You are here

Headstone - Angry and Sad

NoOnesMomma's picture

I am so angry and sad!  

My step son's Mother passed away at the end of May and my Husband pass away at the end of July.   Not going to go into how hard this all has been from me after 30 years together (almost 15 married).  It's been very hard on the boys to lose their Mother and Father within such a short span of time.  I've been supportive.  They both contacted me weekly.  Part of the reason for that is some of Husband's estate has to be probated and they want me to give them things.  I have said nothing goes anywhere until after probate, they are not happy about it .  They both live a 1000 miles away from our home so that has become a huge blessing at the moment.  Of course there is a big long back story on all of this but at the moment I am upset about the Headstone for their BM..

Let me start by saying it is a beautiful headstone.  The problem I have is on one side it has their SF's first name on the other is has their BM's first name and in the middle is has their last name (SF last name) is huge letters  under the huge last name it has "parents of SS #1 and SS #2 first name only.  If it had SS#1 and SS#2 first and last name it wouldn't be a big deal but because it doesn't.   

I know I will have to let this go but it definitely feels like a slap in the face to my Husband.  

 

  

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I'm so sorry for your loss. ((hugs)). Grief makes us raw, sensitive and vulnerable, and I wish your SSs would be more considerate. Having to deal with my DH's people after his passing is honestly the thing I most dread.

Burials can be complicated, especially when the deceased has had multiple marriages, and it brings out the weird and worst in people. Last week I discovered my estranged siblings had my mother's headstone replaced with one that also includes THEIR names. Why they chose to do this, and over a decade after her passing, is beyond me. I own the burial plot (as well as the ones on either side of mom), and was never contacted about it. It's a mess and I'll probably have to retain an attorney, but you can bet your bippy my sibs will NOT end up there!

notarelative's picture

The cemetery caretaker should have never allowed a non plot owner to replace a headstone. It's not like they come come for an afternoon and replace it by themselves.

notarelative's picture

I've never seen a headstone that lists people not buried there. 
As to the names, when my first husband died I had my name put on the stone, The stone reads: Smith, John Smith, his wife, Mary Jones. The custom here is to put your maiden name on the stone. 

Is you SS's SF deceased and buried there? Whoever choose the stone was wrong, whether it was BM or SF. It is an insult to your DH.

tog redux's picture

Sorry for your loss. These BMs will literally take their punishment of the ex to their grave.