I definitely know that feeling...kinda makes ya wish you ran for the hills and NEVER looked back doesnt it

It is bad enough I have to deal with people I cant stand at work 40 hours a week and then to have to be stressed and deal with MORE people I cant stand during my personal time...(BM & SKID) TOTALLY SUCKS!!!

Only the wife; Be very careful about what you are fixin to get into. So sorry to tell you that but the SD will not change and you are her target . So she will turn every family member against you.DH will stick his head in the sand and not do one thing to help you.If you are a very strong person and I mean very strong and can take the hurt feelings and not being accepted into your DH family then you may have a chance.For me my DH kids had me on a chain like a dog dragging me down a dusty road until I finally had to take up for myself and then disengaged from them (forever). Give it a lot of thought.

Sounds like a lot of time has passed since you met his kids, but I would say adjust your expectations. Read a book about being a step mother. Empathize with them. Regardless of the fact that they are adults, the emotions are the same as for a child. Building a relationship takes time, compassion and understanding. Good luck.

My SD treated me surprisingly well for quite a while. She told me how much she looked up to me, that she respected me and that she knew her deceased mom would be happy for us too. She sent me beautiful cards with amazing words of gratitude. Everything was wonderful until she moved back to the area, then it all went to hell. Before she moved back, she made a statement to me that left me puzzled and wondering where it came from, after all she was so kind to me and so happy for us. She told me that she didn't want her father to have to choose between us once she moved back. I was floored because in my mind I was the girlfriend and she was the daughter, two very different relationships. A year later, we became engaged and she was upset that DH didn't tell her before he asked me, things just got worse. On our wedding day she got drunk and a scene was made between she and her husband because of her drinking, which I'm certain was brought on by our marriage. It's been one of the most difficult relationships that I have ever endured in my life and it affects my marriage often. My DH, as many do, will not acknowledge that SD ever makes a mistake or does he ever see when she ignores me when we're together or her rudeness. My DH's family told me how the SD was before we met, I often ask myself why I didn't listen to them. I try very hard not to take her actions and words personally because she would treat any woman in her father's life this way. Mini wives don't want competition and SD is the ultimate MW.

It was fine...the eldest SD was polite and the meal was appropriate over time it has gotten less uncomforable...she is 20 yrs old and I don't think we will ever be besties but it is ok. His yougest is 18 and in 2.5 years still as her therapist put it "isn't ready" to meet me...which from what I see on this site could be a blessing. SO and I live our lives and extend invites but he no longer pushes he is and has told both D's that he is there for them, loves them, supports them but this is now his life and they would be welcomed and wanted when they do decide to be an active part of our lives...it is all quite sad but it is what it is...my SO is presently in therapy so that he can deal with the situation and rid himself of guilt...I have told him I am not a therapist and am too closely involved to have any clarity in the situation or advise.

I met SS34 after I had been dating my SO for about 1-2 years. He dropped by my SO's apartment and we hung out together. I found him personable, knowledgeble, friendly, and respectful. After discussing it with my SO, he decided to go against BM's advice to not invite me to his house. She cried and told him he would be disloyal if he socialized with his father in my presence. Earlier this year, he invited both of us and we had a nice dinner with SS34 and his SO. He has also helped his father move to my house and did some electrical work.

I met SS31 about 3-4 years after starting to date my SO. Because he lives 2,000 miles away, it's not often that SS31 is in the area. We were supposed to meet about 2-3 years ago when he was in town, but suddenly BM had to meet him at that exact same time. Our meeting was delayed to last year. We met him at a restaurant with his SO who is sweet and kind. I also found him to be friendly, knowledgeable, personable, and respectful, just like his brother.

I have met neither SD26 nor SD21. Along with their mother, those two are some of the meanest girls you will ever meet (or not meet as in my case).  If you've read my other posts, you will see some of their nasty antics. I am assuming not meeting them is a blessing in disguise.

SD21 wanted initially to meet me but her mother and sister talked her out of it. Now she says she is not ready to meet me, and has said as much for the last 6 years. She is getting married next year and her father is the only guest who is not allowed a plus one. Don't get me started.

As for SD26, if my SO starts to say one word about me or brings up his life post-separation, she'll shriek and run out of the room. She is the one who begged my SO to go back to BM after they separated because "she is not that mean". After forbidding her father from having a plus one at her 2019 wedding, she told him that he was the only guest who was in that category. SD26 is now pregnant. Good times.

A couple of years ago, my DH and I met my OSD's boyfriend (after her divorce to hubby #1) at a family event.  He sat with my DH and I and we all began to have a pleasant chat.  He actually asked me about myself.  My OSD sat beside him and listened.  Her bf and I began talking about a city that the two of us had coincidentally lived in, and OSD looked at me inquisitively and said, "I never knew you lived in TimBuckTwo?"  and then a while later as the conversation continued,  "I didn't know that you went to college"...and so on.   I just nodded to her and said "yes, I did." 

What I should have said is: "THAT'S because in all of the time that I have known you, you never took the time to actually GET to KNOW ME!  You never wanted to acknowledge me as part of this family.  I've never been important to you OR your sister.  And now, here I am, with your new bf, and he's learned more about me within the last 10 minutes than you have in the last 30 years of my being in this family. This SHOULD be embarrassing for you... but it's probably not"

The most annoying part is that I can recite every single boring detail of both SD's lives. Yet, I'm the evil one who's never been interested in having a relationship with them.

What a kick in the pants this journey has been for so many of us!

Have the happy couple parted ways yet? If not, just give it time.

The guy undoubtedly caught hell for being courteous to you. I bet he got with the program pretty fast and joined his (formerly?) beloved in dissing you next time you met.

Just the voice of experience, here. In my case, the girl in question recently dumped SS30, who bought a house and moved her to a tech-heavy city where she got a look at all the affluent male talent available and decided she could do better. He's currently pondering a move to a foreign country, which, good luck, as the folks there will never allow him to work in his industry.

Patience, grasshopper. Sit quietly and watch things unfold. Nothing you can do or say anyhow.

My first time meeting the SS and SD did not give me any warning signs of what was to come.  Both steps were in their early 30s at the time and both of them married.  Of course then I was just the girlfriend and no real threat to stealing their daddy away.  That's how they see it, that I've stolen him away from their family instead of welcoming me into theirs.  

After we got engaged is when their claws came out.  SD hosted a Christmas party at her house and I was informed by DH that I was not invited.  He was furious with them and refusing to go if I wasn't invited.  I encouraged him to go without me, I didn't want to come between him and his kids.  So, there were glimpses of what was to come.  I put it behind me and they all came to our wedding.  I had high hopes.  

Four months later SD's husband leaves her for another woman (a co-worker) and then suddenly she wants daddy back.  She moves into DH's and my house while we were away on vacation (she had a key)  supposedly only for one week, but when we get back we find out she has no intention of leaving.  Crashes my newlywed year and causes our first ever fight.