Holidays and SKids
As some of you may know, my SKids have a very superficial relationship with their dad. However, DH has made a great effort to keep up to date in their lives as they have a habit of excluding him from things going on. Then he has to hear it from someone else and then feel embarass when he did not know that about his own kids. Anyway I digress. DH and I both had a day off and we decided to use it for some Christmas shopping. DH, however made lunch plans with SKids for that day long in advance. I went along as I was in the city with him. They talked about sports, politics and the weather with lots of awkward silences but absolutely nothing personal other then how was your day and how was the food. It wasn't for a lack of trying on DH part, but those questions were met with one word answers that didn't give much to expand upon. I don't know if the conversation was impersonal and awkard because I was there or that is truly like that all the time. I guess I never realise how weird the dynamic was with just us 4 as usually our kids are a buffer between us. Honestly I think DH would know about SKids by following them on social media that these lunches every couple of months.
I also got a surprise in the mail a couple weeks back. SS's ILs sent us a package, a holiday card and have invited us to their annual New Year's party (they invited the IL's too). The RSVP is coming up this week, but I am leaning towards declining it. I know that BM and them are friends and it is highly likely she and her parents will be there. I am thinking to invite them over or out to dinner to be polite along with the SKids and SDIL. What do you all think?
Oh and my parents and siblings who weren't worthy enough to attend SS's wedding got holiday cards from them.
I would not spend my holiday
With the EX and her parents. Talking about being the third wheel. Go out alone with your DH to celebrate your birthday and New Years. Make it a weekend alone to celebrate
I think you need to give up on this.
I too have adult Skids that I think could be more attentive to their father but it isn't my business or problem. I don't know if the lunch would have gone better with or without you but there is nothing you can do about all that. In the future don't go if it is uncomfortable for you. Maybe they were just being polite inviting you to the party and everyone will be watching to see how you handle it; or maybe it was a genuine wish to include you all and they don't know there are any undercurrents. The party sounds like it should be your husband's decision since it's his kids and if he wants to go then be kind and friendly to everyone and act like all is great.
You definitely need to let go of the wedding issue. I wouldn't have thought a stepmom's parents would need or want to be invited unless they were close grandparents to the bride or groom, which obviously they were not. Let us know what you do, good luck!
This invite came from SS's
This invite came from SS's new inlaws (the one who just married this summer that you were in such a meltdown over)? Meh, the invite if nothing more than social...meaning the sender could not care less if you join in the event or not. They host every year, the more the merrier. If it was indeed a personal invite, because your husband was father of their daughter, you'd of made the list long ago.
No, no reason for DH and you to feel obligated nor to feel going will help family tension between father/son. Just write her e a refusal note ( or not) expressing thanks for the invite, that it happens to fall on your birthday and plans have already been made. End of story. No need to invite them out to dine another night.
Curious though, how is SS's new wife handling the father/daughter/son monthly lunch? Does she attend , just let her husband do his usual family thing?
I agree they are probably
I agree they are probably trying to be polite. Our interactions haven't been negative therefore I am not going to be rude on purpose. I too was very shocked by the invitation because they never invited us to anything while they were engaged (we never actually met them before the engagement either).
It is more an every couple of months lunch than monthly. I don'tthink she attends them. I do not know if this is her choice or SS's choosing.
I don't think you have to
I don't think you have to feel obligated to invite anyone over for anything if that gathering is going to be uncomfortable for you or your DH, plus filled with awkward periods of silence. Don't feel like you owe these people an invite.
I'd decline the invite and do something fun with your DH. Who wants to be at any holiday gathering where you are uncomfortable?
Maybe SS's in laws are busy body in laws like DH and I have to deal with. They are always trying to get DH and sometimes DH and I together with the rude adult skids at various gatherings. Of course, this time of the year is worse, because it's just non stop nonsense and they cannot seem to take NO for an answer. They all know DH doesn't have a Brady Bunch relationship with his brood and they treat him like garbage. Yet, the holidays come around, and DH is expected to suck it up and play nice to his hateful brood that don't even send him a birthday card or care about what he does or how he feels.
I say, do what makes you and DH comfortable. Life is too short.