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Had an Appointment with My Counselor to Discuss Something That Was Disturbing Me

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

about Twit. Yeah, I know, that is a lot of ground as she is so wacky. But it was about this consistant carping to her father that I need to apologize to her for calling her a liar, which I never did.

This liar charge stems from the Twit's telling DH that she had sent me a Mother's Day card, which DH knows I never received and told her so. First she tried to tell DH that I was lying because she had sent it and didn't want to give her any credit for being nice. Now why the heck she would even bothered to send me a card is beyond me, except to make her Father believe she is so nice, etc.

He told her that he walks down to our mail box with the dog every day and gets the mail and nothing for me ever came. So now the story is that she sent it and the post office lost it I guess I am still a liar according to her. That because she wants me to admit to her that I know she sent me a card. I don't know any such thing, my only reality is that I never received such from her.

That is her latest tantrum with DH. DH has told me I owe her no apology and he even told her that but she is still going nuts on him.

Okay, I was confused and befuddled by this strange behavior so I asked the counselor just why she is so insistent that I apologize and acknowledge that she sent me a card I never received. I mean it is basically a moot point in my opinion.

Counselor says that if she gets me to apologize to her I am acknowledging to DH and herself that she did send a card. That it matters not whether she did or not, but she gets the praise for having done so. It is all about her and her looking good to her father.

The counselor says that being the type that she is, she has been found out, exposed, and she doesn't like it. That I have to fall back into her march of her being perfect etc. And she is even more upset that DH knows that nothing came for me from her. THAT really put a wrench in her nonsense.

Counselor was pleased when I said that DH was sticking up for me, so far, but he still kind of wanted me to make peace with her. NOTE: DH isn't pushing me to do this as he would have in the past, he says it is up to me but I don't owe Twit any apology and he has told Twit as much which has made him a bad guy in her mind as well. As I told the counselor, this is the least of my worries or concerns about Twit. That I feel she has me in her cross-hair and I need to watch out because she isn't going to quit.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Love it. But I guess she claims she did send it. Having been caught with DH telling her he gets the mail, it then became that it must have been lost by the post office. I don't have a clue as to what she did or didn't do, and I don't care. I just can't understand why the big thing about it on her part.

ctnmom's picture

"Dear Twit: Sorry you don't have a life, loser. And the 'card' you sent me must've been written with invisible ink , because I never got it, asshole." Dirol

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Broken - What I think is that this was some type of Twit thing where she wanted to look good to DH and got caught. Rather than just let it go, she is now demanding I apologize for something I never said. totally delusional and flat out crazy. The only reality I can speak for is that I never received anything from her.

hereiam's picture

First she tried to tell DH that I was lying because she had sent it and didn't want to give her any credit for being nice

She admitted right there that the only reason she wants people to think that she sent a card is to get "credit". Seriously, no thanks.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

She was just trying to say how great and nice she was and that I am the mean monster.

Thankfully next spring we will start looking for a new place to live. Umm, actually I am checking out real estate now on the internet and getting info.

Trust me, as soon as she gets wind of that she is going to raise all heck with her Father...why are we moving, don't we like being around them?, etc.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

That is the sad thing. Twit isn't going to say anything to me about an apology. I would laugh right at her. This is just more of the same drama and more of the same angst she lays on DH. It takes its toll on him. And the last round of Twit drama, the GB, etc. was taking its toll on me. Sometimes I just can't handle all the Twit stress. Other times I can just laugh it off. Guess I am just human.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

I don't care what she thinks. Do note that she won't even acknowledge how awful she has been to me, just that I am suppose to be calling her a liar. Must be the voices she hears in her head, because it isn't me.

DH has seen her attack me for no reason, write nasty letters, and come up shaking with rage, which DH mistook for crying, etc. yelling about me etc. This was the first time she claimed I had called her a liar. First, folks, I don't name call, never have as it is unproductive even at the best of times.

Counselor said that she is probably projecting, turning back on me the things that she does. She has this insatiable need to be seen as PERFECT and ALL KNOWNING. Also note this comes up again right after the GB drama ends. Man, this Twit is wearing her father out with all her drama.

He told her that I had not called her a liar, I owe her no apology, I would not be apologizing. At the same time he also told her he doesn't like how she treats him for the holidays and Father's day etc. Trust me friends, THAT in itself is going to make his life hell, just you wait.

Me, I'm trying. DH is getting up there in years and, well, not as sharp as he use to be. Poor guy, he just wants to live in peace with all his children, etc. Twit isn't going to let that happen. FWIW, when Twit got back from her surgery, I took DH out to help him pick out flowers, you know, Get Well gift. He dropped them off and she wasn't home. Guess DH told him that I picked them out (why he does that is beyond me, but he did). Twit told him she was going to send me a Thank You note. No such think has arrived and I am not surprised and I really don't care. I did not do it looking for gratitude etc., just how I am and I did it for DH. But I am glad she told him that because it is one more instance of what a cretin she is.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

You are right: people like Twit are much too tenacious to give up so easily.

But her pool of victims is shrinking and she needs her "fix" must like a druggie. She is even getting teed at DH because in the past, before his counseling, he would humor her, agree with her, etc. That did nothing but reinforce her crazy behavior.

If it wasn't this, Twit would be finding something else to upset DH about and get to me. Heck, I pray she ignores me but sadly, she always has to call or show up and get in my face, start trouble.

I can guarantee this: Come Christmas this year you can bet Twit is gonna get DH a great present instead of the carp she has given us in the past. Not because she loves her father, oh no, but because by doing so will, in her small mind, put me in my place. Little does she know, we are not getting together with them this year. I know how she thinks and how she operates. It helps, but it doesn't always make it easy to deal with.

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

Maybe it is time for your DH to take himself out of the middle. Ask him not to relay any more of what she says to you. Ask that he not tell her anything you say or if you picked out flowers (you can sign the card).
Ask him to go see the counselor when he is feeling stressed about twit. And you go have a nice massage instead.
Tell him it is no longer his responsibility to be the go between. If you and twit need to communicate you are both adults and can do so without him in the middle. Likely that will not happen so win win!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Good point. I honestly do not know why he told her about the flowers. I could have cared less, I was just helping him out. And I didn't sign the card either. Maybe he was making a point that I was nice was she was having conniptions about her delusion that I called her a liar?

A bit of backsliding here on DH's part, and mine for allowing it. That, sadly happened when Twit was having problems with her GB and had DH all worried about her. He was concerned and would come and talk to me for support, etc. Have to get him back on track Smile before he drives me crazy.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

I just have to do an update on this issue of the flowers. I guess when DH told the Twit that I had picked them out, she told him that she would be writing me a Thank You note. No doubt to try to appear nice to DH. That was the one thing DH was pleased about when he and I talked over the coffee. I remember telling him that Twit wouldn't be sending me anything and his responding that she said she would. Not that I care at all folks.

Well, nothing has come and it has been almost 2 weeks. Am I surprised? Did I expect anything? Nope. Funny, now that I am reading up on Twit and what she is, I can predict what she is going to do. Doesn't make it any easier. I am certain he has noticed since he picks up the mail daily.

The Thank You Note is probably right in the same place as the Mother's Day card. Her imagination. Never happened.

Also, just to let you know that we haven't been bothered by any Twit calls either. She is laying low, no doubt. Probably still fuming/seething since DH told her he didn't like the way she treated him regarding holidays, Father's Day, etc. along with the fact that I would not be apologizing. You can bet she doesn't like that at all because she is PERFECT, how dare we. She is probably running deep while she figures out her next assault on me, on us.

sandye21's picture

It would be interesting to know what DH thinks now, wouldn't it? Since he's the one who picks up the mail, there is no denying that the thank you note was just a lot of talk. Twit's failed promise is not making any points with DH. She is just digging herself deeper into a hole. Not a bright thing to do.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Sandye - Never claimed Twit was bright....just evil, mean and delusional IMHO. Oh I have a good idea what DH thinks. He isn't real pleased. I am not going to say a word because he would just get angry at me....misplaced anger, but still. That is why I posted that here. I can express my thoughts on things that happen without getting in trouble or stirring the pot.

Though he has recently admitted Twit "has problems" and I don't think he was talking about problems with her car, drunkie etc. I think DH is very, very disappointed with Twit. Maybe he will get off my back about being civil to her now that he has seen this as well.

I actually do not believe that Twit is capable of really showing affection or caring for anyone, being nice for any period of time to people, thinks about any one other than herself, her husband and her babies.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Morning cat - Yep, another card. Twit is putting herself in a corner and doesn't even realize it. She must be panicking because normally she is more careful with her lies etc. She can be pretty creative with excuses.

DH was saying that day, that she was telling him something about Drunkies upcoming court appearance and it wasn't making sense.....logic etc. All I can say there is HURRAY! For years I have tried to point out that what she says to cover up her bad actions doesn't make sense, but he never seemed to agree. Them rose color glasses he has been wearing since we moved here are obviously starting to become clear.

I bet that when Twit does surface, and she will, it will be another - did SDM get my Thank You card? And when DH says nothing came, the ole excuse that the Post Office must have lost it will arise again or I am lying again. Funny, the only mail that gets lost is things that Twit sends to me. Totally amazing. Even more so that she expects to be believed.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Lost - Never asked or wanted him to be inbetween. I could give a ratz butt about the MD card. Haven't received one from her in years so I was quite startled when she started up with DH about how she sent one and I hadn't acknowledged her. Kind of I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't with that cretin.

Counselor said that she is probably running out of people as they quickly get her number. Family is somewhat a captive audience Sad

I wanted to make sure I was seeing it straight and needed the assistance to get back on track on things. When Twit puts my stomach in knots for days, something has to give.

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

Our DH's put themselves in the middle. They care for both of us but need to realize that is where the care ends. It is not a circle of love. Just the drama triangle. Twit wants to keep it going. DH wants peace. You want peace. So tell him to make his peace with you, keep you out of it unless it directly impacts your time or money. He needs to step up and protect you from the stress that is bad for your health.

Just so you know I don't post often but have been reading for two years and always follow your posts. You are a strong no nonsense women by the way you write. So happy for the progress you have made. You have been brave enough to make the hard choices to protect you. Sending DH to live with twit was brilliant. Don't let him backslide now. I am sure his room is still available there!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Lost - Why thank you kindly. What you read is what I am.

Um, I don't think Twit would relish having DH back with her.

I think we would have gotten through this issue of the MD card with no problem had we no been so stressed over the Twit GB episode. It is SO TAXING!

I only hope that Twit is peeved enough at both of us right now that she stays away for a long time. I give her 2 weeks before she needs some kind of fix, drama, and gets back to DH.

I have written a letter, but I have not sent it and don't know if I will or not, telling her that I tried and it didn't work out. That I want no more to do with her in any way shape or form. That I don't hate her, but I do find her pathetic. and finally that I wish her well.

I have it here on my desk and am debating, and debating. One hope is that it would end the carp, the other is the fear it would escalate Twit to a Godzilla type force to be recon with.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Thanks for your input Catlettuce. Yeah, I agree, best not to send, but it felt great writing it.

You are right, she isn't too smart, sneaky, but not intelligent. Once years back when I was at her house she was having a hissey about something and she did a hip swing at me, made contact and I was fortunate that I grabbed the counter top to stabilize myself from falling. I remember telling DH about it as it was quite surprising etc. and she acted to me like nothing happened. You know what she told DH? What was my problem, she didn't make contact! Can you believe it? She actually acknowledged she did it but then claimed she didn't make contact (which she did) and that should make it okay. THAT is what I deal with. Of course she broke out crying when confronted and that I was LYING about her, she didn't make contact. Note she never said she didn't swing her hip at me, just claimed not to have made contact. She KNOWS what she does and she MEANS to do it.

Oh, you know what we were doing with Twit hip bumbed me? I was wiping and putting away dishes. This was one of her early unprovoked attacks on me. Never acknowledge that she hit me and knocked me off balance, never even denied doing it, just claimed that she didn't make contact....which was not true, never that she didn't swing her hip. Ya gotta watch her verbage, she lies but not actually outright, just by leaving out details...the important details.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

"If you and twit need to communicate you are both adults and can do so without him in the middle."

Right on there. Twit generally will not talk to me. In fact, she does fake insincere apologies through DH. She says things to him like....oh, I didn't realize SDM would take it like that, I didn't mean it that way (yeah, right).

As I told DH, THAT is not an apology and it was not an apology made to me. It was nothing more than an excuse to him for her bad behavior trying to blame it on me. If she wants to apologize for something she has to call me or talk to me DIRECTLY, not through a third party. People that do that don't have to face you for what they said or did, and thus they don't feel anything for the hurt, pain, etc. they caused you. Took a long time for DH to get this idea into his head and I am not certain he really has.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Yeah, and get a new cell phone number as well and not give it to her.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Cat, we were doing so well and then when Twit wasn't making waves, DH wouldn't talk to me about her and I would just mummer, umm, when he did. The GB nonsense got us off track for sure and now this latest Twit carp. Well, it just got to me.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Cat - I wouldn't go so far as to say DH is open about counseling. He just had an ultimatum from me when I threw him out and he was living with Twit. He decided counseling was a lot better than life with Twit and a divorce from me.

Rags's picture

I would ask SD if she got the check that you sent her for $1000.00 to BM's house. Tell her it has been cashed according to your band so you know she got it. Then when she freaks out that she never got it tell her you expect her to say thank you whether she got it or not.

That will cause a Shit Storm at BM's house and SD will look like an ass.


shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Rags - I absolutely LOVE IT! You bet she will go nutz.

You know, this Twit actually told DH that if I didn't get a Mother's Day card from her we should have told her. How ridiculous. I haven't received MD cards from her in years.

What is driving DH nutz is that she is so irrational. I won't say this to him, but how can any one deal with CRAZY?

What he has to realize is that people like her will tell him anything to try to get him to see her way. She will lie through her teeth. I think he gets confused with a lot of her tripe.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Cat - That is exactly what DH said he told her when she used that nonsense. Unbelievable! Yep, classic narc, but I know it, DH doesn't. She will spin like a top with all kinds of nonsense to confuse him until he gives in to what she says and starts believing it.

Fortunately, so far, he hasn't.

I mean, she is so far out of reality one can hardly believe it. And if she even remotely believes her own lines,....what can one say.....DELUSIONAL!

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Dear Twit ,

Thank you so much for the Mother's Day card that I never received how utterly thoughtful you are !!!

You know you can't rationalize crazy

I refer to my SD as grand delusional !!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

You know what is really strange here? She brought this stuff up back in June/July or so and DH and I just ignored it. DH said she caught him off guard with this retread. She must be running low on material. Let us all hope she doesn't crack up her fantasy machine. She needs her fix.

At least he stuck up for me. I think he wanted me to know that and that he told her no apology would be coming from me because I owed her none.

joan mary's picture

I would suggest that you google Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Sounds very much like the disorder. On the surface the issue is so very small. A mothers day card for goodness sake! But the fuss the twit is making over it sounds very much like NPD. This is a war you cant win because she just likes to play mind games. Classic example of wrestling with a pig in mud - the pig wins by experince and has fun doing it.

Second, your problem is that the twit still wants daddy to "chose" her and what she says over you. It is up to dh to tell her to knock it off and quit being such a piss ant about this. No card was received and if she wants to give you one she should buy you another and she should appologize for failing to get the first one to you. Period. No more coddling or ignoring this blantant attempt at manipulation. Call the B***S*** for what it is.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Hi Joan - Agree, the card issue is so small, but Twit has blown it up to a world crisis.

And if it wasn't the card it would be something else. As I learn more about what she is, a narc, I can anticipate more and more how she will react.

I bet the farm she is having a snit fit because it isn't going her way. No one is kow-towing, no apology is forthcoming, and DH isn't falling all over her.

I was getting caught in the Twit cycle so I did the counseling thingy which has helped me get back on track. Even the counselor noted that this one doesn't seem to quit. As the counselor noted: it is Twit's loss because she could have had a nice, caring relationship with me but she just isn't capable of it; and that is one thing that probably bothers her.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

At what point do/did you realize that she will never be mature about any of this.

I struggle with the idea of waiting for her to mature and so called " come around " or when do I give up that her Narcassistic behavior will prevail.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

"At what point do/did you realize that she will never be mature about any of this"

Well, I have given up all hope of Twit ever maturing as she will be 50 early next year. I realized there was a problem in August 2011 about 8 months after we were up here when things didn't run smooth with Twit. That was the time she came here and was crying in my living room that she was so scared that when I passed my daughter would get my things and she would be left out with nothing! Creepy, scary and down right weird. From then it went down hill with nonsense, fantasy, nastiness etc. real quick. She is cunning, but she is not smart. And lies, boy, I don't believe anything she says.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

My SD is a chameleon depending on who she is around. Some people believe she will come around ~ others believe there is no hope. If we take into consideration Apple tree theory ~ she is hopeless ~ but people do hope BD'a genes show up real quick.

Your SD is beyond narcassist I believe ~ she takes it to the sociopath level with lying blantenly ~ mine does the sneaky build your army type of lying.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Rising - during the original Mother Day card Twit attack Dh did admit that Twit has problems. That was the first time. I think admitting it and being able to let it sink in and really acknowledge it might take some time. Also, being human we all know that hope springs eternal.

He has come a LONG way and has a ways to go yet.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Step - You are totally logical. In fact, what she says is that IF I didn't get a MD card from her, and I haven't gotten one for years from her, I should have called her and let her know it didn't come. WHAT? Thus it is my fault I didn't get her alleged I even expected one.

Remember once she told me that her husband was going to visit one of his old military buddies. She wasn't going because the buddy's wife didn't want her around. When I asked why, her response was that she didn't know...the woman was crazy. then she went into a triad about the things she found wrong with this lady. Must have really been something for this lady to ban Twit from her house. People will generally tolerate a spouse of a friend even if they aren't too fond of them.

Or the dancing up and down my driveway laughing and bragging that she wasn't normal and never had been. THAT is not normal by any means.

I can't think of anyone, outside of Twit, who doesn't want to see me, visit with me, etc.

Me, the more I am putting things together about what she does and how she acts, the more scared I get. I know she is mean but I just don't know how mean. She already got physical with me once. I don't know if these things are just little slips when her mask slips or what but it is very disturbing.

Making progress with DH too. Once I told him that Twit was mean and he told me I was mistaken, she didn't have a mean bone in her body. Now, after this last episode with her demanding an apology from me he has actually said to me that Twit CAN BE MEAN! I don't know if he didn't see it, overlooked it, or what; but maybe the extent of her meanness is become quite noticeable even to him.

And FWIW, when we first moved down here DH gave her a key to the house. Hey, didn't know how she was and it seemed okay. This weekend I had DH put in new locks and she isn't getting a key to anything. I didn't tell him why, just that I thought we should change the locks since we didn't do that when we first moved it. That is how concerned I am getting.

BTW, she never sent DH a Father's day card either. That should tell the true tale.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

But Step - according to the Twit, I should have called you to see if you sent me a Thinking of You card....It's your fault, not hers that she didn't send one.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Yes Sandye, it is. And it makes my head want to explode because what she says is just so, well, unbelievable but I am expected to believe it. And if you don't believe her stuff you are calling her a dare you.

At least now DH has seen her and heard her. This time he isn't saying something like, oh Twit just apologized (those are her type of apologies) so there is no problem. What Twit says is no apology, is not sincere and is just BS to put her ignorant behavior on you, it is YOUR fault.

As I said, since I am reading up and putting her past actions in context I am getting scared. Thinking of her makes me think of someone just wearing a mask of sanity that keeps slipping and showing the true crazy behind it.