Had a Set Back (Tried to do too much too fast) BUT Someting INTERESTING happened Yesterday
This recovery is IMHO taking to darn long. Trly to do something and get slapped back, kind of the ole one step forward 2 steps back.
Anyway, in yesterday's mail there is this letter from.....T's hubby (his company letterhead, address, etc. on envelope for return address) That didn't hit me right away until after I opened it and read the letter. Seems T's Hubby says T is all upset because H won't take her calls, e-mails, etc. and he wants to know if I can help out as she is so beside herself. That she never meant any harm to us and only wants to be family.
Yeah, like I am going to help that cretin....No Way. What a bunch of carp.
Anyway, I am deciding whether to just burn the letter, put it in another envelope and send it back with instructions not to contact me ever again, or give it H. Though I am inclined to think that giving it to H would only give him cause to want to contact her as this is just another one of her boo hoo hoo, poor me antics which she plies all the time. So, cross that one off.
One thing, it was intersting to find out that H has apparently cut off all contact with her to the point where she is now panicking and getting others involved. Who knows who I will hear from next pleading her case.
Interestingly, this letter (and in the past T's H has done this before when T doesn't get what she wants) didn't really phase me at all. It actually made me laugh. T must be putting a lot of pressure on her H and everyone, as she usually does when she doesn't get what she wants.
He is coming over later this morning. I do have a counseling apt. Thursday....my first since the health stuff. H and I do not discuss what he says in counseling or I say in counseling and right now he avoids any talk about T....probably because he is afaid I will go off on him. .
Feedback that your strategy
Feedback that your strategy is working.
Yes, Rags and even more
Yes, Rags and even more important...that H IS GETTNG the message that I am not playing around this time. This is It.
I'd burn it. No way would I
I'd burn it. No way would I show it to DH. And sending it back requires more effort than striking a match.
I'm glad that the letter didn't phase you. That's progress.
No way in hades would I show
No way in hades would I show him that letter. Drive to the boonies, burn it, scatter the ashes, and never speak of it. If T or T's hubby ever bring it up, freakin' lie and say you NEVER received anything.
Since the letter was
Since the letter was addressed to you you're under no obligation to show it to H. I would not respond or show it to H at all. His family should be dealing with him directly rather than through you, especially after all they've put you through. It's H's responsibility to communicate with his darling daughter if he so chooses.
Well
Have you told SD(?) not to contact you again? If so, keep the letter and wait for the next. File a harassment charge.
Burn or shedd. It will be a
Burn or shedd. It will be a great release for you also. No way would I give it to H
I didn't think much of T's
I didn't think much of T's husband before, and even less now.
I like the idea of sending him notice to cease and desist. And maybe have your attorney keep that spineless enabler's letter on file, just in case.
I am on that idea since this
I am on that idea since this morning. Was thinking about just giving the letter to my attorney and tell him to send a cease and desist and deal with it. Not a work to T's jerky H, or my H. But of course all h*ll is going to break out back there when that arrives because I am going to have it sent to their home not his place of work, which is where it should go. The guy might spend endless hours at his job, but he doesn't live there.
I can pretty much assure you all, not that I care but because I know how she is, that she will open it and EXPLODE. The world is not doing what she wants it too. I also bet she will leave H a message about it and I wonder what he will do. He darn well better not bring it up to me....I am taking care of ME. I have absolutely no intention of telling him anything to me.
Good for you!!
Definitely send it to the house and not SSIL's office. After all, the cease and desist order should be presented to BOTH Twit and her DH. Enough is enough! 'T' and her husband know that DH is not living with you presently. But they sent the letter to your address so this means they sent the letter to you personally. So why do you think they sent the letter to you instead of DH? For pure harassment. You don't have to tell DH about any mail that is sent to your address.
If she sends a message to DH so what? Let him deal with it - and as you wrote, not bother you with any of it. In fact, DH could be warned that HE could get a cease and desist order too if he does.
Sandye - If my H gets a cease
Sandye - If my H gets a cease and desist order from me it will be called a divorce. And I know he doesn't want that.
FWIT, I still have my moments, some crying, but a kind of healing type crying if that makes sense. Not the hopeless, hurt, desparing kind. I still have a lot of healing to do after being so abused by Twit and that bunch.
There are still things I recall her doing that totally blow my mind even now. The sad thing is that her H allowed her to ruin their children. I doubt Fatso will ever have a girlfriend, and Drunkie, well, he has had a few sexual adventures, according to Twit, including a girl that was bisexual or some such thing. The weird thing is that T would actually tell people something like that about her son. If she told us you can bet she has told others because it gets her sympathy and attention. Me, I just pity the cretin.
"The weird thing is that T
"The weird thing is that T would actually tell people something like that about her son." This is typical narcissistic stuff. Getting attention at any price. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/spycatcher/201709/inside-the-min...
Wow, Sandye, that article was
Wow, Sandye, that article was so right on.
Makes me remember the time several years back, when H had 2 car accidents within 2 months -- they were not his fault, one guy backed into his parked car in a parking lot, the other pulled out in front of him from a side street (he had right of way) and hit him in the front side. Anyway, it concerned him and he was actually thinking about not driving.
I happened to mention this to T because it showed that her Dad was aging and considering not driving. Her response was, and I will quote: "Whats the problem, you still drive don't yhou?" Not a question about why her Father might be considering this, or about him, just a complete blow off. Pretty much, a so what, don't bother me about it.
Now, when I told DD the same thing, she asked why H was feeling that way, if he was okay, understood that two accidents so close together would concern anyone, even if he was not at fault. And just general understanding and empathy about how things change as we age.
No one would ever get that kind of response from T. Unless it is about her, her problems with Drunkie, etc. she doesn't have anything to say. She never asks how YOU are or what is going on in Your life
But, I guarantee if we both no longer drove and hired a driver etc., and she found out about it she would cry that we should have let her know, she would have helped out..... Wlhich is total BS and just sounds good in retrospect. especially if there is someone else around that she can sound like she cares a fig.
Now to get that to sit solidly in H's head and we will be making progress, but I think the log jam in his brain about T is starting to move.
Just finished sending all the
Just finished sending all the information to my lawyer in T's state. They are ahead of us time wise. Talked to him about what I wanted and needed. He will get back to me if any problems. Actually, it is easier to inforce if it comes from an attorney in HER state.
As I say, why bother to respond to T's hubby, that is what she wants. This way they both know to leave me alone PERIOD.
Great!
Please let us konw waht happens. (((HUGS)))
Update us for sure...
I'm happy to see you in control and not bringing it into your marital situation. I realize it may re-enter into the problem, but you have control of how it is handled. You say that your H doesn't seem to want to talk about T. That works both ways now.
If your H brings up the paperwork served on them, just say you don't want to discuss it, you are handling it. Then move on to repairing your marriage and continue to leave T out of your discussions with H.
I have learned that the day is what I make it. If I begin a conversation to spoil the day with my DH, it is my fault. I have learned over the past six years to handle my SD58 on my own. It is working much, much better than dragging DH into it.
T is your H's daughter; you have always known that there is a limit to him correcting the problem. My DH will never attempt to correct the problem we have with SD58, so I do. All I ever said to my DH: "if SD comes crying to you, it is not your problem, just ignore it, I am handling the problem". Good read Sandye21.
Please keep us updated to how it goes. Good job!
You are exactly where I was six years ago, it is a nightmare for you and I get it. You are doing well.
You are right I have control
You are right I have control of the matter. Should H be stupid enough to bring it up I will calmly say; yes, I did (I am not going to deny it) and close the subject. No explanation, no defensively telling him how T's H contacted me, nadda. I do not have to justify my actions on that.
H knows I am not one to go out and start trouble thus he would realize something happened. I am just the one to finish it. I have been patient, tolerant, etc. for too many yeas and nothing with that cretin ever changes except she can always find something to go at me, or even H about. Let her stay where she is and continue to ruin her "babies". They are already beyound hope. These "babies" are in their late 20's and 30's so the chances of them changing are slim and none.