Guidance on handling adult stepchildren with husband
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Hi Everyone-I'm new here. I am almost 40 years old and have two preteens of my own with my husband. He has three adult children from a previous marriage. We've been married for almost 15 years. Maybe I am wrong, but why are his children always referred to as kids when they are actually adults? I feel like he/others still treat them as if they were young children. I feel I am always losing the battle whenever this topic is brought up. Maybe you'll need more info to answer. Just wondering if I'm the only one out here sick of hearing "my kids" or "his kids" when they are 25 and older!
While I don't agree with
While I don't agree with treating them like young kids, saying, "My kids", is completely normal for parents, even if they are adults. What would you have him say, "My offspring"?
I am 55 and my brother is
I am 55 and my brother is about to turn 49 and our parents refer to us as "the boys" or "the kids". Just about everyone I know with adult children refers to them as their "kids" or "children" when they do not refer to them by their names or as "son" or "daughter".
Our son (my former SS now adopted) is 26 and we refer to him as the kid... or the spawn.
"Hello Spawn (or Kid)! What's up?"
"Not much Parental Unit (or dad). I thought since I had not called in weeks that I should check in." etc......
Not sure what the issue is. It is likely just "normal" discussion wording without any subversive meaning or intent.
Do you refer to your kids as your "kids"? What is the difference? Regardless of the age of our children they are always our children. By "our" I am referring to parents in general.
And no, I am sure that you are not the only one that is irritated by this. I am irritated by just about anyting to do with spawn but this is one things that doesn't bother me.
Yeah, I'm with the others. My
Yeah, I'm with the others. My mother refers to all of us in our 50s and 60s as "her kids", or "you kids".
So you mean, he says, "Aw, they're just kids!" when you ask about some behavior or other?
No word
I get your point. There really should be another word to describe an adult child than 'kid' or 'child'. Too bad there isn't because the words, 'kid' or 'child' gives a parent the 'opportunity' to TREAT them like they are dependent and defenseless rather than adults. One source suggested calling them "Son" or "Daughter" instead. I have to agree the terms 'son or 'daughter' seems to alter the perception of a small, vulnerable child. It is very rare but when DH and I discuss SD we refer to her as "(your) daughter". If he referred to her as a 'kid' now it would sound weird to me - especially when I picture her 'image' (3 times bigger than me) in my mind.
I still call my brother my
I still call my brother my “little” brother. He’s 6’2 and he’s n his 60s.
I take it it’s not the words (kid, child) that bugs you as much as treating them as children. I get that. My DH is big on rescuing his adult kids, which deprives them of growth and learning.
But here’s a twist. My SD often treats her father as if HE is the child — telling him what he needs to do, where he needs to be, etc., and then punishing him (by not talking to him) if he “disobeys.”
No, adult steps are not easier. The games just evolve.
Personally, I don't refer to
Personally, I don't refer to my adult bios as "kids" - I only did that when they were kids, say, under 15. Maybe that is a British thing - I hear Americans on TV referring to adult sons and daughters a lot, as kids. I refer to them when talking to a third party, as my daughters.
I think the thing about treating them as young children is much more significant, as others have said. My SD24 is still not expected to stand on her own two feet, financially speaking. My daughters had been doing it for years at that age.