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Greedy, Spoiled, Adult SD & New Baby Coming

Forever_Inbattled's picture

Hello everyone, I'm new here.

I need to vent and share my story.

For the last 2.5 years my 21 year old Step Daughter has been living with us, she arrived when she was 18. These last 2.5 years feel like an eternity and have been absolutely miserable for me. It's gotten so bad that it landed my DH and I in marriage counseling and nearly tore us about a year ago.

The problem is that DH is more or less a "Disney Dad" and suffers from guilt when it comes to SD21. See, he was never married to her BM. SD never lived with him growing up and their relationship was strained due to parental alienation....they never had a good relationship. BUT when SD turned 18 and wanted to go to College, she came knocking on our door. Her BM and that side of the family are a bunch of low lives and SD knew that if she were to have any real chance, she had to come crawling to DH, which she did. I have an entitled, grown SD who has been taught and coached by her BM/Family to "take DH for everything he has because he owes it to her" and I have a guilt ridden DH who wants to one up and show off to SD's BM/Family that he's "Dad of the Year" and make SD happy at every chance because in his words to me "he doesn't want to scare her off".

Lethal combination for me!!!

SD began living here and my world was turned upside down. To make it short:

SD shows up in her Mazda Protégé and all she does from the moment she gets here is mention how she desperately needs a new car. Then she began coming up with a new story every day about how her car is breaking down or acting funny. Claimed that it suddenly died and stopped in the middle of traffic. DH took it a shop THREE times and nobody found anything wrong with the car. She persistently kept on and before I knew it, DH had bought her a new Honda Civic...completely decked out and even had an expensive stereo system put in for her.

She had a cheap T-Mobile phone and DH buys her a new iPone4....the iPhone5 comes out and suddenly SD claims that her iPhone4 is broken and doesn't work. DH takes her to Sprint to get it fixed and they come back with a new iPhone5!

As if it's not expensive enough to pay for her to go to College, SD talked DH into allowing her to join a Sorority. We have a hefty Sorority bill due every month now and SD doesn't even really participate and get involved, she does as little as possible and has told me she did it for all "the shirts and clothes" and to have the title. So, yeah it's basically just an expensive way of buying SD friends and party invitations. Last year SD had hundreds of dollars worth of late and absentee charges because she wasn't showing up to mandatory activities. I pleaded and begged with DH to cut her off and say enough is enough, we don't need to continue paying for all of this BS and he continues to fund all of it.

She comes and goes as she pleases. She disregarded our curfew to the point that DH decided to do away with it. I printed out a list of household rules and she doesn't comply with any of them. She's a total slob who keeps her bedroom, hallway area and bathroom absolutely disgusting. She doesn't help around the house, won't even rinse off her own dishes. I've gone through every single way to get her to do so and nothing has been effective....I printed the list of rules and expectations, I have reminded her verbally, I have given her lectures, I have asked kindly, I have even posted notes and reminders throughout my house!!! She doesn't care.

SD doesn't work and is completely irresponsible and disrespectful. I feel like once she moved in with us she reverted back to 10 years old. Everything is all about her, ME ME ME attitude. Yes, a typical product of her generation but magnified.

I'm so sick and tired of her helplessness and using us at her convenience. In the meantime she makes herself and her BF the center of her Universe, she totally ignores us, puts us off and disses us 99% of the time, unless it's for her own good or her own needs....

To top this off, I'm pregnant and expecting my first child and I don't know how to deal with this.

sandye21's picture

Your problem is NOT your SD, it's your DH. He's enabling SD big time. She doesn't care about your rules and boundaries because there are on consequences. Your new baby should not be exposed to her disrespectful behavior and the tension it causes for you - which in turn will affect the baby. You need to be strong and emotionally positive for your baby. As hard as it seems, you are going to put your foot down and get a firm move-out date, within a months time.