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How to survive SD's wedding... I don't want to be there

just saying it's picture

So my SD (28) getting married , the wedding is in PR... my DS (25) and our DS (10) and DD (7)  are NOT INVITED only my DH & I ...

I must say we mastered thought the years to keep it civil and even friendly, but its when that invitation came with just DH +1 ...  I felt sick... of cource i will go to support my DH but I struggle to make piece within with it.

DD adores SD and was so happy when her big sis was engaged assuming she will be a flower girl at her wedding... The wedding is in all iclusive hotel (no p/p charge if guests are staing in the hotel, we are also paying for all our accomodations) so it really is not about cost... 

futurobrillante99's picture

Bring your kids if you can afford the airfare. Have DS 25 watch them during the wedding and they can have fun in the pool, etc.

Just because they weren't invited to the wedding doesn't mean they can't go on vacation with you.

just saying it's picture

Yes thank you, that was my initial intention, but then i thought it will make them feel excluded even more (being there and not being allowed to attend). DH is making it good by taking us on spring break cruise. And we are attending another out of town wedding 1 month after this one where DD is a flower girl :)

ndc's picture

Maybe they're not having any children at the wedding.  It might be that no slight is intended.  Also, there's no requirement that siblings be in the wedding party.  When I got married I didn't ask either of my sisters (full bio) to be attendants.  My two best friends (who I am closer to than my sisters) and I had been planning to be in each other's weddings since middle school, and I didn't want more than 2 bridesmaids.  Now, if SD had not invited YOU, I would think that you feeling sick over it would be warranted.  Her not inviting two young half-siblings and a stepbrother to what sounds like a destination wedding would not be something I raised a fuss over.  What does your husband think of it?  Is he paying for the wedding?

I like Futuro's suggestion of bringing the kids and making a vacation of it if that's something you can do.

just saying it's picture

I must admit, there is a part of me that really wants to think that ... but unfortunately we feel what we feel...
No siblings in the wedding is a foreign thought to me and maybe that is why it gets me so much... 
We are are attending my niece's out of town wedding month after this one... all the kids are in the wedding.  There was no intention to raise a hell... i just don't understand;
DH wants us on a cruise for spring break to shake it off...
 no we are not paying for the wedding ( we were not informed of anything until actual invitations we out, and we saw SD 4 days prior to that and were told nothing )  we just give them few K as a present  
And as far as kids as i said i though about it but did not go with it

notarelative's picture

A no kids wedding  could be the reason why the younger siblings were not invited. But, that a no kids wedding cannot be used as the reason step sibling 25 is not included.

Does DS25 even want to attend? My bio kids would have been thrilled if they were not invited to my SD's wedding. (Especially the son who drove 4 hours each way to attend.) But, DH paid for the wedding and he wanted them there ... and they attended. 

 

just saying it's picture

DS was happy not to attend, but he certainly would attend if invited (to pay respect to his SF who is nothing but good to DS for almost 13 years).

ESMOD's picture

I'm surprised that you and your DH don't know why the siblings weren't included.. considering you are paying for your own trip.. and it sounds like there is no "extra" cost for people staying at the resort since it's all inclusive anyway.  

I guess it's awkward but you had to make a decision to pay to bring the other three to a trip where you might not typically go.. vs take another separate trip where you all get to go somewhere you will enjoy without any of the wedding fuss.

TBH.. guess you are kindof lucky it's in an all inclusive resort... no shortage of drinks to numb you to the hoopla.. haha

just saying it's picture

yessssss drinks will be very helpful! .   *drinks* and yes  to going to where we will enjoy each others company... Thank you for that

GoingWicked's picture

I would go with DH to the hotel and instead of going to the wedding, I'd help my DH look spiffy for all the wedding festivities, then spend time vacationing and having some stress free fun with my kiddos. 

Aunt Agatha's picture

I'm not a huge fan of kids at weddings.  Weddings can be very boring, and most receptions I've been to get kid unfriendly quickly when alcohol is involved.

With your kids, they are significantly younger than your SD.  I can't imagine they are close.  
 

So while your daughter might have been excited about a flower girl role, it sounds more like that expectation was built up by someone else and not the bride. 

 

just saying it's picture

DD was asked to be her older cousin's flower girl soon after she got engaged... so when DD's sister(SD) got engaged few month later DD was ecstatic (DD loves and adores SD) wrongly assumed she will be there too :(

susanm's picture

It is not unusual to have an adults only destination wedding.  I would find out first if that is the kind of wedding it is.  Yes, people get upset about brides making that choice but it is nothing against your children personally.

just saying it's picture

you might be right, but even if it is true I never thought no kids goes to immideate (and only ) family  bride has....

Thumper's picture

You survive with a few cocktails thats how. Not to many...just a few Wink

When is the wedding? PR was hit with serious earthquakes. AND after shocks.

Have your husband take you to an upscale Hotel with a night club. OMG the music is nothing like you here in the states. LOVE PR night life. I have been there a few times.

Be careful...never ever go out alone. Also go to Umbrella Street.

just saying it's picture

Club would be nice ..
and ... i am such a chicken when it comes to being out of my comfort zone , would be probably scared to cross the street outside our hotel...
omg... I just noticed I typed PR instead of DR

Sandybeaches's picture

I would not bring the kids as I have seen a few times on here in similar situations this may be seen as you bringing the kids to the wedding anyway uninvited.  It always goes bad.  

While I do understand the younger kids not being invited I am not sure why the 25 year old wasn't unless SD thought it would be awkward not to invite your younger 2 if she was invited.  I too am not a fan of kids at a wedding, I think they are too young to understand and they disrupt the day completely.  Even if they don't act badly they still take their parents time and focus when the focus is supposed to be on the wedding.  

If it were me I probably would not go but if you think you should then, you and your DH should fly in for the weekend only do what you have to do and then fly back home.  Plan another family vacation at another time to Disney or some place you really want to take the kids but I definitely would not bring them to this wedding.  

piegirl's picture

Perhaps a no kids wedding and didn't want to isolate them further by inviting 25 yr old - that's the nice side of the coin Smile

Have you thought about going on the spring break cruise with the whole fam but using the wedding like a second honeymoon with just you and DH? All inclusive too - oh lala, live it up!

still learning's picture

Has DH asked her if there are no kids invited and why?  I think that would be the first step before making assumptions.  

ldvilen's picture

Skip it--the wedding.  There are too many excuses being made here for this and that, without anyone knowing the facts.  And, to me, it smacks of SMs always having to give everyone else the shadow-of-a-doubt, while others can do what they want, exclude whomever and too bad, so sad.  So-and-so gets to do whatever she wants for her "special" day.  I agree with Still Learning above.  And, even if no kids were invited, I find it difficult to believe that younger siblings, even 1/2 siblings would be excluded.  Have your DH investigate.  If he won't, that gives you your answer right there.  He is just going to go and kiss everyone else's a$$, except yours, for his daughter's "special" day.

Personally, I'd recommend staying home with the kids, and letting DH go alone if he wants.  A destination wedding is a SM's dream, because it gives her even more reason to skip it.  Tell DH you are going to stay home with the kids (surely the bride and groom will understand since they didn't invite them), and DH can go on his own, if he wants. 

Or, as someone else recommended, go with your DH, bring kids if you want, and either just you or you and the kids can have your fun while you are there.  DH gets to go to ceremonies; you don't, unless you want to.  Keep in mind, traveling to your avg. destination (tropical) country, esp. with kids, is not always as fun and exciting as tourist pictures and websites show.

Regardless, don't count on anything. and I mean anything, regarding how you'll be treated once you get there.  You may not even be treated as a guest, much less as your DH's wife.  You may be treated like a strange, unknown leper who just happened to wander in.  And, your DH, if put on the spot, may even treat you the same.  Been there, done that.

Rags's picture

I would take everyone to PR and have a great vacation... You and DH pop into the wedding for a few hours.  Make sure you are radiant, happy and you and DH are clearly enjoying your lives together.  Then get back to the great vacation with the rest of the kids.  Let the toxic opposition take your radiant drop in as they will.

Of course take advantage of the deal at the all inclusive resort.  While  you and DH make your drop in appearance the rest of the kids can be having a great time enjoying the resort amenities.

SD started the games but both side can play games.  So play games and have a great vacation while you do it.

 

greenskin's picture

Could you just say you're not going because someone has to stay home with the kids? Even if normally your oldest could watch the younger ones or your parents or whoever... maybe everyone is just conveniently booked and just can't that very day....?

Alternatively, could you sniff out if she really wants you there? Maybe she feels as though she has to invite you. If you don't to go and she doesn't want you there, then declining the invited could be a win-win for both.