I would expect my partner to be there yesterday if there even a chance. I would cancel any plans we had to make that happen because I think everyone in my family would understand. The idea that there was someone out there that was hidden from us for so long. That was trying to find us and couldn’t. I couldn’t wait to welcome them into our family.  

I can understand waiting on the DNA test and you should but I can understand every bit of excitement he feels. She has to of told him something that makes it possible.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Half brother, though. I have a half sibling that is an extremely unpleasant person that I don’t speak to. I am sorry for your loss, however.

Rags's picture

I strongly disagree that everyone and everything else in life has to take a back seat, even temporarily, in this situation.  This breeding adult has lived her entire life to date and the OP’s SO knew nothing about her.  Why suddenly does everyone else and all long standing obligations in his life pale and take a subservient position to a possible adult progeny by a blast from the past?

It shouldn’t IMHO.

My father was raised as an only child.  His 3yrs elder sister died when he was 3yo.  My grandfather had been married before and his first wife had a son during that marriage.  She apparently had a major issue keeping her sex life limited to their marriage and my grandfather was never sure if the kid was his.

Over the years this guy (an FBI agent) showed up at my GP’s house with an attorney in tow to assess their property.  Always when my grandfather was away. My GM ran them off with a shotgun filled with rock salt  a few times.

When my granddad died we moved my GM near us and sold the farm to my dad’s cousin.  Two old steamer trunks were delivered to my house.

In the trunks were stacks of letters from my grandads eldest.  They were vitriolic and offensive to the extreme and dated from his teens to well into adulthood. 

While I understand the pain that this unknown “Uncle” may have had over his relationship with my grandad, the envy he may have had towards my dad and his elder sister, etc... I cannot fathom living an adult life driven by a past that you would allow  to  pollute your world.  Whether on the OOWL kid side of the equation or the parental side of the equation.

Particularly from an adult sharp enough to be an FBI agent.

Want2's picture

Putting myself in your situation I wouldn't welcome the intrusion and that's what it would feel like. My initial reaction would, I think, be anger and probably resentment if I felt pushed to the side and prior commitments broken. I would likely feel like the very foundations of my life were at risk if I relied heavily on my significant other's time and attention.

And then I realized that those feelings may very well be the same my SD experienced when I came into their lives!!

Man! That's a tough one. I think, all in all, you might have to welcome this newcomer with whatever open arms you can muster if you intend to keep everyone happy. But not at the expense of your own happiness so if her presence makes you miserable you will have to disengage.

One thing in your favor is that you and your husband will meet her as an already established couple so she must accept you as step mom if that makes it any better for you.

Tinkerbelle's picture

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response and for sharing that perspective. I hadn't considered that. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Their DH's reconnected with adult daughters and formed unhealthy obsessions. At least one appeared to be somewhat sexually attracted to his daughter. Another poster said this is a not uncommon syndrome and it is called "Genetic Sexual Attraction." It is an overwhelming sexual attraction that can develop between adult relatives when they meet for the first time as adults. Google it and you will find lots of information.

Here is a link to a discussion about it on this site - https://www.steptalk.org/forum/parenting/adult-stepchildren/found-step-d...

Try and not worry until you get the DNA results. Then have a serious talk with you DH and see if you can talk some sense into him. Protect yourself financially.

Tinkerbelle's picture

Thank you for this response and for sharing the other thread. That's one thing that I had never heard of, but gets to the heart of how it feels. It feels like he is having an affair. 

still learning's picture

I wouldn't worry about it at all right now, the DNA test is still out and who knows if he really is the father. Teenagers can be quite permiscuous, maybe the birth mother drew a random name out of the hat for who the dad could be.  If he is then great, fly away and meet your long lost daughter honey, meanwhile continue with your own plans and live your life as before.  

DH has told me several times that he may have a long lost daughter out there.  He was dating an older woman when he was a teen then she suddenly disappeared.  Later he heard that she had moved back East and that she had had a daughter. He automatically assumes it's his and spins this story that he has a daughter.  DH has never persued finding this maybe daughter I think he just likes to brag about his virality as a teen and the idea/fantasy that he knocked up an older woman.  *Yawn* whatever has been my attitude about the whole thing. He actually got mad at me that I wasn't excited and encouraging him to find her. 

Curious Georgetta's picture

Have mixed emotions about this situation. Finding a child with whom you had so much lost time would likely be both a sad and yet happy experience. Having that child come with 2 grandkids would be an added bonus.

He is probably happy that he can be grandad in a way that he was not dad.

If the relationship was a pleasant summer interlude, he probably has fond memories. He may even over time have embellished the memories.

Try not to be too judgemental. You have absolutely no idea how you would respond in a comparable situation. There is no prescription of how one should act in this kind of situation.

He is having  a long delayed new parent response. If this is a complicated situation for you, think how conflicted his children may feel.

Hopefully, over time, this will work out well for all involved.

 

2Tired4Drama's picture

The explosion of people finding "matches" to their long-lost families via DNA testing is a Pandora's box, IMO.   There have been many articles and TV shows about how it can either be a blessing, or a curse.   There have been many people who have been disappointed by being found and others who wished they had never looked.

While you and your DH may be given advice to think positively about this woman, I would suggest keeping a close check on your emotions, current family commitments, and especially finances.  Go slowly.   

Even if she turns out to be one of the blessings, it will take time to solidify a true and meaningful relationship with her.  And your DH must face the very real emotions his current bio and adopted kids will feel about her entering their lives.

Good luck!  This is a tough one to face, especially since you are still relatively new (3 years) into the stepworld.

marblefawn's picture

Wow, I feel for you. You're taking it better than I would. I'm not sure I could hang in for the inevitable rollercoaster ride that's coming.

I'm wondering if your husband will chill regarding her after he visits her. Maybe the newness is overwhelming now, but after they meet, he will take it down a few notches and be more like he was before this *blessing* came into your lives.

You can't change how he reacts -- what will happen will happen. But I would watch that bank account like a hawk. Not one penny goes there without your consent. Everything else is up for grabs because you can do nothing about it, but your financial future and security are very much your business and it can't be jeopardized by one partner.

I wish you well and I hope this works out. It can't be easy.

Rags's picture

Money grab alert!

Get to an attorney and get your financial security protected before this gets out of control.

Rags's picture

From a supporting DH perspective you may consider sitting him down to review the current obligations and in alignment with your obligations scheduling a visit for both of you to meet the potential new SD and GSkids .... if... and that is a big IF... a DNA relationship is established by a credible laboratory service.

It will likely take your measured pragmatic participation to help DH navigate this in a way that respects and preserves your marriage.

Merry's picture

My DH would be just as obsessive as your DH. I'd almost step back to watch the trainwreck just to see the reaction from SD and SS, who are quite sure they are each, individually, the center of the universe.

But my DH would be open to my concerns and he would hear what I had to say. He would recognize his obsessiveness when I pointed it out and tone down his response, even if jiggling on the inside.

Changing preexisting plans is a great big no-go. That tells everyone else that they are not as important as this new, shiny bright person. He's setting himself up for some hurt if he abandons existing plans in favor of someone new.

SugarSpice's picture

with dna testing all the rage people get stupid when they discover long lost relatives.  things are rarely rosy.  just because a person is blood related does not mean a thing.  many of these relatives are out to scam.  i know the long lost child wants to know her father but your dh should be cautious about the timing of this appearance.  you dhs obsession is unhealthy.
 

Rags's picture

We did 23 & Me a couple of years ago.  Recently I got a message from a “cousin”.  The genetic test said first cousin but in fact she is a 3rd cousin.  She was born shortly after her fathers wedding to his only wife and never recognized by her father or any of his family.  

I told my mom and aunt about it and they got hold of her father’s brother who pulled the plug in any further discussion.

Her father passed about a year before she messaged me.  She indicated that her intent was to obtain family health history.

I helped as much as I could.  The fact is that these situations can impact the lives of far more  than just  the long lost child and their lost parent.

Curious Georgetta's picture

how one should approach situations like this, but there is no prescribed way in which the parties involved should react. There are probably as many different ways to react and respond as there are people who find themselves in this situation.

The OP has described the husband's excited reaction to the news.   He is not the only one to be impacted by this news. The OP and his children will also be impacted by the news and the OP at least does not share his enthusiasm.

However, if this information is indeed true at that remains to be seen, neither the OP nor her step children are the one's who will have lost so much of his/her child's life. They should all step back and let father and daughter process this information.

Should this relationship become problematic there will be time enough to respond to the situation. At this point, the husband is just responding to the newness of the situation .

If the person is indeed his daughter,they have much catching up to do. His children on the other hand may or may not welcome another sibling to a circle that they believed to be both defined and closed.

This will be an adjustment for all involved.

 

 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

"And is obsessed with connecting w her. Even chatting with her while ignoring all of us during a family gathering. He has announced plans to fly there immediately if the DNA is positive. This is interrupting so many pre commitments, including a trip to visit my soon to be married daughters future inkaws which has been planned for some time. '

Curious Georgetta's picture

Inconvenience.  If indeed the DNA testing confirms that this is his daughter, having to reschedule an elective visit with someone who is not yet a member of your family in order to meet your newly discovered child is both understandable and easy to remedy.

This won't be an easy situation for anyone in this man's family to navigate, and if they start viewing easily fixed situations as problemsproblems, the process will be doomed before it begins.

This change should have less impact on OP than other members of his family. She has been married for a relatively short time and at the end of the day, it simply means that she has 5 rather than 4 step children and her husband has 2 additional grand children. 

This woman was not conceived as part of an affair, so there is no infidelity or deception of anyone. The adjustment may be much more difficult for her husband 's  children who no doubt thought their sibling circle to be closed and defined.

If this is his daughter, it would not be unusual for him to want to make up for.lost time and opportunities with his daughter and grandchildren. That would be a normal response.

This is not a situation that anyone wanted or anticipated, but it is one that needs to be handled with understanding and mature judgement.  For dad it can be an unexpected bonus in an otherwise ordinary life, for everyone else it will be what they are mature enough to make of it.

 

 

beebeel's picture

How can you possibly think this will have "less of an impact" on the OP than the rest of the family? The rest of the family are grown and gone. The plans he's canceling are with HER. 

This man needs to use understanding and exhibit maturity as well (or is that standard only for SMs?). That would involve keeping longtime plans with his wife and visiting his potential lust nugget when it doesn't interfere with those plans.

It is not a sign of immaturity for a wife to be upset that her spouse is pouring all of his excitement and energy into something outside of the marriage. In fact, the husband is the one acting like a love struck teenager, barreling ahead on nothing but emotions, to hell with everyone else.

You are in over your depth and understanding. I don't think you can even recognize a healthy parent-child relationship.

sandye21's picture

"You are in over your depth and understanding. I don't think you can even recognize a healthy parent-child relationship."  No surprise there!  Before anyone gets too excited, the DNA should be verified.  Any therapist would advise a DH that he should consider how disruptive this is to the family he has known for so long before diving in to 'unknown territory' - to take things slow.  THAT is the 'mature' thing to do, don't you think?

Curious Georgetta's picture

To suggest that the husband has or has not considered the impact of this situation on his  family. The only facts that have been provided are:

The husband has shared the information with his wife

He admits having a sexual relationship with the young woman ',s mother

DNA  verification is pending

The husband is excited and pleased about the prospect that this woman might be his daughter.

The wife is unhappy and displeased  about the prospect that this young woman might be his daughter

None in the information that would allow any of us to make more informed decisions has been provided.

We do not know if his other children have been informed. We do not know if the husband  Had spoken to a support professional to deal with his feelings. We do not know  if he has sought legal input regarding his personal or financial resources should that be necessary.

Really all we know are the facts stated above and that the wife is unhappy because of the husband's enthusiasm and willingness to reschedule and trip that could be easily rescheduled.

 

 

sandye21's picture

"DNA  verification is pending"  So we DON'T know all the facts yet, do we?  "-- the wife is unhappy because of the husband's enthusiasm and willingness to reschedule and trip that could be easily rescheduled."  EASILY rescheduled?  This is an assumption on your part.  So this is not disruptive?  So he shouldn't consider his wife's feelings and just charge on into the unknown?  Oh ---- that's right!  SMs have to swallow it all and just smile in submission.  We'll have to agree to disagree on this one, CG.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Both in step-life and on StepTalk.  Over the years, it's become apparent that there are people who join for no reason other than to stir the pot.  They are probably frustrated skids themselves and see a way to create drama, despite their thinly-veiled attempts to appear logical and balanced.  All they are really looking for is verbal fisticuffs with SMs.   Well, like my moniker says - I'm too tired and too old for it.   We've seen them come and go over the years - after being ignored enough they usually find somewhere else they are more welcome.  IMO, the best response is no response.  I try to save my input for those who I feel want and need it.  (To be clear, I am only referring to one poster on this thread and it certainly isn't the OP - who wants a chance to open up about her feelings.)

sandye21's picture

The only reason I enjoy responding to the 'pot stirrers' is to demonstrate to the OP that there are a lot of people out there who treat SMs like second class citizens.  I do agree with you that responding to people like this is probably encouraging them to post more but I am actually thankful for CG for showing us that we may come face to face with someone who insists we not worthy of mutual respect or eligible to live at the same standard as all of the other members of the family.  This also exposes people who make assumptions and claims based on their beliefs rather than the facts or rational thought.  It gives us the opportunity to give the reasoning for our opinion, inform the OP we are supporting them, and move on.  But for your sake, I'll try to curb my 'impulses'.  LOL

 

theoldredhen's picture

Hey, beebeel!

You've nailed this one, Hon, with your customary insight. CG’s dismissal of Tinkerbelle’s valid concerns is just one more example of the injustice that we stepmothers undergo on a daily basis.

However, CG serves a very important role in ST; she reminds us of how BMs and the general public view us steppers and knowledge is power! Thanks, CG!

And thanks, beebeel, for always backing the ‘team’ with your common sense. That’s what ST is all about, yes?

beebeel's picture

It should be what ST is all about, but it's not. 

And I have never met someone in real life who has consistently given such bad advice. Never! I have never met anyone in person who is so brazenly biased against ALL stepmoms in general. I don't believe CG represents society. She is a lonely, damaged individual who wouldn't say a fraction of the garbage she spews here to your face. Wink

Want2's picture

The OP has already said it feels like he is having an affair and I can understand that. So telling her how she "should" feel isn't going to help.

Husband's actions aren't helping her feel any differently that seems certain and while I am curious as to how his kids feel that's not really the issue. The OP must decide if this is a deal breaker for her and if not how she is going to deal with her jealousy.

 I think I would be jealous too tbh

 

Curious Georgetta's picture

had the right to decide if this is a deal breaker for her. Only the OP can make that choice .  

Any number of reasons could have occasioned the need to change the dates of meet and greet daughter's in-laws to be. If one of the dad's children became ill and required surgery, a death in the family, a work emergency etc. The visit would have been rescheduled  without a second thought.

In this case since it is the OP's daughter.,she could go alone to visit the in-laws to be.

The OP feelings are her legitimate feelings. The husband's feelings and responses are his legitimate feelings and responses.. Neither of their fee!ings may be wrong.

The wife may feel as though he is having an affair ; he is not. What he is experiencing is akin to having a child ,and in fact he  is experiencing the feelings when one has a child.

If the OP cannot share his positive feelings that may be understanding,, but to use a situation that had such an easy remedy as the reason for her concern is disingenuous and disrespectful to the husband. 

Did the OP suggest that they reschedule the visit to the  in-laws or that she would go alone? Those would have been supportive moves to allow the husband time to navigate and meet his daughter (assuming that the DNA proves this to be the case) .

If the OP makes this situation about her, the husband will likely remember that his wife was not at all supportive when he had a life altering situation. If the OP believes this to be a life altering situation for her then she has a decision to make.

If the  OP leaves, the next wife will just view herself as having married a man with 5 rather than 4 children.

 

sandye21's picture

 "If one of the dad's children became ill and required surgery, a death in the family, a work emergency etc. The visit would have been rescheduled  without a second thought."  When was it established that this was an emergency?  There was no mention of illness or death of the potential daughter.  (Another assumption)  Why can't DH reschedule the meeting with his potential daughter?  Please tell me why you think SM should alter plans that were made previously to accommodate DH's 'excited' desire to meet potential daughter?  Why the double standard? 

2Tired4Drama's picture

Both in step-life and on StepTalk.  Over the years, it's become apparent that there are people who join for no reason other than to stir the pot.  They are probably frustrated skids themselves and see a way to create drama, despite their thinly-veiled attempts to appear logical and balanced.  All they are really looking for is verbal fisticuffs with SMs.   Well, like my moniker says - I'm too tired and too old for it.   We've seen them come and go over the years - after being ignored enough they usually find somewhere else they are more welcome.  IMO, the best response is no response.  I try to save my input for those who I feel want and need it.  (To be clear, I am only referring to one poster on this thread and it certainly isn't the OP - who wants a chance to open up about her feelings.)

Curious Georgetta's picture

The point was that any number of things could have  caused the meet and greet with the daughter's in-laws to be and no one would have been harmed ,angry ,or damaged.

I would imagine that the husband is viewing this as more of a major event in his life than a meet and greet with his step daughter's soon to be in-laws.

One event is tied to a potentially life altering event the or he not so much.

I think,if asked, the husband would say one event may change his life forever where as delaying a meeting with the in-laws may have little to no impact on his life.

I may have missed it, but I did not see where the husband was suggesting that his wife should not attend the meet and greet. 

This kind of life altering experience is never likely to happen again.

Where is the double standard? This event could easily have happened in a first ,second, or third marriage. The conception was a pre,marital event.

Sometimes in a partnership , you have an event that dictates whose needs should be front and center in the particular situation.

Again, it is perfectly fine if this is the  OP 's deal breaker or line in the sand. Everyone has their particular breaking point

1StepForward2's picture

He may be reacting out of guilt - wanting to make up for lost time - or whatever. But he needs to be told “honey I understand your excitement over your possible long lost daughter and I’ll be supportive but not at the expense of our marriage. We had plans as a family that I expect you to keep. Any other plans going forward need to be discussed as a married couple first and foremost.”

He may need to hear this since he probably feels overwhelmed right now.

Rags's picture

To me, as with most things, this is simple. OP needs to confront her DH’s behaviors when he oversteps the bounds of reasonableness.  She needs to keep him grounded in reality and be cautiously supportive.  

If this adult serially breeding previously unknown SD is legit, non toxic and reasonable then the OP needs to remain cautiously supportive.  Any deviation from reasonableness and OP and her previously known  SKids and DH’s family need to reign him in hard.

Keep it simple.  Confront any unreasonable behaviors from new SD or DH.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

sandye21's picture

You nailed it once again, Rags.

MissTexas's picture

This situation will end up one way or another: either the DNA will prove she is in fact his BD, or it will not. Think "flow chart." If one thing happens then this will happen. If another, then a different outcome will emerge.

I have read all the posts, and feel it is wrong for DH to move heaven and earth, whether it is driven by guilt or not, cancelling plans with his factually KNOWN family.

Curiously, should this new "nugget" end up not being DH's BD , who will be there to pick up the pieces with him? HIS WIFE. That's right, the very one he is throwing in the backseat for this "possible" long, lost glory days roll in the hay bi-product.

Interesting that she suddenly found him and has kids in tow. I'm with Rags on this all the way...lock up the bank accounts. Emotionally driven decisions can cloud thinking in a big, and irreversible way.

As a person who has other half siblings (BF, whom I never knew or had a relationship with BS) who have "found me" , let me say (though this is a child and not a sibling situation, the surprise /shock element is similar), it is not always "hats and horns' and cause for celebration. One of my "siblings" had a rap sheet longer than my arm. He thought we were going to hug, and sing Kumbaya and walk off into the sunset, living happily ever after. I put a screeching halt to that notion, as I was raising my children, had completed multiple college degrees and had a great marriage and stable career. I had all of that to consider. We talked less than an hour, and wrote a few  letters to one another, and he already had himself moving in with us and was planning his future. This was back in the late 1990's before all the Ancestry DNA technology. My choice was to put him in my rearview mirror, and I have never looked back.

You're in my heart and I'm hoping you can make DH understand things from your perspective.

notasm3's picture

This  “ OMG How wonderful that I have a child” is so foreign to me.  In my youth a man who fathered a child after a short eff fest or ONS went to great efforts to deny paternity.  Despicable but common. Pre DNA many a man gathered up his buddies to also claim that they had slept with the mother so no one could be held responsible.   It was disgusting and unfair  -  but what I am just amazed about is the change from how to I get out of this to wow I have a child I must adore. 

still learning's picture

She's 30 so he won't be on the hook for child support. If she was 16 he may have a different attitude.